Brainrot Repository

Bowser walked Luigi to the gates himself. Didn’t talk. Didn’t look. When Luigi looked, his expression was…

Weird.

A weird little thinking frown.

It didn’t seem angry, but Luigi couldn’t really tell what Bowser was feeling.

Luigi couldn’t tell what Luigi was feeling, either. Not bad. Good? Mmm… no.

Lighter, maybe. Floaty.

How in the hell-? He remembered the Grand Prix, their surprise teamup, their even more surprising victory, and then sometime during the afterparty Bowser had scooped him up and-

Redfaced, he looked back at Bowser, waiting in the door. Uncertain.

And Luigi

blew him

a kiss.

Bowser fainted.

————

Luigi sat across from Bowser and began, “I appreciate you being so willing to have this conversation.”

*Nod* “Of course.”

“Because in spite of everything I’ve actually really enjoyed our time together-“

*Smug grin* “Oh yeah?”

“-and I really- uh, yeah- um, and I really do want to… continue. Being… together. Like. This.”

*Bashful grin* “Me too.”

“But given the history of… certain parties at this table, I think it’s important to communicate, make sure we’re on the same page.”

“I totally agree. So, spring wedding?”

“It’s been two days!”

“I know! I made you wait. But-“

Communication takes time.

————

Negotiations dragged, but Bowser, eventually, reluctantly, agreed to start with dating.

Luigi didn’t want to go public until he knew the relationship had legs.

Bowser sent out a public proclamation the day after their hookup.

Oops.

After Mario’s (rational) fears had been assuaged and Bowser recovered from the concussion, things went surprisingly smoothly.

Luigi shouldn’t have been surprised that Bowser went overboard with gifts and courtship, but, well, he wasn’t exactly a princess.

Bowser was surprised every day. How had he never noticed how perfect Luigi was for him?

Time passed, and eventually Luigi agreed.

A spring wedding sounded great.

————

Kamek officiated, naturally. He knew his impatient king, and kept the ceremony as short as tradition allowed. Vows came quickly.

The King went first, “Luigi, I just wanna be married to you already, but every time I tried to write these stupid vows my feelings just kept pouring out. There’s too many reasons to love you. I’d need a lifetime to list them all.” He grinned. “So get ready for that.”

“Want me to save these for later, then?” Luigi dropped a thick stack of papers from his jacket.

“I do.”

They were kissing before Kamek could say another word.

Luigi, muggy and relaxed, laid on top of him to get a break from the heat. He rested his chin on his hands and marveled at the kids’ energy. Larry, Lemmy, and Junior were splashing and screaming through the scalding water with all the verve of children at the local pool.

Actually, there was a lot of screaming going on. Luigi cracked an eyelid. Playing had evolved into playful roughhousing, and from the way Larry was glaring as Junior argued stubbornly for five points in whatever game they had made up, it seemed likely to drop the playful part very soon.

“Bowser,” Luigi patted his living raft lightly.

“Muh,”

“Kids.”

“Muh?”

“Listen.”

Bowser raised his head a little further out of the water, then sank back in with a lazy sigh. “They’re playing, they’re fine.”

Luigi propped himself up and tried to wake up a little. “They’re about to drown Junior.”

“Water’s fulla minerals. He’ll float. An’ he knows how to store air in his shell.”

“Bowser…”

He let out a theatrical groan, “Darling, Tesoro, love of my life, I spent all last night staring at numbers tryin’ to make ‘em into bigger numbers. Now I’m sooo close to that inner peace junk everyone keeps yappin’ at me about, and you want me to give it all up…” dramatic pause “for this.”

Luigi snorted in spite of himself. Bowser always got silly in the water. “Just say something. Please?”

Bowser sighed again. “Kids!” he barked without moving his head or opening his eyes. “Don’t drown your brother!”

Three young voices chorused back in the key of whine:

“I wasn’t really!”

“BJ’s not cheating good enough!”

“They can’t drown me, shuddup!”

Languid, Bowser’s paw came up and made a vague saluting gesture in Luigi’s general direction before sinking back down. “Arright, got their attention. Take it from here, partner.”

“You know, I was up last night doing the same inventory you were,” Luigi pointed out in a reasonable tone of voice.

“That’s prob’ly why you’re so anxious right now,” Bowser drawled back. “How ‘bout you lie back down and we take a nap?” He started pretending to snore.

