etto-etto-cetera

TumblThree seems to be a bit more refined, iirc? It allows filtering by tags, in case you only wanted records from an art tag or pictures of animals instead of the whole thing. Also filters by reblogs, post types, image types, and others.

The iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et cetera).”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”

“And Loopin was masticating to it!”

As great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.

Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.

Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.

Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a pentagram into his forehead.

There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens to have the exact same name.

Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.

The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian and Harry is a Satanist.

Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim” with his “tim machine.”

Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.”

Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.

Voldemort wears high heels.

Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.

Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.

Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara is a Rambo fan?

The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a female owl, for some reason.

Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread.”

Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.

James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.

Draco’s singing voice is described as “a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”

Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.

Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”

McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.

Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.

Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I think that is a genuinely clever pun.

The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.

Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”

This line: “Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”

And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”

“Azerbaijan”

“Hoes of Wax”

“Tom Bombodil”

“Cornelio Fuck”

“Professor Slutborn”

“Preacher McGongol”

“Lumpkin”

“TaEbory”

“The Bark Lord”

(It’s in image form bc I come from an overcautious era - rip my old e-mail address, now overrun by spam - but if it’s unreadable I’ll send you the text version.)

Here are some other places to contact me…! I’ve got most people on Twitter and/or Discord already, but not everyone, so I’ll be trying to gather up that contact info when I can! Note, though, that I don’t intend on totally abandoning this blog. I mean, I didn’t use it much in the first place, but I mean that I’m not going to delete. Even if I probably should.

I’m going to go down with this ship. Listen, it wasn’t until two months ago that I finally stopped using Skype for good. I ain’t leaving this hellsite until we’re all forcefully raptured away.

Or at least until the DR RP communities find a new home. Let’s be real, the current trend seems to be doing almost every thread on Discord and only using the blog for trial posts. It’s not going to be too much of a leap to disassociate from blogs further; the main issue is that most of the advertisement is done via Tumblr, and no one’s going to want to give up posts with sprites and art.

I don’t have Instagram or anything like that yet, but I guess that’s where a lot of the bird bloggers are going? So I’ll probably make an account there too, even though I won’t actually create anything there. idk, maybe I can use it as a gallery for my art? (Not that I’ve ever maintained an art blog for longer than two days, haaaa…)

I’ll figure out what to do about my game blogs later. As far as I can tell, most of the stuff on them hasn’t been flagged. But some posts and reblogs have, and I’m not sure if I or other players even want to revisit 2014-2015, much less try to salvage anything from it. Still, if anyone is trying to archive missing records from RPs, I’ll help with what I can.

Staff:

So I guess this post has become necessary. I obviously don’t post NSFW content here BUT Tumblr has recently mistakenly tagged a LOT of photos of my birds as adult content. I keep hitting the “review” button but nothing happens. Plus, as far as I know there’s no easy way to quickly see which of your posts have been flagged, and I’m not gonna sit here scrolling through thousands of posts from 5+ years of content. 

SO on the off chance something happens to this blog, OR if you’re leaving tumblr and would like to follow me elsewhere, I got you covered. 

My Twitter here is probably where I’m most active

There’s also my Instagram 

Facebook Page 

YouTube 

And Twitch