This Is My Web Log That Belongs To Me

I bitched about this on another forum. Maybe it was this one. I’ve honestly lost count.

This is a Broadway musical that utilizes the music of the Go-Go’s.

First off, I think the IDEA of this is badass. And when I first heard about it, I was kind of interested (besides the fact that the title - which is one of their minor hits - is more connected to a Tears For Fears song, but maybe that’s just me).

Then I saw photos from the production:

Hold on. This can’t be right.

Wait a minute. 

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS HAPPENING?

Look, I’m all for melding styles & even bringing older music to younger audiences, but as I was watching today’s CBS Sunday Morning feature on “Head Over Heels,” which featured the band’s legendary career leading up to this,

it got me regretting that the creators of this musical didn’t go the “Jersey Boys” route with this thing.

Listen, I’m not a musical theater guy. Which means I’m not a “Jersey Boys” fan. But I’m a bigger “Jersey Boys” fan than I am a musical theater fan.

Never said it made any sense.

As a musician, I guess I dig musical theater more when the performers aren’t just singers. As a rock geek, I’ll admit being a fan of rockbiotheater (which isn’t a word). 

If they’d gone the rockbio route, they could’ve told the story of young girls learning how to play their instruments in front of belligerent crowds, 

trying to make a dent in the male-dominated LA punk scene

& then getting a label to sign an all-female band, which had never been done in the majors. 

Hell, Jane Wiedlin’s passages in this book ALONE could be a 2-hour play in & of itself.

Just a missed opportunity, IMHO. A strong, female story that’s a LOT more effective as a narrative than whatever THIS is supposed to represent.

Because no matter how captivating THIS may be as a story,

I guarantee you that you could take the Go-Go’s music out, plop in any other 80′s band’s music & it’d probably yield the same results. 

In other words, I’m all for a jukebox musical (I guess), but if I had my druthers, I’d prefer 5 badass women rocking out, playing their own instruments onstage & telling a story I care about than some farty, old story from the 16th century that’s laced with nostalgic songs just so I’ll pay attention.

I regret seeing THIS

because it proves that my sad attempts at forcing my cat to cosplay 

are seriously half-assed. 

I recently started a new job. And on my first day, they welcomed me with flowers.

What you’re actually seeing is probably around day 4 or 5, BTW. Hence the fallen petals. I have this uncanny ability to kill living things via slow, brutal neglect. 

Hell, just ask any of my EXES.

But in all seriousness, I loved the gesture & totally understand why people enjoy getting flowers. 

Well, I was walking though our building today & saw a single, solitary flower petal on the stairs.

Didn’t think much about it. Then I saw another one. 

And finally, a bunch of them in a doorway.

And I immediately regretted seeing this for reasons I can’t explain. It kind of broke me. 

Maybe it was the metaphorical nature of it all.  How everything in life eventually falls away. 

How even the smallest things aren’t safe.

How even beautiful, sacred things can fade.

Or maybe they’re just petals. Maybe that’s all. And maybe I should let this go.

But I still regret seeing them. I even gave the dumpster a cursory glance.

And I’m sort of happy I didn’t see anything.

But I’ve been lost in those stray petals ever since. If I didn’t have a hobby I’d suggest getting one just to get my mind off of this.

But I have a feeling I’ll be thinking about them for a while now.  Or maybe just all the mistakes I’ve made with my exes.

Like a lot of people, I’ve seen THIS flick several dozen times:

Well, I just watched it over the weekend & regret that I never got this off-the-cuff callback until now:

That’s right. If Miss Argentina had known she would be doomed to spend eternity as a civil servant, she wouldn’t have committed suicide.

Yeah, I know you might’ve gotten that from your first or even second viewing, but for ME, it was all…

Another slow-on-the-uptake regret is that it took me THIS LONG to figure out that the actress who played Beryl (Adelle Lutz)

was not only married to David Byrne,

but also designed the entire fashion show line in Byrne’s “True Stories.”

So, thanks, “Beetlejuice.”

Here’s to future viewings. And future learnings.

So, I watched this documentary a few months ago:

It’s a fantastic story of a shitty dump of a dance club in Trenton, NJ that one dude transformed into a punk/funk/metal/hip-hop mecca. 

His name was Randy Now. And I think of him as the U.S. version of the U.K.’s maverick DJ, Don Letts.

If it weren’t for Letts spinning reggae records, the dying punk scene in Britain wouldn’t have spawned the many iterations of reggae, as well as the reggae-tinged influences that started popping up in UK music.

Two clear examples:

Take Letts out of the picture & hundreds of these disillusioned artists wouldn’t have seen an opportunity to expand their palettes & extend their shelf life.

(If you’re keeping score, that means that The Clash (as it existed) would’ve died on the vine after the first album.)