Luigi rolled his eyes and clapped his hands before the Koopalings went back to their alleged attempted principicide. “Calmati bambini, calmati! Pummeling each other never stays fun for long!”

“It’s not fun when someone’s cheating either!”

“But we used to fight you and Zio Mario and that was always fun!”

“There’s nothing better to do! It’s boring here!”

Luigi shook his head. “C’mon, now, that’s not true. I’m sure there’s lots of fun games you haven’t played yet.”

<<<“Like what?”>>> the chorus briefly became a choir. Luigi faltered slightly under the weight of their attention.

“Uh,” he sat up and looked around, ignoring Bowser beneath him trying to keep his equilibrium as he shifted. “Uhm,” This was a pretty barren spot, all things considered. “Why don’t you…” Not much around to spark the imagination, unless they wanted to hit each other with rocks, which they definitely would. An ancient scree pile had calved into the water at some point, leaving a sheer jagged cliff face of half-compressed stone towering over the edge of the spring…

Luigi waved his arm vaguely at it, “Why don’t you climb to the top of that and see who can do the best cannonball?”

He was met by three blank stares. Lemmy tilted his head and eyeballed Luigi. “How do you… do a cannonball?”

“Oh, it’s a word for-“

“You mean make them, right?” In the tone of one correcting an obvious mistake, Larry said, “Only Morton knows that spell, Babbo. He left to spar with Roy.”

“No, it’s just a type of-“

“You want us to poop on each other!?” Junior yelled out of nowhere. Luigi went red and waved his arms, but his words were drowned out by Lemmy and Larry’s uproarious laughter. Bowser’s chest heaved like he was holding in a giggle too, but when Luigi whipped around to glare he was still pretending to be asleep.

Arms crossed and pouting, Junior tried to defend himself, “well you fire cannonballs at the ground out of airships, so-“ his voice faded to an embarrassed mumbling.

“Look, why don’t I just show you myself,” Luigi cut in at the first lull. He dipped a foot into the water and suppressed a yelp. In his own embarrassment he’d forgotten it was hot.

“Too late to back down now,” Bowser muttered under his breath. Luigi shot him one more glare and grit his teeth as he slid off of him. He swam awkwardly to the edge of the pool and clambered up the back of the rocky slope.

He looked down at the pool. All the Koopas were watching him. Even Bowser had opened his eyes and stood up. “It’s all good, Luigi,” he kept murmuring to himself. “If it was actually gonna hurt you, you’d bounce off it and Bowser would catch you.”

Waiting made it worse. Before he could lose his nerve he closed his eyes and did a high jump off the cliff. He yelled, “Cannonball!” for the sake of tradition, then tucked his legs and arms in and braced for impact.

A minor slap on the behind, and it was over. The splash sounded big. Being submerged wasn’t as hot as Luigi had been expecting. Then a few seconds passed and it was even hotter. Luckily Bowser had been right about the water being buoyant. He broke the surface and fought to get his face away from the heat.

“There,” he told the kids. “Whoever makes the biggest splash wins.”

“Wins what?” The question shot out of Junior like a bullet.

Luigi scratched his head. He hadn’t thought that far. “Uhhhh… five coins?”

Junior paused and digested this information. “Why do we need coins?”

“People use them to buy stuff,” Lemmy explained.

“Oh.” Junior paused and digested this information. “But we don’t use coins. We just… get stuff.”

“That’s ’cuz King Dad’s the King.”

“Oh.” Junior paused and digested this information. “That’s a dumb prize.”

Luigi’s mustache twitched to the one side. “Well excuse me. I’m not royalty.”

Lemmy continued being helpful. “Yeah you are, ‘cuz you married King Dad.”

“I knew that wedding was too good to be true,” Bowser rumbled with a smirk.

From across the dimensional barrier, Luigi felt his blue-collar parents tossing and turning in their sleep. He put up his hands. “Okay, okay. Forget the coins. How about winner gets to choose what I make for dinner tonight?” Bowser raised his eyebrows. Before he could say anything, though, the kids were tumbling over each other trying to climb the bluff.

“One at a time!” Luigi shouted. “And you have to beat my splash too!”

