sleepy sheepy

if ocean sunfish lifted off like a rocket into space i wouldnt be surpised

“British writer invents time travel and uses it on One Joke”

The last of the classically trained tumblrinas

“you are a lawyer and he is a hamster” is one of the funniest statements ive ever had the pleasure of reading

#I have seen this post half a dozen times and y'all#this man is displacing his grief for his aging-out-of-the-nest daughter onto this hamster#I am old enough to be within striking distnace of this emotion#and I would absolutely fall to pieces if I lost my child’s pet while they were at college#I get this#it’s relatable#anyway this man is a national hero#long post#queue (VIA @gallifreyburning)

never kill yourself. you have to fill your mutuals dash with shit they don't care about forever, okay?

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

these were the most refreshing and delicious exilirs one could acquire in the 2000s

vampire with the ability to put humans in thrall but they use it solely to make viral asmr videos