Fuck You Monday

1. The Finns aren’t “in a very bad mood”… they are like “a bear shot in the ass” (Kuin perseeseen ammuttu karhu).

2. The Finns aren’t “broke”… they are “open in the ass” (Persaukinen).

3. The Finns aren’t in a “great hurry”… they “run using a head as a third leg” (Juosta pää kolmantena jalkana).

4. The Finns don’t think someone is “crazy”… they doubt “if one has all the Moomins in the valley” (Olla kaikki muumit laaksossa).

5. The Finns don’t use a “computer”… they have a “knowledge machine” (Tietokone).

6. The Finns don’t “get big-headed”… they have “piss coming up to their head” (Nousta kusi päähän).

7. The Finnish children don’t wait for a Santa Claus on Christmas Eve… they wait for a ‘’Christmas buck” (Joulupukki).

8. The Finns don’t ask “how are you?”… they ask “what are you hearing?” (Mitä sinulle kuuluu?)

9. The Finns don’t call remote places “godforsaken”… they state that a place is “behind God’s back” (Jumalan selän takana).

10. The Finns don’t say women are curvy… they say that women “have something to get a hold on” (Olla jotain, josta pitää kiinni).

11. The Finns don’t say “fuck you”… they tell you to “sniff cunt” (Haista vittu).

12. The Finns don’t have fairytales about “dragons”… they tell stories about “salmon snakes” (Lohikäärme).

13. The Finns don’t say someone looks extremely happy… they say one “smiles like a sun in Naantali” (Hymyillä kuin Naantalin aurinko).

14. The Finns don’t say something “vanished into thin air”… they say it “disappeared like a fart in Sahara” (Kadota kuin pieru Saharaan).

15. The Finns don’t say that “as a result of a rush something was implemented poorly”… they say something was “pissed while running” (Juosten kustu).

16. Angry Finns don’t say they will “kill you” …they offer to “take you behind the sauna” (Viedä saunan taakse).

17. The Finns don’t encourage you (or themselves) to “drink more”… they just say that “a drop won’t kill and you can’t drown in a bucket” (Ei tippa tapa eikä ämpäriin huku).

18. The Finns don’t think something is “very heavy”… they think it “weights like a sin” (Painaa kuin synti).

19. The Finns don’t say that “it’s water under the bridge”… they say “it’s snow of the past winter” (Menneen talven lumia).

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—Fan submission, thanks hukkapatka!

life tip: stay far away from the ted mosebys and the ross gellers