my hidden gems. a list of my favorite movies that not many people have watched, cause they need more love!!
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@butchdeanjohn
my hidden gems. a list of my favorite movies that not many people have watched, cause they need more love!!

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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i hate thinking about how there's people out there who definitely perceive me as a woman trying and failing at femininity. idk why i care so much about this but i hate it it makes my skin crawl.
When I am receiving a blow job, I summon a body hot with shame and dignity.
Butch blow job, by Jenny Johnson.
what is nefas?
so ‘nefas’ is a latin word which is probably best rendered in english as ‘sin’. it's used in latin literature to refer to crimes which go against the unspoken rules of the (roman) (“civilised”) universe, often ones associated with divine law. killing one's relatives is nefas. crucially, incest is also nefas. (n.b. that latin had no specialised word for sex between relatives—even ‘incestum’ just means ‘impure sex’.)
central to my personal fascination with the concept of nefas, however, is its etymology: nefas is probably derived from the proto-indo-european root *bʰeh₂- (‘speak’)—whence also the latin verb ‘fari’, ‘to speak’. so, the most literal meaning of ‘nefas’ is actually ‘that which is unspeakable’.
outside of classical literature, the inability to speak about one's experiences is an idea that comes up time and time again in narratives of incest. noel's songwriting is no exception. it is strikingly preoccupied with the speakable and unspeakable, and in particular is built precariously around the conflict between on the one hand noel's desire/need/compulsion to express his experiences and emotions through song and on the other hand the fact that he has a vested interest in not doing so—because to express himself fully (wrt the incest, specifically) would be to jeopardise his entire life.
this conflict seeps through the cracks of so many of noel's songs once you start looking for it. the most obvious manifestation of it is the theme of being unable to express one's feelings, e.g.
“i can't tell you the way i feel because the way i feel is oh, so new to me!”
“damn my education, i can't find the words to say with all the things caught in my mind.”
“there are many things that i would like to say to you, but i don't know how” (or, as noel sometimes sings it, “there are many songs that i would like to sing for you, but i don't know how.”)
note that i am allowing some slippage here between things that should not be expressed and things that physically cannot be expressed. this conflation is not an accidental one: the combined force of an external taboo (the incest taboo) working on internal repression (noel's) can be more than potent enough to fracture language itself.
in fact, i consider noel's “nonsense” lyrics to be a manifestation of nefas—i think that the fragmentation of language and meaning that we see in his more confusing lyrics is the result of the battle between his desire to express himself and the necessity to keep his experiences secret. but i want to talk about that in more detail in its own post...
the flipside of that which cannot be expressed is, of course, that which cannot be perceived—e.g.
“it was a sound so very loud that no one could hear”
“when the night is over, there'll be no sound”
the nature of the incest taboo is such that society's default reaction to incest is denial: denial that it exists in this specific instance, and denial that it is possible for it to exist at all. so not only is our speaker unable to express his experiences, but the listener isn't even able to comprehend them.
then if you want to (and of course i do want to) you can extrapolate further and apply nefas also to the things which are so unspeakable one cannot even think them:
“only for the young is the dreams you might not have. only for the young is the things we won’t remember”
“i'm thinking things that i just can't abide”
and this calls to mind certain aspects of trauma theory, and how sexual trauma in particular often results in a gap in the memory, a thing which can be neither explained nor expressed nor consciously understood.
note how in all of the examples i've given for nefas so far, noel has skirted around the idea. he will talk about the act of not saying/not hearing/not thinking without ever touching on what, exactly, it is that is not said/not heard/not thought.
the result of this is what i like to call The Hole™️: the conspicuous absence of an indeterminate Something in noel's songwriting; a [ ] at the heart of his music that is silent in itself but still colours the lyrics around it; a sound so very loud that no one can hear, if you will.
i have so much more to say on this topic, and in particular i really do want to spend some time examining individual songs more closely, so possibly you can expect some posts like that over the next few weeks. but this will do as a brief (?) explanation of the concept of nefas and why i think it's a useful word to have up your sleeve when dealing with noel's songwriting!!!! because truly. his lyrics are absolutely rife with nefas. it's like my own personal [ ] playground 💃🌈✨
other nefas-related ideas to consider/which i may elaborate on later:
noel's preoccupation with The Unnamed
the confusion surrounding identity in his songs—very often there is a ‘you’, an ‘i’, and a ‘he’ or a ‘she’, and these figures will overlap and become difficult to distinguish
the functionality of his songs and the role of the Stage-World in all of this (rock n roll and the suspension of reality)
EVERYTHING TO DO WITH CAST NO SHADOW.
really my Thing™️ is metapoetry (or here i suppose it would be metalyricism?) so i really am chiefly concerned with the relationship between noel and his music, and how the songs function in the world, how he conceptualises his songs, etc.
very last point: the venn diagram and the abstract i've put in this post are both from narrative nefas and the taboos of incest and bestiality in ovid's metamorphoses by joseph lawrence watson!!

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Oh jesus, I was enjoying this lovely clip of roadie Noel swinging some udders at an Inspirals gig at the Reading Festival in 1990 when I realised something.
Reading Festival in 1990... Inspiral Carpets
You're telling me that Noel was one half of THIS??
Full video:
if i were a film director i wouldn't be able to stop watching my own movies genuinely.
DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME? DO YOU THINK ABOUT US? DO YOU MISS MY PRETTY, MY FUNNY, MY TOUCH? IS IT DRIVING YOU MAD? ARE YOU KEEPING IT UP? DOES SHE LOOK LIKE ME? COURSE SHE DOES. WILL YOU EVER MOVE ON? WILL WE EVER BE DONE? YOU CAN SAVE YOUR BREATH, YOU CAN BITE YOUR TONGUE. YOUR ANSWERS, IGNORABLE. THESE QUESTIONS, DON'T BOTHER BABE
going to start saying "it's ok i have the blood of akasha in me" when faced with any kind of problem at all
that being said we ARE always embarrassing and i still love our team so much. i still remember when we won the world cup in 2010 and then in 2014 we didn't even pass the first round.

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i need the brothers oasis to get caught sucking dick in public so i can forget about the world cup.
like the thing that embarrasses me the most is the arrogance. like they're so racist they didn't even bother to play well. like they played like shit and then they expected lamine to save the whole game in 10 minutes. they SAW that they hadn't been able to score a single goal cause their defense was great and their goalkeeper was a machine and they STILL thought lamine could score 5 goals in 10 minutes. like i seriously hope we die.
Vozinha 🐐 of Cape Verde against Spain [score : 0-0] | World Cup 2026
no it's actually crazy as fuck how embarrassed i am about yesterday's game i'm gonna be thinking about this the whole week😭😭
i thought gabriestat's non incest roleplay was very fun in that they tried to abide to it and they didn't even last a second because an incestuous relationship doesn't sustain itself if u remove the incest. and i thought lestat saying they had to stop having sex wasn't that "serious". i mean of course he doesn't want it, in the sense that u never want it, but of course he wants it, in the sense that u always want it. and i don't think there's a change there between the past and the present, that's just what it is. i really didn't see gabrielle as particularly sexually aggressive, idk if it's me giving the show too much grace or if it's me not being against her character but i really didn't think it was lestat being like nooo please and her being like daddy long dick just landed in town. he texted her 50 times begging for it😭😭😭😭😭

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Lestat on that tour bus: 👀
[names my sons cain and abel] alright. get to it