“I don’t think you thought this through, Babbo,” called a voice from the shore. Luigi turned to see Iggy. He was back from his hike, setting down a few interesting-looking stones underneath their parked Clown Car.

“What do you mean, Iggy?” Luigi called back.

Iggy turned and pointed to his shell with a thumb. “Surface area.”

Above them, Larry yelled “Cannonball!”

“Oh no…” Luigi started swimming away, but he was too late. The wave from Larry’s impact swamped him. His eyeballs felt like they were being steamed. He surfaced with a sputter and continued his journey to the shore.

Larry surfaced with a gleeful squeal. “I want homemade Thwomp Burgers for dinner, Babbo- hey! Why’re you looking away, did you even see me!”

Luigi turned back. “I saw you, Larry! Great jump. You still have to beat your siblings, though.”

“That was the biggest splash ever!” Larry insisted. “No way is BJ gonna blblblshblub-“ He’d made Luigi’s mistake of not leaving the danger zone. Junior splashed down every bit as violently as his brother had. They both came back up coughing and whining. Luigi waded back in to help, but Junior pushed him off and wheezed triumphantly, “Spicy fried chicken!”

Larry, who had been crying to Luigi about water in his nose, abruptly shifted his attention to Junior. “No way! My splash was bigger than yours!”

“Nuh-uh! I saw it from above, it was tiny!”

“That’s because you were far away!”

Luigi tried to mediate. “Don’t worry boys, Iggy’s watching on the shore. He can judge the splashes.”

“But he’ll just pick Lemmy ‘cuz they’re twins!”

“Guys, look out! Lemmy!” Iggy shouted.

“See!” Junior shrieked. Luigi didn’t hear him. He was looking up. Lemmy had pulled his wand from somewhere and was busily gathering magic. With a wave, an orange and yellow bouncy ball just slightly smaller than the circumference of the pool appeared in the air and began a stately descent.

Luigi didn’t keep watching. He grabbed Junior and Larry by an arm and towed them with all the strength his legs could muster. It was too slow. Both kids were almost his size already, and much, much heavier.

If Luigi had kept watching, he’d have seen Lemmy jump off the cliff and bounce lightly off the ball, speeding its descent. He turned a neat triple backflip in the air, deliberately killing his momentum at just the right moment to fall spiky shell-side down. He caught up with the apex of the ball just as its nadir kissed the water below it, and fell through.

-BOOM-

The wave exploded outwards. For a second there was a massive crater in the lake’s surface, then it collapsed back in on itself, dragging Luigi and the other two Koopalings with it. Water crashed in from all sides and spat out a column that threw them several meters in the air.

After he hit the water a chaos of churning and burning bubbles was all Luigi could see for a while. Eventually he figured out which direction was up and swam to it. He broke the surface to find a pouting Junior and Larry staring at a line of bubbles in the center of the pool.

Lemmy didn’t keep them waiting. He burst out of the water with a triumphant cheer of “Breakfast for dinner! BREAKFAST FOR DINNER! Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhh!”

<<“You cheated!”>> shouted Junior and Larry in stereo.

“Mamma Mia…” Luigi covered his eyes and rubbed his forehead as the arguing came back around.

“I still jumped.”

“You used a ball to make the splash!”

stomp

“No, I used my shell, like you.”

Stomp

“You used your shell on a ball!”

Luigi looked up. There was another sound besides the kids yelling. It sounded like-

“We didn’t use magic, so you can’t use magic!”

Stomp

-slow, deliberate footsteps-

“All Babbo said was to do a cannonball and make the biggest splash and I did.”

STOMP

-getting closer-

STOMP

-somewhere over their heads.

Luigi looked around. Bowser was not in the pool.

“Babbo! Lemmy cheated!”

“We wanna do-over!”

Luigi looked up just in time to see Bowser bend his knees for a big jump-

“SWIM TO THE SHORE, KIDS! NOW!” Luigi screamed. The three of them looked up at Luigi’s tone, followed his gaze to their father, and took off through the water.

Bowser jumped, high, high into the air. Higher than should have been possible from a standing start. At the top of his arc he did a somersault in the air and curled into a ball, his shell magically stretching and shifting to become a perfect spiked sphere.

Luigi and the kids had just managed to get their hands on the edge of the pool when a cry of-

“CANNONBAAALLLLLL!”

-came hurtling out of the sky on a flaming ball of spikes.

