List of “I fucking hate them (or maybe I just like lying to myself)” prompts
“Don’t deny it. You were staring at my lips just then. You wanna kiss me that bad?” “Piss off, you wanker.” “You didn’t say no.”
“Kiss me.” “Oh, fucking gladly.”
“You liked that, didn’t you?” “I did not.” “Hm, then why can’t you look me in the eyes?”
“They’re the biggest fucking assholes known to mankind, so why the hell would I ever let their stupid face and stupid smile and stupid laugh and stupid everything consume my brain on a daily basis?”
“Is that a handkerchief? Why are you offering me a handkerchief?” “Because you’re crying and everyone else is ignoring you and seeing your pathetic tears makes me mad. So wipe them away with this; they’re hurting my eyes.”
“Who hurt you?” “Why do you care?” “Because no one gets to make you look like this other than me. I’m going to break their nose for this.”
“Here. Thanks for the handkerchief. I washed it and everything.” “I didn’t tell you to give it back to me.” “If you’re worried that I left my snot on there then—” “That’s not why. I just thought… I wasn’t expecting you to give it back to me, let alone remember that it was me who gave it to you. It has been a few months, after all. Have you been thinking about me this whole time?” “…How in the ever loving fuck did you come to that ridiculous conclusion?”
“I came to apologise. Even though we all make mistakes and you’re definitely the one in the wrong, I’m going to be the one to make amends. I’m sorry.” “…What’s the point of this apology if you’re going to be a dick about it?”
“Are you actually blushing because of me?” “I’m not! It’s just really hot in here and the air-conditioner is broken.” “Oh, that’s weird because this place is quite cool and the air-conditioner might be working a little too well.”
“The world doesn’t revolve around you.” “Oh, but your world revolves around me since you seem to be so obsessed with me.”
“Okay, so we might have fucked a few times, and very passionately at that, but that doesn’t mean I’ve caught feelings.”
“What do you mean I stare at them with heart-eyes? That is quite literally the opposite of how I stare at them — not that I do stare at them, by the way.”
“Looking at you is making me feel an insurmountable amount of rage so I’m going to kiss you to cease that rage, got it?” “Wait, what the fuck—”
“Telling myself that I hate them is the only way I can ground myself, because I know if I admit I’ve fallen for them, then there will be no one to catch me.” “So, you’re going to continue to hate them even though, deep down, you know that’s the opposite of what you really feel?” “…Well, denial is blissful. So they say.”
“You know you can talk to me, right?” “I’d really rather not, but I guess I don’t have a choice in the matter, do I?”
“Admit it, you think I look good.” “Nah. You look like a clown.” … “Did you see them? How dare they look so fucking good? This isn’t fair, God has favourites and they’re clearly one of them.” “Didn’t you literally tell them they look like a clown?”
“I’d rather you regard me with hate than pity, because pity coming from you makes me feel like a pathetic piece of shit and affects me more than it should.”
“You’re so clumsy and stupid. When will you learn how to stop tripping over your own two feet?” “Until you stop tending to my wounds like you do now.” “What?” “…It’s the only way I can think of to get you to give two shits about me.”
“You literally don’t have to do anything to catch my attention because my eyes have never really been on anyone else other than you.”
“They say to keep your friends close and your enemies even closer, but I think I might have kept you too close.”
“You keep ruining all of my fucking relationships. What the hell’s wrong with you?” “Maybe because I feel like you could do better than some asshole who doesn’t appreciate you?” “Oh, then drop a few names, I’ll gladly go on a date with them if it means you’d stop interfering like some meddlesome bitch.” “Well, there’s [name] for one.” “…Isn’t that your name?”
“You do that again and I’m going to throw you onto the bed and… And…” “And?” “…cover you with a blanket so you don’t catch a cold when you’re asleep.” “There are other ways to keep me warm, you know?” “…Don’t give me ideas.”
“So I had a nightmare.” “Ooh. Interesting. What was it about?” “It was a wet dream about you.” “…That’s… Pardon?”
“Why are you doing this to me?” “Doing what?” “Making me like you. Stop it, God damn it, I’m not supposed to— I’m supposed to not— this goes against every morals I’ve ever set for myself!”
“I think I kind of knew I was fucked the moment I admitted to myself I never really hated you.”
