love the phrase "but I digress." yes I temporarily got lost in the moors I wander in my mind but don't worry I'm self-aware about it
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@shivstabbington
love the phrase "but I digress." yes I temporarily got lost in the moors I wander in my mind but don't worry I'm self-aware about it

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This is not an exaggeration. Your download speed would slow down to the point where Windows would make this kind of absurd estimate, and you’d sigh and leave the room for a while (because you couldn’t use the computer while it was doing this for fear it would crash and lose all your progress) and then you’d come back in 40 minutes and maybe it would now say 52 years or maybe it would say 3 minutes, who knew, not Windows.
what the hell is going on
i believe in you Binface. you can do it. this could be your moment.
Please god it would be so funny
there is no downside to voting for Count Binface. its not taking away from other candidates bcos they aren't any and the more votes he gets the stupider Farage looks.
for people out of the loop:
Nigel Farage is the leader of Reform UK, a far right party who are currently in the process of a serious bid to become the UK government. they are just straight up evil.
Count Binface is an intergalactic space warrior with a bin on his head. he likes to run as a novelty candidate in general and mayoral elections. a big thing he likes to do is run as a candidate against the incumbent prime minister:
(Also pictured: Boris Johnson, Elmo)
Anyway, in brief:
Nigel Farage is currently in the midst of a big scandal about his finances
He has decided to deal with this by 1) making a show of nobly resigning from parliament and then 2) immediately running in the resulting by-election
He has stated that he is letting 'the people' judge his actions and implied that if he wins that will prove that he has been exonerated in the court of public opinion
His goal was presumably to get a big resounding win over the other parties, proving that The People still love him.
the other parties have thus far decided that this is a 'vanity election' and, well, there is one very easy way to ensure that he will not beat any of them, and that is simply not to play.
and as a result the only person who has so far confirmed they are running against him is Count Binface. no matter the outcome this makes Nigel Farage look like, u know, a fucking clown.
its important to note the "clever" politics behind all of the decisions around this; NF cannot be investigated if he isn't an MP (stupid ruling, yes, but hang on) so his plan was to cause a stir by trying to get someone to take his seat; other politicians see through the plan and don't participate which would fuck NF massively as it means he never stopped being an MP and therefore can still be investigated and imprisoned. Binface shows up because of course he does this is an excellent time to embarrass a tosser. NF is now in a lose-lose.
If NF wins, he won against a joke candidate and thus it only makes him look an idiot (homer beating 8 year olds style) with no legitimacy, AND he will still go through the investigation that most of the HoP wants to put him through.
If Binface wins, NF lost to a joke candidate, and good heavens that's gonna screw him over permanently innit.
if count binface wins it will be the funniest thing thats ever happened in Clacton. i have mates in clacton and i'm buying a pint for everyone who votes binface.
here at megacorporation, one of our core values is number go up. our other core value is rate at which number go up go up. these two core values guide us in our mission to exploit you as effectively as possible

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You’re years too late to be recognizing the threat of US government mass surveillance, bud.
[Gooseworx voice] Jax is a cautionary tale on transfems who don't have healthy circles to safety come out in, and no matter what happens everyone who watches this deserves to be in an environment where you can be yourself and be loved for it. also when she holds her breath she inflates big and round
there should be like secret extra editions of dnd that wotc denounces as false like christian apocrypha
[IMAGE: The logo for the Pathfinder TTRPG]
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It's honestly really rude of you to keep dodging my grab attack like that. I spent like a week choreographing an elaborate dance routine around a briefly immobile body that highlights the sensuality of my fingers touching your body. Kind of implying that the presence of my hands represents an intimate power over you. The maids all loved it, one of them even kept asking to fill in. And now you're not even gonna get to see it because you're so insistent on victory. 'I have to defeat you for the hopes of everyone' this 'I'll stop you!' that. You're so whiny, ugh, I don't know why I even bother. Mystic eyes attack of instantly kills you, I'll find another hero who actually cares.

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Oh. Ohhh you fell in that one. Ok ok so originally this was supposed to be a standard gender swap trap. You know, classic gag bit, throw off the party, leave everyone with uncomfortable feelings in their stomachs. But, then I started doing research and it turns out that the standard "gender swap" spell doesn't really swap genders but gender presentations at a pretty weird bio essentialist level? (Though I admit to still being a fan of it for personal reasons.) Further all the textbook designs seemed to have some really rigid social visions for how genders should present. So instead I just had it freeze you in time in a pocket dimension for a subjective week, while a collection of spirits designed bespoke outfits for you based on your old outfits swapped across the gender divide, then fit them onto you as well as they could, complete with transferring over enchantments from old gear, plus a bit of hormone modification magic plus regeneration magic. Honestly, I got really, really into the design of the circle. It was like two months of my life and my servants had to pull me out of working on it several times. Looking back on it, I think it kinda got away from me. Anyway, so, no, the funny feeling in your stomach isn't my fault. I mean not directly. Don't worry we can have a long conversation about it after you fail to defeat me.
Binding your swornsister's soul to your blade, that she may stay with you even after her death to revel in your joint battles, is all fine and good until it's been a decade since your last good fight—longer still since any real battle—and she's still in there, and you can hear her crying every night, longing for the grip of your palm and the guts of your enemies. And of course she won't let you be, even in your dreams, appearing there too. Whole and young as the day she died, while you've gotten older and timeworn. Gripping her pretty head by the hair and driving her skull through the chest of some faceless foe, the air is sparkling like diamonds. The blood's all over her and she's smiling at you, fucking blissed-out and naked, because of course she's naked, she's only doing this to fuck with you.
i still cant believe "you can be a milf in your 30s" is such a controversial and polarizing statement but also like i get it, cus the idea of people in their 30s being Old is a very off-putting and unrealistic idea, the thing is. people dont become moms when theyre old. people become moms young. sometimes very young. people conflate milf status with age, and age gaps, and like, age gap CAN be a part of it, but you can be with a girl whos younger than you and she can still be a milf. milf is about the abstract signifiers of motherhood, warmth, kindness, softness, and a dominant presence that asserts itself but doesnt force itself, these are things that make someone a milf. its not so much age. its more abstract than that. also, being fat. you have to be fat. gain weight. you have to be a fat milf. oooooo become a fat milf oooooooooo. see thats called 'hypnotic suggestion', and its a very powerful tool, that ive just used against you, to make you want to be a fat milf,
magics gathering is a sickness that takes root in the heart of trans that makes her flood her blog/bsky/twitter with incomprehensible jokes about $50 cards when i am just trying to find the porn she writes, so that i may mock and or jack off to it
in my high school a few years ahead of me there was a polyamorous girl named luna who was dating a guy and a girl and the girl was named (i swear to god this is her birth name) marea. they were named moon and tide and they were lesbian lovers. i thought it was the most romantic fated thing ever as a tiny baby queer it would make me sigh in adoration. the boyfriend's name was frank
serious response: so the moon, the tide, and sincerity all loved each other you say?
joke response: that one clip from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

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the year is 2026. you love vriska
@ralfmaximus Showers that will kill you
Holy shit I thought this was a Sims bit or someone playing with CAD software, but the last few seconds knocked me out
@thebibliosphere I'm pretty sure you are the appropriate recipient for other people's terrifying home renovation choices