ha ha goodness I sure did do a lot of weird shit with this character, didn’t I?
No, but on a serious note: I didn’t realize how some of the things I said and did could have harmed other people, and I’m sorry that I and my ignorance caused so much pain. I’m going to clean out some of the garbage I’ve got on this blog.
Update: Some stuff (like Ayako’s backstory) is so integrated into canonical posts that I can’t get rid of it at this point. I’m sorry. As for things I could remove, or am in the process of removing…
Lots of explicitly NSFW stuff, including some Doubt After Dark art and a Doubt Days entry.
An unused execution that was gory for the sake of gore. I mean there’s an alternate unused execution that’s also gorier than it needs to be, but the one I deleted was way worse. Trust me.
A short story about Ayako’s dreams throughout DA3, some of which included NSFW elements or references to that execution stated above.
A drawing of Ayako’s scars. THOSE scars. That was a subplot that I did not handle with any sort of grace or respect.
Ayako’s romance arc and her fate post-DA3 are another very unpleasant topic that I have to address someday, but I haven’t yet planned out what to do, nor discussed it with relevant parties, so that’s going to have to wait for another day. Maybe in a larger post about all my Doubt characters. I will say this much, though: I am determined to get Ayako a happy ending, no matter what the cost is.
Addendum, because this has actually become an issue: Don’t tell me that I have sacrificed my artistic integrity by making the shittier parts of my writing/art inaccessible. If I don’t know you or if you’ve had a history of demanding I write to your specific interests (this too has been an issue), I’ll probably block you instantly.
This is a decision I’ve made on my own, after months of self-reflection and realizing I didn’t want to see some of my old content either. I know that I cannot erase my history, and I know that these things are still a part of Ayako I can’t deny. But that doesn’t mean I should put some of this content in places so easily accessible to the unwilling, or that for certain pieces I should have made them in the first place.
Hey, I’m gonna be doing some clean up here too! iirc it wasn’t quite as bad here as it was on Ayako’s blog, but still. Let’s not.
This has nothing to do with the current site-wide disaster for the record, it just reminded me that I never finished cleaning up other RP blogs. Let’s get this fixed up before the new year.
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There are a handful of people in the game that have taken a drastic turnaround in opinion, and Shoko perhaps suffered the worst for it.
(This got s o l o n g… Long enough for a cut!)
For almost the whole game, Manolo respected Shoko. They were never quite friends, with most dialogue between them being shared over bloodied rooms and lost fish – in other words, it was obligation that put them together. But Manolo had accepted that would be the case for many people, and he was just happy that if there was one person he had to trust not to drop a fish tank down the stairs, it was Shoko.
In many ways he looked up to her, believing her to be an irreplaceable asset to the group’s survival. She worked fast and hard to find evidence, and she had many clever suggestions on how to test more intangible clues like injuries. Even though the closest thing they had to a bonding experience was transporting Bopper Raspberry to the aquarium to keep her safe (an experience where for perhaps the first time, he was able to privately express his fear of not living to escape, even if just for a few words), he still wondered if there would ever be a breakthrough in friendship.
At the very least, Manolo put a lot of trust in Shoko. Before the blackout motive guided him right into a whirlwind romance, he had planned to tell her about his keycard tracker. He knew that if it fell into the hands of someone who murdered him, it would become a very, very dangerous, especially if his killer escaped justice. Manolo knew that at least one other person needed to be told, and at the time he felt that he could trust Shoko with this information – and his life, knowing that this knowledge would instantly make him a desirable target if she ever did succumb to the motives.
Ultimately he switched to only letting Iori and Kenshin in on the secret, thus why he tried to give Iori his blazer (and the tracker hidden in a pocket) before what he thought would be his execution, but despite what his internal narration suggested he wouldn’t have been too worried if Shoko looked through his jacket. After all, Shoko was also trying to help save his life, and that too instilled a lot of trust in her.
And then, the seventh trial happened.
Manolo Yamauchi’s sense of morality and justice is very self-centered, and just about black-and-white. Putting it simply, he will defend his loved ones to the very last moment, at the expense of all others. Going on a tangent for a moment: This is what happened to Keilani Akai, a former friend he would later compare Shoko to. Kei had realized that their mutual friend Hiro Igarashi had been skimming donations away from their intended recipients and using it to fund his own needs, or the needs of his friends. Even Manolo was unwittingly benefitting through gifts of tickets and new games and new equipment. Kei was planning on exposing Hiro and wanted to let Manolo know in advance, if only so that he could duck out before everything hit the fan. But he trusted Hiro more than he ever trusted Keilani, so he rejected any evidence she put forward. Kei eventually had to push forward with no support, and was harassed and threatened by other gamers until she had no choice but to abandon all her social accounts.
In short, Manolo can and will throw those he considers “lesser” friends to the hounds if it means protecting his best friends. Or his lovers.
