my circus, my monkeys

--- --- ---

The house had somehow gotten louder which you had thought impossible, considering there had already been twelve conversations happening at once.

Someone was opening wine - even when it was barely three in the afternoon. One of your uncles had moved on to telling stories nobody asked for. Lizzie was currently being passed around the room like royalty, which she loved.

And Jack… he was doing suspiciously well. Better than you had expected, actually.

He’d survived your aunts interrogating him about his intentions. He had even laughed about your cousin teasing him. Your mom had already hugged him at least ten times - mostly starting crying in the process. At one point you caught him helping wash dishes despite your aunt Marcie desperately trying to stop him. 

“Jack, you’re a guest” she protested.

He shrugged. “Yeah, for now, but I’m also marrying into this family.”

Aunt Marcie stared at him for a moment before turning toward your mom, who had just entered the kitchen. “He’s definitely here to stay” she shouted at her, even giving a thumbs up.

You were reaching for another glass of iced tea when the front door opened. You looked up - muscle memory more than anything else - and when you saw who it was, you began to smile.

“Oh my god - Adam!”

You crossed the room before he’d even fully stepped inside, which made him laugh. “Well damn.”

“You’re late!” you said, your hands on your hips.

“And you’re dramatic” he replied with a grin.

Then he hugged you - hard, easy, automatic. You hugged him back just as tight.

“You look good” he said when you pulled away.

You laughed. “I’m fucking tired.” 

“Well, you’re a mom now. I think that’s kind of the default option.” He looked around. “I heard you brought your mysterious boyfriend. Where is he?”

“Mysterious boyfriend?” you repeated, already laughing. “You guys need a life, seriously.”

You stood on your toes, looking around the room, then grabbed Adam’s hand and led him over to the counter where Jack stood with one of your uncles.

“Sorry, Uncle Damian, but this is important.”

Jack turned - and froze for half a second. Because he immediately recognized that guy from the picture you sent him back in January. The guy in the bar who had looked at you like you were the most amazing person in the room.

Jack’s jaw tightened when he saw you holding that guy’s hand.

You didn’t notice any of this, instead you smiled brightly at Jack.

“Jack, this is Adam, my cousin. Adam, that is my mysterious boyfriend, as you called him.”

Jack relaxed almost instantly. A second later he tilted his head. “Mysterious fiance” he corrected with a serious face before he winked at you.

You blushed. “Of course - fiance” you said quickly, holding up your hand. “We are engaged.”

Adam stared at you for a moment, then pulled you into a hug. “Congratulations! That’s great to hear!”

Then he held out a hand toward Jack. “I’m Adam, hi. She and I grew up next door to each other. Really nice to finally meet you. She told me so much about you.”

Jack shook his hand. “Well, that sounds mildly threatening.”

“That was probably my intention” Adam replied dryly. “But no worries - I’ve got far better stories about her to tell you.”

You covered your face with one hand. “Adam, no, please.”

Jack immediately looked delighted. “Oh, I like you already.”

“Likewise” he replied with a grin. “Did she tell you about her horse phase?”

You groaned. “Adam.”

“Or the vampire phase?”

“Oh, fuck you, Adam.”

“What, you didn’t tell him about your Twilight obsession?”

You closed your eyes. “Everyone liked the movies back then” you mumbled under your breath.

“Yeah, but you were already twenty-two, girl.”

“Stop it.”

“Okay, what about the year she was convinced she’d become a famous singer despite being utterly shit at singing?”

“ADAM FOR FUCKS SAKE STOP IT!”

Jack was laughing properly now, looking like Christmas had come early.

Adam looked very pleased with himself. “He needs to know all of this if he wants to be part of this crazy-ass family.”

Jack nodded thoughtfully. “He has a point there, honey.”

You looked at Jack, then at Adam. “Fuck, I’m beginning to think it was a mistake bringing you here.”

Jack laughed again. “No, you’re fine. Maybe it was just a clever thing to bring me here after I asked you to marry me. No backsies now, right?”

You shook your head, laughing despite yourself. Then you took his hand. “Right, no backsies.”

Adam winked. “I need to go say hi to the rest, but Jack - welcome to the madhouse.”

A while later another voice drifted from the hallway.

“Where am I supposed to put these?”

You turned automatically - and froze. A man stepped through the doorway carrying a crate of beer.

He saw you - and froze too.

For a second neither of you spoke.

The years between you seemed to stretch across the kitchen - then his eyebrows slowly climbed. “Well… shit.”

You stared.

