Grimdark Garfield

i have a false tooth filled with a placebo in case i'm ever captured and need to be a control subject

fell back asleep and had a dream that i was introduced to a businesswoman named "rolex cortado" woke with a start because i was so afraid of forgetting the name rolex cortado. she had a fuckass bob

At the sex shop asking if I can buy a regular sized dildo I can put in my unremarkable asshole but they recognize me as the hero of legend regardless

Welp, I tried. Back to trying to hilt my one 17" pink tentacle toy, I guess

i think if you showed minecraft or fortnite to a little medieval peasant boy he would probably start writing parodies of church hymns. it’s human nature

if I ever met Ryan Gosling I would be like omg Ryan I loved you in hey girl I mean they

but actually genuinely why is the ant sad and leaving with a bindle

listen if a friend of mine transitioned and looked like me i would not be mad. i would not be asking questions. we would have other business to attend to