actually, this was my first draft of what I was gunna say to you. F it.
Hi shi. I am responding to your post here because i am too much of a coward and a careless, narcissistic schizophrenic psychopath to post it with my name. Look, I’m sorry. I never wanted you to feel like you were carrying a burden because of what I said. I didn’t want - or mean for it to feel like a “curse.” I didn’t mean for you to take it on like this and I’m sorry. But the truth is, Lucifer really did hurt me and break my heart to the point of me considering suicide. He even said “go fuck yourself” and some other voices(or maybe it was him) chanting kill yourself, kill yourself so now I know forsure that Lucifer wants me dead and will never love me.
I’m not asking you to counsel, coddle or consul me here I don’t care about that. My point wasn’t to “curse” you in anyway it was directly led at Lucifer as he will not talk or even respond to me even to say “fuck off stinky bitch I don’t fucking like you. I got my godspouses and I devour them tasty pussies everyday unlike your sorry ass you I’ll never put my sweet lips on.” Okay that was a bit much but sorry it’s the truth and I’m a total fucking bitch.
I’ve decided that I do not want anyone ever again if I can’t have Lucifer, I do not anyone ever again. A human can never give me the sex Lucifer can and that is why I’m so bloody obsessed with him. I’m delusional as hell and wish I was like everyone else. I wish I was, but of course I can never have what I want. Oh well, that is my fate and Lucifer could care less about meanwhile he’s got his nose stuck up in all his millions of scented pussy and dick every single day. He wants me dead anyways! All those little “Etsy” readings I got saying he loves me so much, he wants to fuck my brains out this and that, was all just fucking AI and my little delulu fantasy world that will never come true(lol even the one where he “apparently” called me his “naughty little kitten” and “sweet girl”) Anyways If he would just fucking talk to me we could solve this but nope! He is a little boy that won’t grow up.
Do not post or reply to this. I just wanted to get my point across. Now, time to paint my face like a psychopath clown that I am and fucking slit my wrists! After I get drunk of course(I’m an alcoholic too, WOOOO🫠) my cat just passed away.
Hail Lucifer, for encouraging a sick person who is in love with him to end my life.
Take care Shi, this will be the last time I bother you.
I refuse to respect your request to answer this privately. You are not sorry, and you do not feel remorse for this action, otherwise you would not have repeated it. You have shown a clear lack of respect for yourself, for Lucifer, and for me. Your sorry is a tool used to disrespect boundaries, I do not accept it.
"I didn't mean to curse you, here's another!"
I'm gonna say first and foremost that your threats of suicide and self harm are in fact threats. You are once again dumping this trauma onto me and assuming that saying sorry makes that okay. I still have to go to work and go about my day with this weighing on my mind, that is an attack on my mental health. Do not message me with threats against anyone's safety including your own.
I know exactly why Lucifer refuses to respond to you, I knew since the first message you sent me. You self admit that you are experiencing psychosis directly related to your relationship with Lucifer, you self admit that you lack agency and responsibility. So as far as I can see, you are very aware that you are not in a healthy state of mind to be engaging in deity work. Grounding always comes before Gnosis. Without a stable foundation, "Deity work" isn't spirituality, it’s just a feedback loop for mental illness.
Your inability to separate your internal projections from Lucifer's will allows you to use him as the scapegoat for your suffering. It is easier for you to call yourself a victim of a God than it is to address the harm you do to yourself. Your inability to recognize his voice has led you into being scammed by bots on Etsy, not because you're a psychopathic narcissist who's so broken and evil, but because you repeatedly refuse to take agency over your own craft and relationship. You are attempting to bypass the work in favour of fluff. You're not crazy and evil, you're stubborn.
When I fail to get a response from Lucifer, I pack it up, reflect upon what didn't work, and try to improve tomorrow. You read something given to you from something you paid money for, then are confused when his reality doesn't match your delusion. He doesn't have the financial incentive to feed into your fantasy, he refuses to exploit your loneliness. He would rather take himself out of the equation entirely.
Lucifer is not responding because there is no possible way for you to hear him. Your responsibility as the human being is to prioritize your health and wellbeing before trying to offer yourself to someone else. That's what shadow work is, and that's what demons employ us to do. That is what makes you valuable, your ability to self reflect and grow, to take accountability and be the changes you want to see.
This self loathing language that you think excuses you of responsibility, "because you're just broken" or "because you're just a coward", is a shield against the deep mental work that you know you need to do. Any response from Lucifer would be pouring gasoline onto a fire he did not light. He refuses to reward you for refusing to do the work. You don't gain intimacy from entitlement, you experience it as you grow together. If there is nothing to be grown there is nothing to be fed. Read that again.
