Drinking to be Drunk, not Happy

He crashed into my world without a warning and made himself at home. He told me things I have never heard and, like a fool, I believed him. He promised me he was real and that he was different. He told me my walls were useless against him..and he was right. He held my hands until the ice began to melt. He looked into my eyes until I was overwhelmed with his beauty. He kissed me until my heart was on fire. He held me until I opened every door I could for him. And just as quickly as he crashed into me..he disappeared without a trace. He left me weak and in shock and emptier than he found me. I was used to the pain of being alone, it was a pain that I was numb to. But this..this was a new pain that severed my very being. My pain was confusion and disbelief. Why would he say those sacred words? Why would he make that much effort just to throw it away? Why? He didn’t have to tell me I was perfect. He didn’t have to tell me I was different. He didn’t have to tell me he wanted more. He didn’t have to tell me he would keep in touch. He didn’t have to tell me his feelings were real. So why did he? Why did he want to know everything about me if I was only a one time pleasure? Why did he want my walls down just to leave a ticking time bomb?

Every decision you have ever made in your life, has lead to you reading this sentence.

You got this Auntie

I sit here and tell myself that I gotta move on, that I need to start making myself happy, that you truly don’t matter and that I can be without you. Then I fall asleep and dream of you, wake up in sweats, wake up in tears and it’s like everything I told myself is forgotton.