What probably hurt Manolo the most was what Shoko did to drag a confession out. She deliberately exploited the bond Kenshin and Iori had, along with Kenshin’s own fears and traumas. She dangled Iori’s life on a fish hook and hoped that Kenshin would be so broken up at the idea of their death that he’d have no choice but to confess (a false confession, surely, because there was no way he could have really been the killer). Kenshin and Iori were brought to the point of tears, to the point of yelling, and everything broke and Manolo was left holding his boyfriend until he was yanked away to be slaughtered.
But he couldn’t blame him, or Iori. This isn’t to say that he wasn’t upset at all with what they did, mostly over being left out of the loop, but he would ultimately forgive both of them. Instead, the rest of his blame was redirected to “lesser friends”. Like Shoko.
Manolo hated everyone for what they did to him and Kenshin and Iori, but he put most of the blame on Shoko. It was her test, as far as he knows. Her accusation towards Iori. Her vote for them. Her reveal of the gun. She was a leader in bringing so many other murderers to justice, but she had the misfortune of having to reveal someone that Manolo loved to be a killer.
Objectively, he is aware that she was in the right. It was a matter of saving the innocents in the group, really: That’s why he started to hold back on defaults after Shigeru was executed. That’s why he voted to kill Hibiki, Sully, even Miko. But Shoko Maeno threatened Iori until Kenshin broke down, and somehow this is different from everything else. Somehow everything else was perfectly acceptable, but this meant she was cruel and coercive and manipulative.
Manolo Yamauchi is selfish.
There was still some room for improvement during the final week. His illness made the lines between Shoko and Keilani blur in his mind, and right before his punishment he realized that he wanted to apologize to the latter. Some of those feelings did bleed over to Shoko thanks to the fog-induced sickiness, but it was not enough to ever repair whatever friendship they could have had.
The only, only reason she regained a star on his relationships page was because she had some influence over bringing Keita to justice – she ultimately proved that she would be important to finding the Mastermind, something he still believed after all that happened. (In fact, despite Manolo considering murdering Shoko, it was her input in trials that made him reconsider; she would have been unlikely to be his first victim, and even Alice or Misaki had equal chances for his second victim. Also it totally would have been too obvious it was someone with a grudge.)
Shoko left to guaranteed safety, something he totally expected she would do and does not fault her for. If they never see each other again? He’s more than fine with that, too. Her job is done, and she can go back to wherever she came from now – maybe Hell for all he knows and cares. He isn’t even aware that he was in possession of a sentimental item of hers, and unless he dumped all his capsule items on a non-Shoko person before they left, it was likely lost in the explosion. (Or, if capsules are indestructible… Yes, he probably burned the pillow pest for warmth at some point. rip in pieces.)
Sometimes, Manolo does think about her, and he wonders if it ever really was too late to ever make amends.
When Manolo wakes up from nightmares of crocodiles and crucifixes and bleach, he understands that there was never a chance he could forgive Shoko.
Some still images of an asset I did for the endgame video! (i did edits to the mantle but... it was in like the last week of endgame so. my fault there!)
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As excited as I was for DA4, I ended up going through a rough patch for the first month. A lot of personal and financial problems came up, and I very quickly fell behind on the game and everything happening in it. By the time people were threading and breaking shit in the lodge, Manolo still hadn’t woken up for his intro post.
But eventually I did regain my stride in time for midgame, and all the fallout of that. and yet despite Nolo getting rekt five ways to last Sunday, I felt? Oddly happy?
okay no that’s not the right word at all
(What I’m trying to get at is, Ayako Itou was an emotionally draining experience. I love my little trash daughter, sure, but she never really got to be more than Okay with her life. Her high points turned out to be just bandaids covering up even deeper issues, and inevitably the rug always got dragged out under her and all of her progress would come crashing down.
Manolo is not Ayako. Sure there are parallels (like clinging to their murderous lover while sad wet and naked), but there really was hope for him. Maybe that would have changed just one more chapter into the game, just one more chance for him to murder somebody. But despite him hitting such a low point that he would gladly throw his classmates under the bus to save his own loved ones, I still feel like he can get a happy ending.)
...I’m not sure where I was going with that tangent. I think what I’m trying to say is, DA4 was a very refreshing experience? There just seemed to be a lot of positivity around! Maybe it’s just because I was braver this time around, and spoke to more people more often. I’m a private person who doesn’t enjoy talking about herself out of...shame and disinterest, i guess it is, but I still felt welcomed, even though i didn’t have a lot to add to many conversations.
This isn’t to say I was unhappy with DA3 -- I’m still in love with the game and I still cry for Ayakno Inope. But I’m so happy that I got to play someone who was relatively happier than her, even if I still have no regrets for destroying him. And I feel like there was a lot of room for me to stretch and relax. Again, maybe it’s only because i felt a little braver this time around. But I’m just so glad I did get to speak with so many more people. This past year+ of Doubt, most of it with DA4, has kept me afloat this whole time.
