GINGER

if you won’t kiss a girl after she sucked your dick u r lame as hell

finally worked up the courage to tell the starbucks girl she was beautiful and i only puked twice

did you puke on her? 

that’s not important. what’s important is that she knows how i feel now

isnt it weird that we cant ride any other animals except horses. like if horses weren’t a thing humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. like riding animals just wouldn’t really be a thing. we should probably be more grateful to horses

elephants

blocked

camels

extra blocked

donkeys

ultra blocked

that dick

… followed

*sees something cool on the internet* hmm *shows it to my wife* hey hon is this cool? i love you

*sees something uncool on the internet* uh oh! wouldnt want my lovely wife seeing this *smashes my computer*

good evening does anyone remember that one disney channel movie where a family wins an entire house that’s artificially intelligent like Siri but as the movie progresses the house becomes more and more strict and obsessive and eventually it holds the family hostage

nope how was your day today?

very good! it was raining and there was a nice slug on the pavement

wow!! right on the pavement?

right on the pavement!

just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

where are you gonna keep it

:)

i hate when ur in public and u overhear someone yelling about some drama to their friend but they leave before they get to the end and it’s like bitch!!! what did madison do i’m all ears!!

me as a crab, lobster or scorpion: *snip*!!!

in my defense, i was left unattended