The way you hyper sexualize both Lucifer himself and his relationships with his other partners is very disturbing to me. It tells me that your understanding of my relationship is a hollow reduction based on a pornographic fantasy. It tells me that your pursuit is not the enlightenment or gnosis Lucifer provides, but the fulfillment of a fetish that you are trying to force him to perform. You see the complicated web of relationships he shares with us as little more than an orgy. If your only yearning towards Lucifer is mind-blowing sex, you do not respect Lucifer on the most basic level of a person, you have reduced him to a fetish object. You're not acting like a devotee, you're acting like a customer trying to force a King to act like a sex worker. That is predatory.
In that case, yes, there are many incubuses who would be happy to fuck you, I suggest Asmodeus or Lilith's help with that. Poke your nose into your local bdsm scene and find a dom who is willing to do that to you. Experiment with psychedelic sex. If you want a fetish, you should go to a fetishist, not a God of Enlightenment.
But do not fall into the delusion that deity work is some kind of fix all for your sexual frustrations. Lucifer does not owe you an orgasm. Lucifer actually doesn't owe you anything, and you owe yourself everything. Stop looking for a fix and start becoming the solution.
I am not Lucifer's boyfriend that he just loves and favours because I have a nice pussy. I am his vessel, we have a written contract with explicit bounds that prevent the very pitfalls you are currently experiencing. There are consequences for violating that contract. Any practitioner who seeks to be in contact with, and especially be married to, a spirit, should absolutely have a fully written and agreed upon contract that ensures the safety and *dignity* of both parties.
One of the most important laws of my contract is that my relationship with Lucifer must be beneficial, not parasitic. I am "legally" obligated to take care of my mental health, to engage in therapy, and most importantly, to step away and take a break when I am overwhelmed, when I stop being able to discern reality, when I start hurting myself. My peace is structurally engineered.
I'm going to tell you something that's going to hurt far worse than believing that Lucifer hates you and wants you dead. Lucifer doesn't want you to die, Lucifer doesn't even want you to go away entirely.
Lucifer wants you to get it together.
Lucifer wants you to stop seeing and treating yourself as nothing whilst demanding that he treat you as something intimate.
Lucifer isn't talking to you because you're not listening. You're too busy entertaining the demons in your head because you know full well that a true interaction with Lucifer wouldn't be so dramatic.
If we're both talking about Lord Lucifer, the God of self deification and enlightenment, the God of dignity, he would tell you to quit this humiliation ritual and start making the changes you know you need to make. He would tell you to stop abusing yourself and blaming it on him. It is easier for you to believe that Lucifer hates you than it is to admit that he hates seeing you do this to yourself, and is refusing to participate in it. He will not sit back and watch this.
You don't want to speak to Lucifer, because you know the real Lucifer wouldn't kiss or fuck you, at least not right away. He would take your hand and teach you something you're still too afraid to learn. You spent all this time writing these messages to me when you could have been writing to him, or even better yet, yourself. Your words say one thing, your actions say another.
Lucifer is the god of spiritual sovereignty, not spiritual slavery or suicide. He is the God who teaches us that we are divine in our own right, that we are worthy of lavishness and grace. Lucifer gains far more pleasure from watching you pick yourself up and rise out of this hole than anything else. He will not help you continue to dig yourself deeper. If you want to speak with him, meet him on his level. Do not ever ask Lucifer to lower himself for you.
It is not his job to pick you up, nobody is going to provide you with the perfect recipe to find your own way. Not even my yapping is going to change things for you.
You know all of this already.
If you really believed you were done for, you wouldn't have messaged me. There is a sick sense of pleasure one can gain from killing themselves. You're still at the stage of marvelling at the flames, questioning how or why they got there, and "woe is me"ing at them rather than extinguishing them and cleaning up the mess they created. Grief can be a fetish too.
Lucifer doesn't do pity, he does forgiveness only after accountability. He cannot forgive you, he cannot even meet you, if you're still punishing yourself on his behalf. Based on my own experience with him, self deprecation is the fastest way to make him leave the room.
You already know what you need to do, you already have all the solutions to your own problems, you already know how to reach Lucifer. There's nothing I've said here that you probably don't already know. The only real reason I'm answering this ask publicly is to provide everyone who reads this with an example as to what will happen if you try to jump into deity work or force godspousal without doing the inner work first.
People use deity work as a form of escapism, believing that if a God loves you they will fly you away to a perfect life of endless sex and candy. But deity work in reality forces you to confront and overcome your own demons, not the ones you read about in grimoires, the real ones that live in your head every day. It forces you to acknowledge everything that you cannot control as a human, and everything that you must take control of to remain human. A God like Lucifer doesn't give you a sword to fight "monsters", he gives you a mirror to confront yourself.
You cannot buy communion. You cannot self pity yourself into sovereignty.
I wish I had a kinder way of saying this, but you already said you don't want my coddling, so I'll just end with this:
And do not message me again.
If you do have the audacity to message me again, it better be good.