I’m going to be applying again, with my SHSL Culinary Competitor, Kenichi Kagata. spoiler: he’s a trash man. destroy him, I died as first victim once and fricked the mm, and then i endgamed with a punished character. there are no more limits. kenichi kagata must Die.
maybe there is more to say but apparently firefox wants to suck up 1.7 GB of memory right now. lmao!!
Thank you all for playing with me, or reading Nolo’s shenanigans! I really hope I can keep being part of the community, even if only as a reader!
i’m still sorting out just what happens to Nolo in endgame since he was last seen in a rather ambiguous situation but this is the general gist of the immediate action, plus what I can see for his future at the moment:
he stayed behind
he dead
but not really, he barely made it to safety in time and got to join in on Hellish Wasteland Hiking Marathon
Publicly, Manolo remains silent for a long time; he has priorities, like contacting family and finding a place to settle down.
But one day, eventually, he returns. Gaming forums, mainly speedrunning ones, begin to stir as bit by bit people see a few of his old accounts suddenly revive. Maybe he has to make new accounts on new places, and he claims to have lost his hands in an unspecified accident, but he’s making the best of the situation and for now is happy to relax with games now very, very old.
(The question: Do any of those who escaped first ever realize he’s there? It’s unlikely they’d find out quickly, unless they already have an interest in gaming and find out through those circles. Maybe even more years down the road, a news story about the gamer who uses his feet with an arcade controller will be run somewhere. But it isn’t a major story, and it’s easily forgettable and might not ever make it to the people who know the truth about his injuries. His survival will likely go undetected.)
I did some relationship stars before, but if I didn’t get you or there was a chance for a big endgame shift, send in a ★ and I’ll write something up! That said, Nolo’s exact whereabouts throughout and after endgame are being ironed out at the moment. Assume that he was 100% useless
Monobear Theater | Manolo | Hello and Goodbye, Master of the Court
“ < And have a good day. > ”
Manolo could have had more sympathy for Minoru. He truly could have. Had it been someone else in on the plan, he would have forgiven the idea of a suicide pact to force a mastermind vote – after all, he realized long ago that a vote had to be bought with blood, as he watched Iori and Kenshin mourn for Miko. And he knew that saying goodbye to one of the few beacons of light you had left would scar all involved. He could have sympathized more for Minoru and Sunny.
But it was the journal that had put the last nail in the coffin.
Manolo would not miss him in the least.
How many names was he trying to scrub from memory? Sully was the first, of course, and weeks after the disaster of the fifth trial he had settled on blaming Hirashi from murdering in the first place. And names like Shoko and Misaki and Alice kept wavering back and forth – too disgusting to live, too useful to die, they took Kenshin away, they’re just keeping the group safe.
Even with Alice’s own opposition, the other two somehow guided everyone into the conclusion that everything led back to Keita Yamaguchi. Mild, timid Keita who had never been a blip on Manolo’s radar, except maybe as an alternative to killing Alice or Shoko.
Beyond the initial look of surprise, Manolo quickly changed into a glare that passed from Keita to Minoru and eventually back again, before finally settling down and sulking in Iori’s arms.
By the barest technical terms, they had avenged their loved ones. They had caught those responsible for pulling the trigger or tightening the scarf, and they caught the one who ran the whole game to begin with.
It still rung too hollow to be a satisfying victory. It was just Okay.
“…Sorry.” A whisper – to Kenshin? To Cerys or P.K.? “I’m sorry.”
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okay i swear i’m going back to bed now but before i forget:
I will be away on the 12th! And likely part of the 11th and 13th as well. Hopefully I’ll still be on for most of the 11th at least. Barring any sudden emergencies, though, I should be back in time for DA4 endgame on the 15th!
Hey! I'm gonna be continuing my run of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky! Come watch the adventures of Wakana the Vulpix and Rune the Mudkip as they try to work hard and stand out, in the hopes of being invited out to their guild's expedition.
Also come watch me struggle to remember what each button does while I'm busy getting bodied in a Monster House.
(Warnings: Water, ocean, various Bug-type critters. That’s all I can remember off the top of my head.)
So it's been about a year since the DA3 rosters came out...! I had Big Plans for how I was going to mark the anniversary. There was going to be art and everything.
I have exactly none of that.
I do, however, still feel like streaming something! So I'm going to play Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky in a few minutes! I'll be using Doubt names for any Pokemon I recruit, with priority given to DA3 names.
Warnings: Water, ocean, various Bug-type critters. That's all I can remember off the top of my head...
Please bear with me while I try to memorize how the controls work on the keyboard... shh i don't have DS streaming equipment... And my laptop isn't a huge fan of running DesMuMe, so please let me know if any lag arises, or if the text is unreadable! I'm trying to find a compromise between the two.
(this is also...on an unverified channel... so there's a viewer limit, but i don't think it's likely it'll be reached)
(feel free to spread the link. Just please, everyone be nice! Unless you're here to laugh at me as i cry over a nintendo game in which case please keep laughing at me)
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