It was a very different type of BOOM than the one that Lemmy had made. Water flew up in a single mass and pattered down as torrential rain.

“This is why I put my sulfur under the car!” Iggy yelled over the scalding downpour.

“That’s great, son!” Luigi yelled back, “Wish I was down there right now!”

It was over in a few seconds. Luigi, his skin bright red, crept up to the edge of the pool.

It was a crater. Maybe an inch or two of water left in it. More water flowed from a crack about halfway up the wall. It would be awhile before it was full again.

And there at the bottom, on his shell, spikes wedged in the stone, looking more than a little sheepish, was-

“I’m kinda feelin’ steak tonight,” said Bowser.

Despite having no visible seams or openings, the box was perfectly well lit. Luigi froze, seeing that massive fanged maw a few inches from his eyes. When Bowser tried to shift himself upwards, he lost his balance and tumbled backwards, hitting his head on the wall behind him. He tried to stand up, and hit his head on the ceiling.

There was nowhere to put his feet that wasn’t Bowser, who was pretty annoyed about it, judging from the thick black smoke pouring from his mouth and nostrils. If Luigi had been a teensy bit less terrified, he’d wonder why the box wasn’t filling up with it.

“WHAT IS THIS? WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?” Bowser thundered.

“M-me!?” Luigi squeaked.

Bowser glared back fiercely. “Yes, YOU! The annoying skinny green copy of Mario! Where are we!? How did you trap me in here!?”

There seemed to be a slight glow in the back of Bowser’s throat as he roared. Luigi cringed and put up his hands for all the good it would do him. “Who-whoa there, uh, b-big guy, hold on a sec! If this was a trap for you, why would I be stuck in it?”

“OBVIOUSLY you were the bait!”

“I… wha…?” Luigi rubbed his head. It was still hurting from the knocks he’d taken. “Why would you get into a box just because I was in it?”

“I WOULDN’T! I DIDN’T! I just woke up here! In your trap!”

Luigi gave up on trying to stand, but he wasn’t about to lay his hands on an angry King Koopa without permission. He crouched on his heels, trying to keep his balance as Bowser kept shifting beneath him. “Look, Bowser,” he said, low and calm, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice, “I promise, this wasn’t my plan. I just woke up here too. Whoever did this, they did it to both of us.”

“Hmph,” Bowser grunted. “Who would want to trap both of us? And why you?”

Luigi tried not to let the emphasis on that last word get to him. ‘Why you?’ He must’ve heard that spoken at least once a day since moving to the Mushroom Kingdom. So what if Bowser thought so too, so what if-

A faint glingle-glingle pulled Luigi’s attention away from his burgeoning self-loathing. A shimmering point of light shed glitter as it traced words that hung in the air between his face and Bowser’s. In an exaggeratedly flowy cursive script that was somehow legible from both sides, they read:

Escape is but a single kiss away.

Luigi let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank goodness.”

“WHAT!” Bowser bellowed, the green scales above his snout shifting to red in a chameleonic blush. “You… you want to kiss me?”

It was Luigi’s turn to blush. “Uh, NO! Of- of course not! B-but if we have to… I mean… at least it’s easy, you know?” He leaned in, only to meet Bowser’s paw.

“Nuh-uh.”

Luigi sputtered and pushed the hand aside. Bowser was looking away and pouting. “Wha- Why?! C’mon! Let’s just get it over with, so you can stand and I can breathe!”

“Nuh-uh,” Bowser repeated stubbornly.

“Why not!?” Luigi almost whined. The small space felt like it was heating up. He tried to take a deep breath and realized he’d been getting lightheaded.

“Uh, let’s see,” Bowser said in a petulant tone. He held up a finger on the hand he’d shoved into Luigi’s face. “One, you’re not Princess Peach. Two, you look just like the man who steals Princess Peach from me on a regular basis.”

“We’re not identical twins,” Luigi protested.

“Oh and I’m s’posed to fold like a house o’ cards just cuz you’re the hot one, is that it?”

“I’m what…?”

“AND three, MOST importantly,” Bowser went on, “I’ve got an all-powerful wizard on my payroll who comes whenever I call him and does anything I need. Kamek!” he called in triumph.

A few seconds passed.

“Kamek!” Bowser said again, louder this time.

His patience lasted two more seconds.

