Jane @shybxnny - Tumblr Blog

#silly billy #girls with piercings #eighteen #bubble gum

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#hell is a teenage girl #im just a girl #depressing shit

#discord

Never pick up drugs, it will destroy lives and take lifes.

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I just lost nut step mama today.. I have been balling my eyes out for the past few hours. I can’t believe she’s gone for good and it breaks my fucking heart because I was hoping that she’d make it and that she’d come out of the ICUokay . Drugs have really ruined my fucking life and everybody else’s around me. I’ve watched my father about his eyes out all day long for the past weeks and it completely destroys me. My Nana, I watched her ball her fucking eyes out and try to wake my dead mama up… I can’t believe this has really happened. I’m fucking devastated and I don’t think I will be talking to anyone for a while.

#i feel sick #depressing shit #I love my mama

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-I need to be held like this-

#hell is a teenage girl

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I loved him

I question why,

Why it hurt.

I loved him

It wasn’t supposed to

Or was it?

Crying til sleep took me

I waited in the dark

Waiting for the blood,

The bleeding of the fruits from my heart.

The kind of love I give only once in a life time

I loved him.

Why did it hurt to love HIM

the man who once saved me and cared

Well I thought

How could I know for sure

I felt more fear then safety

I felt more uncomfortable

The comfort with him.

Well after all that pain…

I STILL LOVE HIM.

It’s 4AM in the morning right now and I have been balling my eyes out over and over again. I really need a hug right now because I just keep getting let down by the same man over and over again. I have no where else to write, I have no journal right now. I still have such a strong attachment to this man and I was hoping he can be the one but no matter how much I pray and I beg I just end up devastated once again. I have went down a downward spiral for a while now because of the kind of relationship I was in and I never knew how to get away because I care so much and I still loved him but I just kept on getting panic attacks because he would fuck with my mind and emotions. I even relapsed and completely destroyed the body I was fixing. It took me so long to actually love myself but all of that got took away from me because I decided to fall and get attached to the wrong person who would destroy me in the most outrageous ways.

If you are reading this I hope you realize and regret what you’ve done to me. Hopefully you become a changed man and learn from all your mistake because everyone deserves love. I mean no harm and I never will, I’m just broken because I can’t cope with everything that’s happened to me.

I am going to be healing and growing my hair out and taking nice care of myself I will probably not be ready for another relationship until later in life when I’m settled down in my house and I take care of my own and need no man.

#hell is a teenage girl #i feel sick #sadnees #depressing shit #tw #selfharrrm #toxic relationship #codependency #narcissistic abuse #healing #im just a girl

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