He looked older. Broader. More lines around his eyes. Definitely more beard. But still looking vaguely annoyed at the existence of humanity.

“Peter?!”

“What the hell are you doing here?” he said at the same time, putting the crate down on the floor.

Several relatives started laughing.

“You mean - at my family’s house?”

“Yeah.”

You blinked. “Um, visiting my family.”

“Right.”

For a second he just looked at you. Then his eyes moved to Jack, standing beside you. His expression immediately changed - not dramatically but enough. His shoulders tightened, his eyes narrowed slightly, his gaze flickered between the two of you.

Out of nowhere your mother appeared beside him. “Peter!” she exclaimed. “Have you congratulated them yet?”

He frowned. “Congratulated them for what exactly?"

The entire kitchen went quiet.

Your mother looked delighted. “Oh this is even better.”

Before you could stop her she grabbed your hand and held it up. The diamond on your ring caught the light immediately.

“From Tiffany's" she explained, proudly.

Peter stared for a moment, then looked at you. Then at Jack. Then back at the ring.

His jaw tightened. “Oh.”

You immediately recognized that tone.

Your mother apparently didn’t. “They’re engaged!”

The silence that followed felt oddly heavy. Peter looked at the ring again, then he stepped closer, staring at Jack. “Well, you must be Hunter then.”

The entire kitchen gasped.

Jack glanced at you, visibly confused. “What?”

You blinked, suddenly at loss for words.

A couple of relatives exchanged looks, some others suddenly appeared to be very busy.

“No, I’m not Hunter I’m Jack. Abbot. Nice to meet you” Jack said eventually, holding out his hand.

Peter ignored this completely, just glaring at him. “You sure?”

“Yeah, pretty sure” Jack replied dryly.

Something shifted behind his eyes. Confusion first, then something that looked like disbelief.

“Wait.” His gaze snapped back to you. “What happened to Hunter?”

You crossed your arms. “I left him years ago.”

Peter just stared, before eventually exhaling through his nose. “Did you finally come to your senses?”

“Peter!” Your mother smacked his arm, which he completely ignored. He was still looking at you - studying, checking. Like he was trying to determine whether you actually meant - whether you really had left him or if he had left you and you were just trying to sugarcoat it.

Eventually something in his face softened.

“Good.” The word came out rough, almost angry. Which somehow made it more sincere. 

Your chest tightened unexpectedly. “Yeah.”

He nodded once - then hugged you. Hard. The kind of hug that almost knocked the air out of your lungs. You hugged him back. For a second neither of you spoke.

Then he muttered quietly enough that only you could hear: “You scared the absolute shit out of me, you know that?”

Your throat tightened again. “Yeah.”

“You were smarter than that.”

“I know.”

He exhaled sharply. Then squeezed you one last time before letting go. When he stepped back his expression was already closed off again.

His eyes immediately found Jack and stayed there. Jack held the look calmly. Peter didn’t smile, didn’t even pretend - he just looked at him, measuring, evaluating, suspicious as hell.

Jack noticed immediately and tilted his head, slightly amused.

Your mother looked between them, then groaned. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Peter!”

Peter frowned. “What?”

“You could at least be polite.”

“I AM being polite.”

“No, you’re not. You’re looking at him like you wanted to drag him out for a fight.”

Peter glanced back at Jack. “Not yet.”

The kitchen erupted into laughter. Even Jack laughed, which seemed to annoy Peter even more.

But a moment later Adam’s voice came through the open window from the garden: “Peter, get your ass out here - and bring the beer!”

Peter narrowed his eyes, then got to pick the crate up again and disappeared into the garden. It took a moment until the kitchen grew louder again.

You let out a deep breath, dragging a hand across your face. Jack turned toward you.

“Do I want to know the history here or…?”

You closed your eyes for a moment. “There is no history here” you said quietly. “He’s Adam’s best friend and he was here all the time when I grew up.”

Jack nodded slowly. “Well, yeah, I figured but honestly? That chat and that hug doesn’t feel like no history to me.”

You swallowed hard, then glanced at the kitchen buzzing with people. “I’ll tell you everything later, okay?”

He watched your face for a second, then nodded. “Okay.”

“I should have a look where Lizzie is. I haven’t seen her since we arrived.”

Jack started to smile. “I bet she has the time of her life.”

You also started smiling. “Yes. Thank God she’s already so spoiled they can’t really make it worse.”

“But we can try.” One of your aunts, standing to your left, looked over and winked.

“Privacy is a myth here” you groaned, then took Jacks hand and dragged him into the garden.