“RRRRRRGH!" Bowser started hollering at the top of his lungs. "Kamek! Kamek Kamek KAMEK KAMEKKAMEKKAM-”

“SHUT UP!” Luigi screamed, then immediately covered his mouth on realizing what he’d done

It certainly surprised Bowser. He stared at Luigi in silence for a moment, jaw agape, before he recovered and went back to pouting at the wall. “Fine. Stupid magic box is blocking the signal. But he’ll notice I’m gone before too long. I just gotta wait.”

“N-no…” Luigi started shaking. “I-I c-can’t be s-s-stuck like this!” He knew he was hyperventilating but he couldn’t stop. “Please, Bowser! I gotta get out of here NOW!”

“Sounds like your pro-” Bowser was cut short as Luigi lunged at him. “Hey! Quit it! What’s wrong with you?”

“I just fucking TOLD YOU, you ASSHOLE!” Luigi yelled. He tried to stand and fell forward again. Cursing, sobbing, he pulled himself up and started beating the walls of the box with his fists hard enough to bruise. “HEELLLP!” he screeched at the top of his lungs. “SOMEBODY GET ME OUT O- *cough* *hack* *wheeze” His breath came even shallower. He ripped his hat off and started desperately pulling at his overalls. Every bump against the walls as he thrashed reminded him just how small the box was. “Oh my god. Oh my god, oh my god OH MY GOD OH MY GODOH MY GOO- mph!” The paw came back, just two fingers on his lips this time. Luigi’s frantic, swimming eyes slowly came back into focus.

“Shut up,” Bowser said. Despite the curt treatment, he looked shaken. “Just- just relax for a second, okay?” He withdrew his hand. “Close your eyes.”

Luigi could barely speak, he was so terrified. “W-wh-why-why w-w-w-wo-”

“Just shut up and do it,” Bowser commanded. There was something like steel in his voice. Luigi’s eyes snapped shut before he knew what he was doing.

“Arright,” Bowser said, gruff but gentle. “Now just gimme a second…” While Luigi tried to breathe, Bowser retreated into his shell. First his head, so he could stand up too. Luigi slid off of him. He retracted his spikes and backed as far into the corner as he could. Then he brought his arma and legs in, lowering himself slowly to avoid tipping over and crushing Luigi with his plastron. He peeked his head out when there was room. Luigi was standing on the floor of the box. “Okay, now put your arms straight out, to either side. Really give ‘em a stretch.”

Luigi whimpered, “Nuh-uh.”

Bowser tried not to lose his patience. “Look, this thing is big enough for me, that means it’s big enough for you. Now put your damn arms out.” 

Luigi did so, shivering and trying not to bend them where they could bump into the back wall or Bowser. No matter how far he stretched, he couldn’t touch either side of the box. His breathing started slowing down.

“There ya go. Now stretch ‘em up, over your head, high as they’ll go. See? No walls, nothing. Yer not in a box at all,” Bowser’s voice was gentle, encouraging even. Luigi couldn’t help trusting it. You’re not in a box. You can stretch, you can move. Just keep your eyes closed and you’re not in a box.

“Okay,” Bowser continued slowly. “I’m gonna come back out of my shell and grab you now.” Luigi whimpered again. “It’s okay, you’re not trapped, I’m just gonna hold you, all gentle-like, and bring your lips up to mine, okay?” Luigi’s eyelids fluttered in surprise. He almost opened them to stare at Bowser but the Koopa barked, “Eyes shut!”

“Y-you- you’re really going to do it?” he asked. “F-for me?”

“Whatever,” Bowser tried to brush it off. “Might as well. I got a kid and a kingdom to get back to, after all.”

“I…thank you, Bowser. Really.” Luigi meant it. He’d never seen, or heard, rather, the fearsome King of the Darklands be so gentle before. He wouldn’t have believed it was possible. Massive, muscular hands closed around him, and they were gentle, too.

“Shut up,” Bowser said again, and Luigi felt the rumble of his deep, powerful voice; through those paws, through his clothes, through his skin and into his bones, where it settled, steadying him.

“Pucker up,” the voice was right next to his head. He thought he might think of the teeth that lined the mouth that voice was coming out of, as he so often did when they were near. Instead a vision of Bowser’s flaming red eyes presented itself, looking as they had when he’d stopped Luigi’s panic attack. Soft, full of concern. Cozy, glowing like embers in a fireplace. He found himself leaning in, as though he could study the inside of his eyelids more closely.

