Sehnsucht

The night of, Koho Shoda

insta

“Honestly I just fell into it.  I started as an engineering major.  Then one night I was slaving over my physics homework, while my roommate sipped tea on the couch and read a novel.  So I decided to be an English major like her.  Ten years later I’m working as a copywriter at an advertising agency.  You know that feeling when you’re pulling into the driveway, but you can’t remember anything about your ride home?  That’s a bit how it feels.  Like I blinked and I’m eight years down a career path that I just sort of fell into.  There’s plenty to be grateful for.  It’s a good enough job.  I’m not living paycheck to paycheck.  I can afford to have fun and take vacations.  But my job is not my passion.  And every story you see elevated on social media is: ‘I loved this thing.  It became my passion.  And then it became my career.’  There’s not many people saying: ‘My job isn’t my passion, but I love mountain biking on the weekends.  And that’s enough for me.’  I think the feeling I’m trying to resolve is a sense of ‘enoughness.’ There’s so much I love about my life, but I spend most of my time at work.  Is it OK to get my joy outside of work?  Or does my passion need to be tied to my livelihood and a sense of responsibility?” (Toronto, Canada)

Rêverie, Serusier,

Tucson, Arizona

“Something happened the second year of college.  I grew very hard on myself.  I became sad, and disappointed, and angry.  But then I met a girl, the first I’d ever been with.  And everything was postponed for a while.  I felt energized.  I was even doing my homework.  But now we’ve broken up, and I’m having to face all the stuff that the relationship allowed me to ignore.  I’m overthinking everything: ‘What should I do?  What shouldn’t I do?’  But the actual doing never happens because I have no motivation.  I’m sad all the time.  It’s worst when I go to bed, and I realize that I haven’t done anything, and that I won’t do it tomorrow either.  A lot of people believe in me, but they’re getting tired because I’m not there yet.  And it’s not their responsibility anyway, it’s mine.  I’m just afraid I’ll never get back to the way I used to feel.  The feeling of being awake.  And loving myself.  And getting out of the house.  And exercising.  And going to the beach.  And hanging out with friends on Sunday evenings.  And thinking just the right amount of thoughts.  No suspicions.  Or criticisms.  Or fears of the future.  Only the thoughts that are useful.  The thoughts I need in this moment.” (Madrid, Spain)

Holly Stapleton (Canadian, based Toronto, Ontario, Canada) - Something Cosmic, 2018  Drawings

Next up in our program is the highly talented @lonacpot who is best known for his photorealistic murals, link in bio for more info! https://www.instagram.com/p/BvghPiYgt2c/

California’s super bloom. Most peaceful morning I’ve really ever had.

25.03.19