I've never felt more suicidal as an adult before. To the point where here I am, more than a decade later to vent. I've been stuck in bed. Self harming again. Fantasizing about the ways I would do it. How long until someone would find me. I'm spiraling and don't know how to pull myself out of it. I started new medication and trying to hold on until it makes some kind of difference. My therapist told me some hard to hear advice, that motivation won't come easily right now and it will be up to me and self discipline. The problem is I don't have any. Simple tasks are so difficult. I don't want to wake up in the morning, all I want to do is sleep. I wish the world would do me a favor and end my life for me.

maybe i can meet somewhere in the middle and still get some sleep