“If I say the word ‘circus,’ it means I’m ready to leave the party.” That’s what Angie Ebba, 39, of Portland, Ore., tells close friends when she’s at a holiday soiree.
It might sound strange, but coming up with a code word is one way Ebba tames her social anxiety. “If I need to leave, having a word I can slip into conversation is a discreet way to let my friends know,” Ebba explains.
Most of us feel socially uncomfortable from time to time, but for Ebba, the anxiety of attending a party triggers a heart-thumping, face-flushing flood of fear and a cascade of worries. Her pulse races. Her mind goes blank.
“I worry I’ll embarrass myself, and if I’m at the party with someone else, I worry they’ll be embarrassed by me,” she confesses.
The problem is not Ebba — it’s her anxiety. What she’s feeling is more than social awkwardness. The gut-wrenching anxiety and harsh self-criticism of social anxiety disorder stops some of the estimated 15 million Americans who have it from applying for jobs, initiating friendships and, during this time of year, attending holiday parties.
Holiday Parties Make You Squirm? Here’s How To Conquer Social Anxiety
Illustration: Tracy Lee for NPR
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