At dinner you noticed that Jack got a little weird. Not obvious, just… subtle.

When you sat back down beside him, he reached for your hand immediately. Intertwined your fingers. Didn’t let go for a single second. His thumb brushing absently over your knuckles while conversations moved around you.

You leaned over to him. “Are you okay?”

He smiled instantly. “Yeah, sure.”

“You sure?”

“Mhm.” He kissed your temple and gave you a wink. “That family of yours is just a lot.”

“Yeah.” You nodded sympathetically, because - he wasn’t wrong.

Somewhere farther down the table Lizzie sat between one of your aunts and your mother, getting fed mashed potatoes while one of your cousins made faces to entertain her. She laughed so hard half of the potatoes landed on the table.

You shook your head, smiling. 

Jacks hand lay on your thigh now - possessive in a way he usually wasn’t around other people.

Someone asked him questions about his job and he answered them perfectly polite. One uncle leaned closer, pointed a fork at you and winked at Jack.

“Don’t let her run away before wedding, huh?”

“Absolutely not” Jack shot back, a little too fast, a little too serious, grabbing your hand like muscle memory, holding it tight.

Everyone started laughing. You shot Jack a look.

“You sure you’re okay?”

He furrowed his brows, then nodded. “Yeah. Absolutely.”

He lifted your hand and kissed your knuckles softly, before returning to his conversation.

You could feel the look that Peter gave you across the table, but chose deliberately not to react to it. Instead you grabbed your wine glass.

The kitchen felt blissfully quiet for once.

Outside somebody laughed too loudly. One of your uncles - probably Damian - had clearly had too much wine and was telling the same story for the third time, just louder. Lizzie was somewhere in the living room being aggressively adored by your cousins while Jack had somehow gotten trapped in a conversation with three of your aunts and your mother.

And you? Stood in the kitchen, needing a minute.

You leaned against the counter, taking a long sip of water and letting your shoulders finally relax. You closed your eyes for a moment.

“You hiding?”

You looked up - and noticed Peter standing in the doorway, a beer bottle in his hand.

You shrugged. “Kind of.”

He nodded. “Fair.”

He didn’t say anything else, just his eyes dropped to your left hand where your ring was. Immediately his expression soured.

You noticed instantly. “Oh, come on.”

“What?”

“You’ve been staring at that thing all evening.”

He shrugged.

“You could at least pretend to be happy for me.”

Peter took a sip. “I am happy for you.”

“You don’t look too happy.”

“No.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Why?”

He shrugged again. “Because I just met him.”

You laughed once. “Okay, wow, impressive argument.”

“I’m serious.”

You rolled your eyes, taking another sip of water.

He rubbed a hand across his jaw. “So, you’re really doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Marrying him.”

You stared at him. “Um, yeah. Of course. I’m engaged.”

“Just because you got a kid together doesn’t mean you need to marry him, you know?”

Your mouth fell open. “Excuse me?”

“What?” He crossed his arms.

“No, seriously. What the fuck, Peter?”

He lifted a shoulder. “People do stupid things when there’s a kid involved.”

You laughed. Not because it was funny but because otherwise you would’ve screamed. “Oh my God.”

“What?”

“You haven’t spoken to me in years and this is what I get?”

Peter looked irritated now. “You know exactly what I mean.”

“No, actually I don’t.”

His jaw tightened. “You just don’t have to marry the next best guy that comes along.”

The words came out harder than he probably intended. You could tell immediately because for a second he looked like he wanted them back. But he didn’t backpaddled. He just went quiet.

You set your glass down. “Wow.”

“Look-”

“No.” You shook your head. “No, let’s stay here for a second.”

Peter sighed. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Well, then explain it.”

He looked toward the backyard. “You always fall hard.”

Your stomach dropped. And you suddenly felt like you were twenty-two again.

“Seriously?” Your voice came out quieter than you wanted.

“You know I’m right.”

“No.”

“You do.”

You folded your arms. “No, Peter. But what I know is that you disappeared.”

He stared at you.

“And now suddenly you’re back and acting like I need your permission to get married.”

“I never said that."

That was met with silence. For a moment the two of you stared at each other - then he looked away first.

“I’m just saying you don’t have to panic.”

You blinked. “Panic?”

“Yeah.” His voice softened a little. “I know you’re almost forty.”

Your eyes widened. “Oh my God.”

“What?”

“Did you seriously just say that to me?”