Then he met Bowser’s lips. They were huge. But puckered very deliberately, with only the lightest amount of suction. He’d definitely practiced kissing humans before. They still eclipsed Luigi’s tiny mouth completely. He repositioned slightly to get a little more purchase on Bowser’s lower lip and started kissing back.

Bowser was a surprisingly good kisser, Luigi discovered. Slow and generous, but powerful. Implacable. Where Bowser decided to kiss you, that was where you would be kissed. Instead of pulling away Luigi kissed him again. And again. 

And again, deeper this time. He was suddenly aware of Bowser’s hands on his body in a way he hadn’t been before. Even through his clothes, they felt soft and silky smooth, with just a bit of scaly texture, almost like snakeskin. Curious, he brought his own arms up and clasped Bowser’s neck, larger, pebbly scales sliding under his touch. He started leaning his weight into Bowser, squirming lightly against the more leathery texture of his plastron.

Bowser let out a quiet little moan, and Luigi came back to himself. He opened his eyes and pulled away to look up. The top of the box had disappeared. “Hey… hey, Bowser.” He turned back to the Koopa King, who was still holding him. He’d closed his own eyes at some point, and his mouth was still puckered. 

Slowly the eyes opened as Bowser murmured, “Why’d you stop?” The dreamy expression on his face made Luigi start to blush again.

“The- uh, the box is open,” he stuttered and looked away.

“Huh? The what? Oh.” Bowser looked around, waking up. “Guess it is.” He sat up again. “Where are we, anyway?”

Luigi stood tiptoe on Bowser’s crossed legs and looked over the edge of the box. “I see gray flagstones and red carpeting with gold highlights. I think we’re somewhere in your castle.”

“Any sign of Kamek?”

“Nnnno, doesn’t look like anyone’s around. I think this is a storeroom or something.”

“Mm,” Bowser nodded. “So… you… wanna kiss some more?”

Luigi’s eyebrows went up. “You… really?” He stared.

Bowser blushed too. Quietly he said, “I-I mean, if you want to.” He couldn’t meet Luigi’s eyes.

Luigi looked at that big bashful face for about five seconds before coming to a decision. He held that fleshy jaw cupped in both hands and made those startled red eyes look directly into his. “I’d love to,” he said, and leaned in.

It was even better with tongue.

And thus did the Box fulfill its purpose yet again.

//sigh, they just get longer. The last one I tried to write turned into a full AO3 draft.//

So Luigi shows up at Bowser’s castle uninvited. Obliviously, enthusiastically cheerful as only movie!Luigi can be. Picture Bowser advancing menacingly, half-silhouetted in the lava light. “Hey Big Guy! Brought your tiny castle in case you wanted to reminisce (Bowser steps on it) Whoa Yeah bad call on my part didn’t mean to embarrass you in front of your minions! Anyway, good thing I took out all your little canvasses out first! Here, look! (Luigi drops them just in time to jump back from the fireball Bowser burns them in) Yeah I bet they seem so tiny now, don’t they! But I bet that doesn’t matter for your little bonsai buddy! Surprise- oh!” (Bowser pretends to crush it in his hand, but at the end of the chapter we find out he saved it to keep tending to it in his room. He actually likes complaining to his bonsai buddy.)

Now, if this was first-movie!Luigi, this wouldn’t actually be much of a problem for Bowser. He’d lock Luigi up and use him as bait for his brother. Unfortunately for Bowser, this isn’t the first movie. He hasn’t even finished dictating the ransom letter before Luigi breaks out. Fine. Whatever. At least he‘s out of Bowser’s hair. And after a repeat visit to his old friend Mr. Dangling Lava Cage he’ll think twice about stepping so casually into Bowser’s domain again with all that buddy-buddy Bullyshit.

Except Luigi comes back. And keeps coming back. Every. Single. Day. Always cheerful, always acting like nothing happened the last time. Always with some new excuse.”Sorry! I think I left my other hat behind in your cage but I couldn’t find it. Since I’m here anyway, you wanna hang out?” “I thought you looked a little stressed last time, and I was worried you might have forgotten your breathing exercises.” “Hey I accidentally made an extra twenty pounds of spaghetti and meatballs and I remembered how much you used to love it!” And no matter how Bowser tries to keep him locked down, he slips out. The guards all swear up and down that they don’t know how he does it, but Bowser spies the occasional green-wrapped package being delivered to the soldiers’ barracks. A lot of troops leave the mess early on those nights.