Well, that was essentially Randy Now in the tastemaker sense.

A DJ in his own right, Randy soon evolved into a promoter & gave bands like Thompson Twins & Sinéad O'Connor their American debuts, as well as the first time bands like Danzig & Ween had ever performed live.

That’s right. Ween.

They actually opened up for Butthole Surfers at that first gig.

This place was the lightning rod of not only punk, funk, hip-hop & college rock, but also pop culture.

For instance, you may remember THIS SAMPLE from the Beastie Boys track, “Mark On The Bus.”

It’s from a hilarious Venom Banter Tape (which you can listen to in its entirety HERE), featuring the best in-between song ramblings of Venom’s lead singer, Cronos in all his twisted glory.

All that being said, the more I dig into City Gardens’ history, the more I regret never seeing a show there. Kind of like Rob from “High Fidelity” choosing his Top 5 dream jobs he’d love to have if “qualifications & time & history & salary were no object.”

Seeing old flyers from City Gardens put the fucking vice grips on my heart & soul.

I mean, look at those lineups.

Jesus.

That’s right. There are people out there, walking around even today in Trenton, New Jersey, who saw THIS double bill.

FIVE. FUCKING. DOLLARS.

it’s egg day. 

I regret that this story is fake. 

I’ll reveal why in a little bit. But first, let’s break this down.

The last line from the “customer” is clearly written by a lower-rung Onion intern.

I mean, okay, the idea that an employee could’ve snuck 300 copies of his CD into Happy Meals is actually KINDA’ plausible, considering all the bullshit they shove in there. 

But let’s consider one of the sites this originally came from: Huzlers.com.

The homepage “headlines” alone should clue you in:

Of course. “Henny.” Sounds like prestigious reporting.  Moving on.

Ooooooo, inconceivable AND offensive. Finally, my personal favorite:

Well, there it is. The reason why mental midgets like Trump can make up shit & his followers just nod their bullom heads in agreement.

The “joke” site that posted this same fake story back in 2017 is responsible for unfunny, offensive garbage like THIS:

I’m guessing the “author” of this trash is a 15-year-old who’s got so much privilege that he’s unaware of the level of violence heaped on POC every day in this country by law enforcement.

Spend that $20-per-story wisely, “I’m Luis.” 

Wait. I just looked him up. It’s worse than I thought.

Anyway, fuck those sites. Here’s why I actually regret this story:

Even though this TOTALLY made up, I still really, really, REEEEEEEEALLY want to hear this dude’s mixtape.

I’m not kidding. 

In conclusion, 8shit & Huzlers are joke sites. They’re just not funny. At all.

Here’s a cross section of stupid shit I did as a teenager:

• Bought the Tom Tom Club’s debut album with my own money • Nearly chopped my thumb off with a hatchet • Skated around my neighborhood as Baby New Year with no one around • Almost crippled a friend of mine by leaving my car in reverse • Traded a New Mutants graphic novel to a teacher for 10 worthless comics • Drank expired Yoo-Hoo even though I knew it was expired • Came close to breaking my tailbone by jumping into leaves • Participated in a “fireworks” war every single July 4th

I know, right? That’s just the “greatest hits” & it’s STILL a bunch of nothing. 

None of that comes close to the Tide Pod Challenge:

Yeah, no. I’m not introducing shit. Everybody knows what this is by now, so I’m not explaining it. (If you don’t, here’s a quick primer.)

But here’s the thing, I don’t regret the Tide Pod Challenge.

I WELCOME IT.

Thin out the herd, I say. 

If you can’t learn from the 10 people who’ve already died ingesting liquid detergent & the MASSIVE outcry from the general public (INCLUDING Tide) explaining why this is dumber than dirt, then maybe - just maybe - you’re one of the people who needs to learn a sad, stupid lesson.

Sorry. Sorry.

I made that uncomfortable. And you know what? I don’t mean that. Any of it.

Well, okay, not ALL of it.

Look, I regret the fact that there’s a segment of the population that will continue to do this because of “likes,” “followers” or “shares.” 

I also regret that it won’t matter how many more people die.* 

AND I regret that they’ll simply move onto something just as stupid/dangerous for the same reason.

Thankfully, I didn’t grow up in a time when approval from the Internet was a thing.

(I’m just doing it now.)  (As an adult.) (Which is sadder.)

Because otherwise, I probably would’ve been one of these fucking dullards.

Doing whatever it took to gain more “fans.”

Even if it meant biting into something toxic.

Honestly, this kind of behavior makes perfect sense, considering we’re moving into the 2nd consecutively STUPID year in U.S. history.

I mean, I guess when you elect the  dumbest twat on the planet to the  most powerful position on the planet, 

how else should we expect our kids to act?