SHOSHANNA

For real, how did I land the most amazing girlfriend in the world? Cause, like…there’s no way I deserve someone as incredible as you and yet here we are.

But really, it’s like totes the truth.  Those people really don’t matter.  They’re bullies.  That’s honestly all they’re ever going to be, while hello you’ll go on to be someone who’s extraordinary.

You’re way too cute.

That really only gives me more reason to worry. What if you’ve been talking me up so much that I don’t meet whatever expectations they’ve made? What if I’m not really as cute to them as I am to you? 

You’d be surprised just how many people think the whole…thing I have going on is just an act and don’t find it endearing at all.

Mmk, well assuming the statistically impossible scenario where my parents expectations for you haven’t been met, I’m still going to be your girlfriend.  I haven’t been so happy pretty much ever in my life, and if they can’t see that, well, that’s totes too bad.  I love you, Cookie, and my parents do too.

It was a joke, Shosh. Of course I don’t own a machete. I barely own proper utensils.

I knew that.  Totes.

But really, you’re worrying for nothing.  I’ve been telling Daddy about you for weeks now.  The whole Ben Israel family adores you already!

Right. I’ll be sure to leave my machete in the hotel room. Wouldn’t want anyone getting the wrong impression.

Cookie...you have a machete?

I can’t believe I’m going to be eating breakfast on a beach with a mob boss tomorrow…what even is my life.

@shoshbi

Oh em gee, isn’t it exciting??  Daddy’s totes going to love you, and you’re going to be like ‘I was worrying for nothing’.

While I am unsurprised to hear that Cookie is a favorite friend of yours--regardless of qualifier--the question begs to be asked, how many “queer” friends do you have, and like, which definition of queer are you invoking?

Unpopular Opinion: SHOSHLYN (@brookrose-evans @shoshbi)’s start is exactly how it’s going to end.

With a blind date?

Wake up, take a twirl and smell the roses. After all, you’ve got Brian Atwood’s Floral-Print Velvet Crystal Cluster Pumps to be excited about.