Peter immediately noticed he’d screwed up. “That’s not-”

“No.” You pointed at him. “Come on. Finish that thought. I’m desperate to know where it’s going.”

He let out a long breath. “I’m not saying you’re old.”

“Than what did you say?”

“You don’t need to settle.”

For a while neither of you spoke. Then you laughed - a short, disbelieving laugh. “Settle? You think I’m settling?”

“That’s not-”

“Do you hear yourself right now?”

Peter scrubbed a hand over his face.

“You know what? Fine.” He took another sip, almost angrily. “You want honesty?”

“No. But apparently I’m getting it anyway.”

“Damn right.” His eyes met yours. “Five years ago you were crying over this asshole Hunter every week.”

You swallowed hard. The name hit you like a slap.

“Then you told me you’d left him. You’d swear it was over.”

You looked away.

“Then he’d apologize. And you’d go right back.” He suddenly looked tired. “Do you know how many times I watched that happen?”

Your anger wavered slightly. “Peter-”

“No.” His voice cracked unexpectedly. “You shared the shit out of me. You were smart. You were always smarter than that.” He paused. “You think I’m doing that again?”

You looked up. “Do you think I’m doing it again?”

Peter hesitated a second too long - and that was answer enough. Your stomach dropped.

“Wow.”

“Look-”

“Could you please stop comparing my fiance to Hunter?”

“I didn’t compare him to Hunter.”

You laughed again. “You absolutely did.”

“I said I don’t know him.”

“And somehow you’ve already decided he’s secretly awful.”

Peter barked out a laugh. “Jesus Christ, you really don’t hear yourself, huh?”

You stared at him. “No, Peter, I don’t. Why don’t you explain it to me?”

His eyes flashed. “Fine.” He set the beer bottle down. “You disappear to Pittsburgh. You meet this Hunter. He destroys you mentally. Then - you finally leave him. And out of the blue you meet this... this doctor guy. A couple of months later you’re pregnant.” 

“Watch it.”

“No, you watch it.” He threw his hands up. “Do you know what that looked like from here?”

You crossed your arms. “I genuinely don’t care.”

“Well, maybe you should. Because you always had a type.”

You laughed - sharp, angry. “Oh, so now we’re psychoanalyzing me?”

Peter ignored that. “Guys everybody loved.”

Your jaw clenched. “Peter.”

“Guys who seemed perfect.”

“Peter.”

“Guys who said the right things.”

“Peter!”

“Guys who looked great on paper until one day they weren’t looking so great anymore, huh?”

“STOP!” The word cracked through the kitchen.

Peter fell silent.

You were breathing harder now, furious. “Do not stand there and pretend you know Jack.”

“I don’t. But I don’t need to know him to know how this usually goes.”

This sentence hit you like a slap.

You stared at him. “Excuse me?”

Peter was angry now too. “I bet Hunter didn’t introduce himself as an abusive asshole.”

The words landed hard.

And you hated that they landed at all.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

"Don’t I?”

“No.” You stepped closer. “No, actually you don’t.”

“Really?” He glared at you now. “Because last time I checked I spent years watching you defend that bastard.”

You flinched - and immediately hated yourself for it.

Peter noticed. “Every time somebody raised concerns. Every time somebody tried to help. You defended him.” His voice cracked slightly again. “You defended him every single time.”

You looked at him, your lip trembling for a second. Then - “You know what? You disappeared. After all your speeches and opinions and concern? You vanished.”

His jaw tightened even more. “I told you why.”

“No.” Your voice rose. “No, you told me to go fuck myself.”

He looked away for a second. “I should’ve stayed.” The anger disappeared from his face almost instantly, leaving something worse - regret. “I don’t know. I just know I couldn’t keep watching.”

You swallowed hard, your anger leaving your body slowly.

But then he glanced back toward the backyard again.

“I’m just saying - two years isn’t a long time.”

You closed your eyes. “Stop it.”

“It’s not and you know it.”

“You are unbelievable.”

“I’m realistic.”

“You met him what? Five hours ago?!”

“And you knew him four months before he got you pregnant.” The words exploded out of him, then he went completely silent, immediately regretting it.

“Wow.” You stepped back.

“I’m just saying you moved fast.”

“Well, but you don’t get an opinion on that.”

“You asked me!”

“No I DID not.” You shook your head. “I asked if you could at least pretend to be happy for me.” Now your voice cracked. “And apparently the answer is no.”

Peter looked at the floor and for the first time he didn’t have a comeback.

When he finally looked up again his voice was quieter. “You know you could always come back.”

