Night

Blooming

“hey baby? please don’t be mad at me..” shiu mutters as he looks at the scissors in his hands and then to the absurdly short bangs on your forehead. you had asked him to do your hair, except, he’s never done this before.

“appa, what’s wrong?” you gaze up at him curiously and a bead of sweat almost makes its way down his visage.

“nothing, nothing.. sweetheart, why don’t you grab me a few clips and some elastics?” you reach into the flimsy pink bin and place a few hair accessories into his rough palms. shiu combs your soft locks out and ties them into two thick pigtails. he snaps a pair of pink polka dot barrettes next to your now micro-bangs..

“can i see? can I see?” you bounce up and down gleefully, excited to see the work your father has done. shiu hesitantly hands you the mini flip mirror—except, you smile as bright as ever! “appa, I look so pretty! thank you!” discarding the mirror to the side, you wrap your small arms around his large torso. he pets the top of your hair and places a few chaste kisses. “can i do your hair now?”

shiu quickly shakes his head and chuckles, patting the crown of your head. “i think i’m okay baby, why don’t we do something else?” you nod swiftly and smile. “what about a walk? the weather is nice today..”

“yay! appa, what about clothes? i need a new outfit to go with my hair!” you pull him over to your white wardrobe, waiting ecstatically for him to come up with something. shiu carefully pulls a knit sweater and a pleated skirt out of the draws, handing them to you. after getting ready, you rush over to the front door, waiting to go outside! shiu follows afterwards and twists the knob—letting a fresh breeze into the house. “i wanna do chalk first!” you smile and kneel down onto the pavement in front of the house.

shiu takes the opportunity to sneak a smoke while he’s still on the porch before tapping it out and tossing the bud into the ash tray. he walks over to you and lightly squats down, looking over your shoulder to see your drawing. it was a cute picture of you and him! he ruffles your hair and smiles, “great job, baby. looks just like me.” the portrait of him is a messy stick figure with a few lines for hair and a few scribbles as his mustache—but if you’re proud of it, so is he.

you giggle and stand up, pulling him with you as you skip across the sidewalk down your neighborhood with a tight grip on his hand. eventually, he ends up carrying you back home just in time for a nap. shiu takes off your sneakers and places them beside the door. he carries your soft frame into your bedroom, tucking you in with a gentle peck on your forehead. just as he turns to leave, he’s interrupted by a squeal—“appa, noooo!” shiu swiftly looks back and chuckles inquisitively.

“what’s wrong? you need rest, baby.” he says, but that’s not the issue..

“appa, i wanna nap with you!” you plead and look at him with big glossy eyes and a sweet pout. shiu could never deny his daughter anything with a face as sweet as that, and so, he climbs underneath the pink comforter and cuddles up with you. he rubs your head and swipes the loose strands of hair out of your face until you fall asleep. eventually, he does as well.. however, not without squeezing in another smoke break secretly—trying not to wake you up. nonetheless, he’s back in the room within a few minutes and cradling you!

chili wrote me this poem when we were 18, when she came to my house in china one summer.

i feel everything back then. i feel too much. too unnecessary.

these days i feel nothing. i go out with boys. they make me playlist and tell me they like me.

i said but you don’t know me. you can’t like me when you don’t even know me. what you like is not me, what you like is making playlist. what you like is showing off your taste.

pack it up boys we've made a social blunder

let's run that again

one more time normal style

I'm going to become a statistic

further proof god is out to get me

it's because I tore my acl senior year

I couldn't do it for religious reasons

my ex took my talent in the divorce