#sleep now

So Luigi shows up at Bowser’s castle uninvited. Obliviously, enthusiastically cheerful as only movie!Luigi can be. Picture Bowser advancing menacingly, half-silhouetted in the lava light. “Hey Big Guy! Brought your tiny castle in case you wanted to reminisce (Bowser steps on it) Whoa Yeah bad call on my part didn’t mean to embarrass you in front of your minions! Anyway, good thing I took out all your little canvasses out first! Here, look! (Luigi drops them just in time to jump back from the fireball Bowser burns them in) Yeah I bet they seem so tiny now, don’t they! But I bet that doesn’t matter for your little bonsai buddy! Surprise- oh!” (Bowser pretends to crush it in his hand, but at the end of the chapter we find out he saved it to keep tending to it in his room. He actually likes complaining to his bonsai buddy.)

Now, if this was first-movie!Luigi, this wouldn’t actually be much of a problem for Bowser. He’d lock Luigi up and use him as bait for his brother. Unfortunately for Bowser, this isn’t the first movie. He hasn’t even finished dictating the ransom letter before Luigi breaks out. Fine. Whatever. At least he‘s out of Bowser’s hair. And after a repeat visit to his old friend Mr. Dangling Lava Cage he’ll think twice about stepping so casually into Bowser’s domain again with all that buddy-buddy Bullyshit.

Except Luigi comes back. And keeps coming back. Every. Single. Day. Always cheerful, always acting like nothing happened the last time. Always with some new excuse.”Sorry! I think I left my other hat behind in your cage but I couldn’t find it. Since I’m here anyway, you wanna hang out?” “I thought you looked a little stressed last time, and I was worried you might have forgotten your breathing exercises.” “Hey I accidentally made an extra twenty pounds of spaghetti and meatballs and I remembered how much you used to love it!” And no matter how Bowser tries to keep him locked down, he slips out. The guards all swear up and down that they don’t know how he does it, but Bowser spies the occasional green-wrapped package being delivered to the soldiers’ barracks. A lot of troops leave the mess early on those nights.

Why doesn’t Bowser just kill him? Well, …hey, yeah, why doesn’t Bowser just kill him? Why has the thought of getting rid of Luigi not even occurred to Bowser? He was fully prepared to do it months ago, just to make his wedding special. And why does thinking about that now make Bowser so… uncomfortable? It’s not like he’s actually changed at all, has he? He was always just stringing Luigi along, right?

<<insert flashbacks of Mini Bowser slowly growing more considerate and letting genuine vulnerability slip over several visits after receiving his toy castle cause we all know the movie ain’t got time for that>>

Bowser being himself, he doesn’t bother trying to answer those questions. They’re annoying. He just wants to ignore them. He stops trying to imprison Luigi and just kicks him out when he shows up. Luigi, mostly because Mario is concerned about it, starts scaling his visits back to a few times a week.

One day Luigi arrives at the castle with a handful of properly sized canvasses and bunch of paint bottles. “Back when your son tried to kill me I noticed he was using a giant paintbrush does he like to paint too? Maybe him and your wizard dad can join us and we can all have a little art therapy jam session togeth- ougguh!” (Bowser grabs him and throws him out the window)

Despite throwing Luigi out, painting with Junior actually sounds like a good idea. He’s been so focused on his own evil schemes since becoming a teenager, and Bowser feels like they haven’t had any good father-son time since the Galaxy plot. He brings all the arts supplies Luigi left behind to his son and they have a good messy time together. Junior is surprised, his dad has always supported his painting, but he never seemed interested in doing it himself before. Bowser is surprised by how much he missed painting. He and Junior start setting aside a day every week or two to paint together.

One day a serving Koopa stumbles with a dish of Bowser’s favorite food. Bowser takes a deep breath, preparing to add a new Dry Bones to the staff lineup, and… lets the breath out. He takes another, deeper one, and he just feels calmer. It was an accident, after all, and he’s the king. It’s not like he can’t just order the cooks to make more. The Koopa falls over himself in gratitude, and all around him Bowser hears politely muffled praise for his “great magnanimity.”

It doesn’t occur to him that he was using Luigi’s breathing exercises until he’s about to go to sleep that night.

One day Bowser is aimlessly wandering his castle. Junior’s been away a lot lately. Kamek is dealing with something boring and clerical. The minions are all fawning and polite, but it’s hard to hold a conversation with them. Their awe is so immediate, so unconditional, that it’s starting to feel a little empty. Bowser can’t deny it any longer. He’s still lonely.

He enters his personal chambers to find Luigi (he bribed the guards with food) admiring a painting Bowser had been working on in his own time. “Wow, your style is so much more evocative at full size I love how you use your brushstrokes to imitate the heat haze from the fire and lava.”

Compliments are definitely Bowser’s weakness. With nothing else to do, he lets Luigi tell him what a great artist he is for a while and gets caught up in an enjoyable conversation almost without realizing it. He hasn’t really had a lot of good conversations lately with everyone around him being an employee or a child.

Luigi manages to stay on Bowser’s good side for an hour or so before he says something to annoy the Koopa King and leaves via the window, same as always. But it doesn’t matter. He knows he’s IN.

He starts visiting a little more frequently again, at a regular time. Sometimes Bowser still throws him out, but usually they spend at least a few hours chatting. Snacks and drinks and a Luigi-sized chair start showing up after the third or fourth successful visit. They start talking about their days, their hobbies, their families. Not much self-improvement talk but Luigi doesn’t really mind. It’s going to be slow. At least Bowser is still easy to talk to. He tries bringing in some more canvasses and they spend an afternoon painting together. They discover they both laugh at the other’s particular brand of bad jokes.

One day Yoshi arrives at Luigi’s normal visiting hour, regurgitates a letter into a guard Koopa’s hand, and walks off. Apparently Luigi is sick and can’t travel through the warp pipes without losing his lunch. He’s staying with his family in Brooklyn for the time being, and apologizes for missing their usual meeting time.