me, oh, my!

i keep thinking about, like, one of those psych ward roleplays, but reversed. where the dom(me) is the patient, and the submissive is the nurse or whatever, and the patient has ‘freed themselves’ and is doing the whole make you strip, strap you down shit as revenge, or whatever.

and like--- i was forcibly institutionalized when i was a child, and it’s coming up on the “anniversary,” so to speak. it’s not something i’m going into, but it was a deeply traumatic time for me, and i harbor a lot of resentment towards the experience even seven years later. so the scene would be almost--- i don’t know. a way for me to take control of the situation back.

it’s something i’ve talked to my therapist about, before, kink as a coping method. it’s something i’ve taken part in before. most of the reason i’m a dominant, really, is because i am an abuse survivor, and because controlled situations where i’m the one in charge help me reassert myself, help me feel--- not helpless.

and--- i had a partner who was raped, and though i’m not interested at all in con non con, i played the dominant for her in a roleplay. it was a way for her to feel safe, to reassert herself---in a situation where she knew she could safeword, where she knew she could trust me---and learn to enjoy sexual situations again. (don’t misunderstand, she didn’t coerce me, or anything. it didn’t do anything for me, but i was perfectly willing to help her in an almost therapeutic regard.)