HELLO. this is my fanfiction sideblog. if you are visiting because you liked my stories thank you for reading and i love you.

my fic tag 🌻 link to my ao3 page

my ask box is open and i love being talked at! shit talk permitted. smile.

believe meee i have not forgotten them i have just been locked in on other things (artfight, irl stuff, my stupid bumfuck stupid fucking lam efucking dubmshitass fucking 9-5) but i PROMISE i will return with loserverse drabbles again once everything stops forever.

i think i havent really focused much on their early relationship which i think would be really interesting. i think oscar is constantly consulting his sisters and his friends about like what he should wear to dates, where he should take him, should he ask for a kiss or not, etc.

meanwhile lando is plagued by two devils on his shoulder named George and Alex who always catch the latest Date Info from oscar and grill him about it. like i've had this scene in my head of post-blackout-drunk lando setting an alarm for precisely 10 minutes before his third date with oscar so he has time to arrive performatively late. but george and alex spam call him thirty minutes before to wake him up just in case he oversleeps and he is so, so furious about it.

im not sure why lando is so pissy with oscar honestly. i said before that at this point in his life he hates himself a lot so maybe he was expecting oscar would be a godawful date and he could continue hating his stupid life, but becuase oscar is like, genuinely super normal and nice to him he can't indulge in the self pity and its a huge mental burden for him

like with oscar or in general?

i guess in either case no, probably not. lando seeks pain in that fic because he is bored, he isn't really interested in the emotional interface involved with getting in a fight or hurting someone else in turn. he doesnt want to be personally involved in his own mutilation, it's just a mental bandaid

and then there's the beat drop off into the narrative spoken poetry part, and the voice is so low and monotonous ig (idk if this is the right word) but it contains such emotional depth and the pauses before things it just screams oscar to meeeee. also "i've been hiding from the world and i need to re-enter" is like, flow state, to me? when you snap out of something you've been locked in on and suddenly everything is loud.

and then the third verse (are you feeling nervous?/are you having fun?/it's almost over/it's just begun/don't overthink this/look in my eye) is people talking to him about his career, people trying to give him advice, all the noise and input he cops from all different directions.

the bridge is like. sadistic, self-hating oscar. you say the ocean's rising like i give a shit/you say the whole world's ending, honey, it already did/you're not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. oscar who acts like he's being accepting of any minor failure of his own but is actually just pushing it down while letting the acid of it consume him from the inside. oscar who says things like "well, i'll die one day anyway" while actively hoping it's soon.

the final verse (get your fucking hands up/i said get your fucking hands up) and the breaths are like the feeling of his voice being swallowed by everyone. idk if that makes sense but people crowding him. alone in a crowd but not alone enough that you can be heard.

im so sorry this is such a rant i just had so many thoughts