Why doesn’t Bowser just kill him? Well, …hey, yeah, why doesn’t Bowser just kill him? Why has the thought of getting rid of Luigi not even occurred to Bowser? He was fully prepared to do it months ago, just to make his wedding special. And why does thinking about that now make Bowser so… uncomfortable? It’s not like he’s actually changed at all, has he? He was always just stringing Luigi along, right?

<<insert flashbacks of Mini Bowser slowly growing more considerate and letting genuine vulnerability slip over several visits after receiving his toy castle cause we all know the movie ain’t got time for that>>

Bowser being himself, he doesn’t bother trying to answer those questions. They’re annoying. He just wants to ignore them. He stops trying to imprison Luigi and just kicks him out when he shows up. Luigi, mostly because Mario is concerned about it, starts scaling his visits back to a few times a week.

One day Luigi arrives at the castle with a handful of properly sized canvasses and bunch of paint bottles. “Back when your son tried to kill me I noticed he was using a giant paintbrush does he like to paint too? Maybe him and your wizard dad can join us and we can all have a little art therapy jam session togeth- ougguh!” (Bowser grabs him and throws him out the window)

Despite throwing Luigi out, painting with Junior actually sounds like a good idea. He’s been so focused on his own evil schemes since becoming a teenager, and Bowser feels like they haven’t had any good father-son time since the Galaxy plot. He brings all the arts supplies Luigi left behind to his son and they have a good messy time together. Junior is surprised, his dad has always supported his painting, but he never seemed interested in doing it himself before. Bowser is surprised by how much he missed painting. He and Junior start setting aside a day every week or two to paint together.

One day a serving Koopa stumbles with a dish of Bowser’s favorite food. Bowser takes a deep breath, preparing to add a new Dry Bones to the staff lineup, and… lets the breath out. He takes another, deeper one, and he just feels calmer. It was an accident, after all, and he’s the king. It’s not like he can’t just order the cooks to make more. The Koopa falls over himself in gratitude, and all around him Bowser hears politely muffled praise for his “great magnanimity.”

It doesn’t occur to him that he was using Luigi’s breathing exercises until he’s about to go to sleep that night.

One day Bowser is aimlessly wandering his castle. Junior’s been away a lot lately. Kamek is dealing with something boring and clerical. The minions are all fawning and polite, but it’s hard to hold a conversation with them. Their awe is so immediate, so unconditional, that it’s starting to feel a little empty. Bowser can’t deny it any longer. He’s still lonely.

He enters his personal chambers to find Luigi (he bribed the guards with food) admiring a painting Bowser had been working on in his own time. “Wow, your style is so much more evocative at full size I love how you use your brushstrokes to imitate the heat haze from the fire and lava.”

Compliments are definitely Bowser’s weakness. With nothing else to do, he lets Luigi tell him what a great artist he is for a while and gets caught up in an enjoyable conversation almost without realizing it. He hasn’t really had a lot of good conversations lately with everyone around him being an employee or a child.

Luigi manages to stay on Bowser’s good side for an hour or so before he says something to annoy the Koopa King and leaves via the window, same as always. But it doesn’t matter. He knows he’s IN.

He starts visiting a little more frequently again, at a regular time. Sometimes Bowser still throws him out, but usually they spend at least a few hours chatting. Snacks and drinks and a Luigi-sized chair start showing up after the third or fourth successful visit. They start talking about their days, their hobbies, their families. Not much self-improvement talk but Luigi doesn’t really mind. It’s going to be slow. At least Bowser is still easy to talk to. He tries bringing in some more canvasses and they spend an afternoon painting together. They discover they both laugh at the other’s particular brand of bad jokes.

One day Yoshi arrives at Luigi’s normal visiting hour, regurgitates a letter into a guard Koopa’s hand, and walks off. Apparently Luigi is sick and can’t travel through the warp pipes without losing his lunch. He’s staying with his family in Brooklyn for the time being, and apologizes for missing their usual meeting time.