You blinked. “Um, what now?”

He shrugged. “Home.”

Your chest tightened. “Peter-”

“You’ve got family here. People who are more than happy to help.” He glanced toward the living room where you could hear Lizzie shrieking delightedly. “You wouldn’t be doing it alone.”

Something about that sentence made your stomach twist because suddenly you understood.

This wasn’t really about Jack. It was about Peter still expecting disaster. Still keeping an escape route ready - just in case. It didn’t make you less angry at him, but a small part of you appreciated this.

You stared at him for a long moment. “I’m not looking for an exit, Peter.”

He didn’t answer because he knew exactly what you meant.

You smiled despite yourself. “I don’t need an exit. I’m marrying him because he’s the love of my life and he makes me so damn happy.”

He sighed. “You know I’m just trying to look out for you, right?”

Something inside you snapped instantly. “Funny way of showing it.”

His jaw tightened. You immediately regretted saying it, but you didn’t take it back.

He straightened slightly. “I should probably get back out there.”

You nodded. “Yeah, probably.”

He didn’t move. Eventually he glanced toward the doorway. “I’m glad you’re okay.” His eyes drifted back to you. “I wasn’t sure you would be.”

Your throat tightened. 

He nodded once then walked out, leaving you alone in the kitchen.

The moment the door swung shut something inside your chest collapsed. Suddenly you were unable to breathe properly.

You were so angry. At him. At yourself. At the entire conversation. At the fact that he still looked at you like you were incapable of making your own decisions.

And at the fact that a tiny part of you still cared what he thought.

You closed your eyes and stepped out of the kitchen. You slipped upstairs unnoticed, past the guest room, past the bathroom until you reached your old bedroom.

It looked smaller than you remembered but it still felt familiar.

You set down on the edge of the bed - and finally let yourself cry.

You didn’t know how long you sat there.

Ten minutes.

Twenty.

Maybe more.

Eventually you heard footsteps in the hallway. Then the door opened quietly.

Jack stepped inside carrying a sleeping Lizzie against his shoulder.

His eyes found yours immediately - and he noticed everything. The tears. The red eyes. The way you were trying very hard to pretend everything was fine.

His face softened instantly.

He crossed the room. Lizzie barely stirred when he lowered her into the crib that had been set up beside the bed. She made a sleepy little noise, turned her face into the mattress and continued sleeping. Jack watched her for a second, then turned around and looked at you.

“Sweetheart, what happened?”

Your throat closed immediately.

He sat down beside you on the bed, close enough that his knee touched yours. “Hey.”

You shook your head.

“Sweetheart.”

And somehow that did it. The tears came harder now. You looked away quickly, embarrassed. “I’m fine” you managed with a hoarse voice.

“Do you want to try that again?” His voice was gentle.

You laughed weakly through your tears. “I… I had a dumb fight with Peter.”

Jack nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“I know he’s trying to look out for me. He’s just really bad at it.” More tears streamed down your face. “But he think I’m making a mistake.”

Jack went very still.

You stared at your hands. “He thinks I don’t know what I’m doing.” Your voice cracked. “He thinks I learned nothing.”

Jack took a deep breath. “Do you think you’re making a mistake?”

You looked up immediately.

Jacks expression hadn’t changed. There was no anger, no defensiveness. Just curiosity.

You stared at him, then laughed through fresh tears. “God, no.”

His shoulders relaxed a little. “Okay.”

You swallowed hard. “He doesn’t know you.”

“No.”

“He thinks you’re like… my ex. He thinks I’m settling.”

That finally made Jack blink before a small laugh escaped him. “Well, that’s a new one.”

Despite yourself you laughed too.

Jack reached over, his hand finding yours automatically. “Hey.”

You looked up again. 

“You know you don’t have to convince Peter.” His thumb brushed across your knuckles. “You don’t even have to convince me.”

He sounded so sure, so calm, so completely certain that your chest started to hurt. The tears came back immediately.

Jack opened his arms. “Come here.”

You went without hesitation, tucking yourself against his chest, his arms wrapped around you. His hand stroked slowly through your hair while your tears soaked his shirt.

For a while neither of you spoke.

When the tears finally dried down, you swallowed hard. “I love you.”

His lips brushed your forehead. “I know, kiddo.”

You let out a watery laugh. “Do you want to try that again?”

He laughed too. “I love you too.”

You closed your eyes. And finally - finally - the knot in your chest began to loosen.

--- --- ---

You wanna keep reading? - Next part is coming soon, I promise :)

--- --- ---