But really, it’s like totes the truth.  Those people really don’t matter.  They’re bullies.  That’s honestly all they’re ever going to be, while hello you’ll go on to be someone who’s extraordinary.

And for the five millionth time, you deserve me.  We deserve each other, Cookie.

I don’t know that I would call them bullies - at least not the people who just prefer to not be around me - since they’re not necessarily...talking down to me because of our differences... But, you’re right, they really don’t matter. You matter. And your surprisingly not-scary-at-all family matters. 

Mmk, well assuming the statistically impossible scenario where my parents expectations for you haven’t been met, I’m still going to be your girlfriend.  I haven’t been so happy pretty much ever in my life, and if they can’t see that, well, that’s totes too bad.  I love you, Cookie, and my parents do too.

Those people don’t matter then, do they?

I knew that.  Totes.

But really, you’re worrying for nothing.  I’ve been telling Daddy about you for weeks now.  The whole Ben Israel family adores you already!

I mean, how could anyone not adore you?

You’re way too cute.

That really only gives me more reason to worry. What if you’ve been talking me up so much that I don’t meet whatever expectations they’ve made? What if I’m not really as cute to them as I am to you? 

Cookie…you have a machete?

It was a joke, Shosh. Of course I don’t own a machete. I barely own proper utensils.

Oh em gee, isn’t it exciting??  Daddy’s totes going to love you, and you’re going to be like ‘I was worrying for nothing’.

Wait, I’d meant to remind you before: don’t bring any weapons with you.  It totes wouldn’t leave a good impression if you fail the pat down from Daddy’s security team on the first meeting.

Right. I’ll be sure to leave my machete in the hotel room. Wouldn’t want anyone getting the wrong impression.