Hic Sunt Leones

— 𝑯𝒂𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉, 𝑩𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒕ë 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒚.

And my dad and brothers? Were deeply disturbed by the movie Jennifer’s Body. I was flabbergasted. It’s not scary! It’s not even that gory. But they were horrified by it. These men who grew up on 70s slashers were legitimately shook by 90 minutes of Megan Fox eating a few teenage boys, mostly off-screen.

Similarly, my all-male reading panel for my thesis? Were so disturbed by my synopsis of the film Teeth that they couldn’t even talk about it. One of them said he couldn’t look at his wife for a week after reading it.

Again, grown-ass men who study and teach media for a living. Who definitely watch and enjoy horror movies. One of whom was a huge Tarantino buff. We watched and read worse in his intro to mass media class! But one movie about a girl whose vag could bite was enough to haunt him.

Then of course you have things like the Gone Girl backlash–men yelling that Amy Dunne is evil and women clamoring to assure everyone that they know she is not someone to emulate–the backlash against Carol Danvers, and, more recently, the griping from MRAs against the upcoming film Hustlers, which is about strippers scamming their Wall Street clients.

My conclusion? Most men–at least most straight, cisgender men, who are both my sample population and most of the ones whining that Carol is a “villain”–are perfectly fine with, and desensitized to, media where men do violence to women (horror movies), or men do violence to men (horror and action movies). They’re even sort of fine when women do violence to women (“ooooo cat fight!”).

But they get intensely uncomfortable when women are depicted doing any kind of violence to men, especially in films that tilt the balance of power to the other side of the m/f gender binary beyond a single moment or scene.

So woman as flesh-eating monster with men as her preferred cuisine? Woman who responds to unwanted sexual contact by biting it off? Woman who frames her cheating husband for murder? Woman whose response to harassment–behavior that many of the loudest whiners know is both creepy and reflective of their own thoughts/actions–is to break something?

Too scary. Unacceptable. Disturbing. These men hate being presented with the idea, even in fiction, that their position of power is socially constructed, that it could easily be flipped the other way. It terrifies them.

In feeling that terror, they experience a tiny modicum of what living, existing, moving, being perceived as a woman in the world is like.

in a series with multiple instances of men beating, humiliating, and occasionally killing female sex workers, including at least one main character and several sympathetic side characters. and two other main female characters being threatened with rape at various points

𝟑𝟏 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐈 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄

Friendship at 30 looks nothing like friendship at 20—and that’s a good thing.

The red flags you ignore in the beginning will be the reason things end. Even if it takes years.

Saying “no” is a muscle; the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

Therapy is not an emergency room, it’s a gym. Go before things fall apart.

You will not regret wearing sunscreen. You will regret skipping it.

Having a clean kitchen before bed feels like a love letter to your future self.

Stop asking people who don’t live your life for advice on how to live it.

Cooking for yourself is a quiet form of self-respect.

You can love someone and still not want them in your life.

The things you say to yourself matter.

Small talk is underrated—it’s the bridge to deep talk.

Your body is not the same one you had at 21, and that’s not a tragedy.

You can start over at any age. People do it all the time.

Don’t text your ex. Ever.

Rest is productive.

You can’t force someone to value you—you can only show them how you value yourself.

If your ex-friend is on a smear campaign about you, stay silent. You left the friendship for a reason, and their loud says a lot more about them than your quiet.

Your energy is your currency—spend it wisely.

Time alone is not loneliness; it’s maintenance.

The thing you keep postponing because you think it’s too late? Start it. You’ll wish you’d done it sooner.

Silence during an argument is not the same as losing—it can be a sign of emotional maturity.

Happiness is often found in the smallest, most ordinary moments.

Text people when you think of them—it means more than you know.

“Because I want to” is a valid reason.

Time heals a lot, but intentional healing is faster.

Everything feels less scary once you say it out loud.

Nobody has it all together. If they say they do, they’re lying.

You’ll never regret investing in good bedding.

Sometimes you’re not sad, you’re just dehydrated and scrolling too much.

Forgiving yourself takes longer than forgiving anyone else.

Life doesn’t get easier—it gets richer, if you let it.