Side Blog

I lost interest for the show for a while after the hostility towards destiel fans started, it was hard to stay involved when it felt like the show hated me for shit i didn't do- sure, there are always gonna be crazy fans in any community, but it felt like everyone was being lumped together with the people who would send death threats and harass the actors at conventions. It was a pretty clear sign that I wasn't welcome in this space anymore.

So imagine my surprise when years later I decided to tune in to the last season out of morbid curiosity, only for November 5th to occur. Sure, it was comical, a character comes out and is immediately sent to super ultra hell, basically the thing i'd been scared would happen to me for most of my life, and sure the ambiguity of it and Deans lack of any kind of reply made it obvious that they wanted to make sure it could still be seen as an 'i love you, bro' sort of thing by any of the fans that would spontaniously combust if it was an explicitly gay thing.

(I mean, they literally spend most of the show trying to kill the Christian god, but heaven forbid they make one of the main characters gay)

The point is, as diabolical as it was, it was still far more than I ever expected. In fact, it blew my mind. After all of the religious trauma that had me balls deep in the closet for years, it was such a simple but reassuring concept- What if an angel was gay?

But then over the years, it feels like it's always been up in the air whether it was canon or not. I always tended not to really take anything the actors said to heart, as they were obviously entitled to their own opinions, but the way it was treated always felt kind of off to me.

Particularly when people dare to breathe the word 'destiel' at cons are still booed and mocked, and told to keep that shit to themselves. Now obviously I'm not defending people who are being freaks and making others uncomfortable, but it's like people who even acknowledge it or ask respectful questions about it are still shamed publicly because that's not actually part of the show- but the thing is, it IS part of the show now. They literally wrote it in. Even if it was one-sided, its still an actual plot point IN THE SHOW. So why are we shaming people for asking questions about the show????

My main issue comes from the fact that the show continues to this day to pat itself on the back for being so brave for what they did, yet at the same time, it constantly backpedals on itself. They parade around their queer confession, happily accepting the brownie points it scores them, but also ostracising their queer audience.

These are real videos uploaded to the official supernatural youtube channel. THEY ARE TAKING PART IN PRIDE MONTH. Oh, wow how wonderful, aren't they so accepting and brave?

I know it sounds silly, but as a gay person, it feels like a slap in the face.

I wouldn't care at all if it was canon, but the show/actors seem hell-bent on telling us it ISNT. Which is FINE, i don't care if it isn't either, but they need to pick a fucking side, it's either canon or it's not. Cas is queer, or he isn't. His relationship with Dean is romantic, or it's familial. Right now, it's like they're ping-ponging back and forth and still reaping all the rewards of having this awesome gay representation that they can show off like a badge of honour.

I'm not trying to start further discourse or anything by posting this. I'm aware that at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter, and I will happily continue to ship Destiel quietly in my own little corner of the internet. I just needed to word vomit this out of my brain because at the centre of it all, I'm not angry, I'm just disheartened.