Watercoloured Eyes

i stop saying my no’s

waiting in silence, eyes staring at the ceiling

he comes and he goes

cry in the bathroom alone

this is the life you chose

clean up, put a smile on

an original poem

Mama do you still love me?

with eyeliner on and lipstick smeared

Mama do you still love me?

wearing my heels, crying black tears

Mama do you still love me?

sleeping around with a dozen men

Mama do you still love me?

im not who I was way back when

Mama do you still love me?

he smacks my ass when i twirl

Mama do you still love me?

i wish i was still your little girl

please let me out, let me see the real world, let me smell the grass and hear the trees

i truely dont exist in the real world

even my relationships are littered with my own imagination taking over

He loves me

He loves me not

Looking up at you with wide eyes

You don’t have to do anything

You promised to change

Promised to never hurt me

But here you are again,

Just to hold you, to be your loyal disciple and follow where you go

im sorry mummy

im sorry mama

can i please come out?

please dont be mad

im sorry

i wont do it again

More than the stars in the sky.

More than the blood in your very own veins.

And so, selfishly, whenever I felt you were pulling away from me,

whenever we argued so bad or slammed those doors,

or said those things and I grew scared of losing you or was mad at myself for losing me,

I wanted to make everything better right away.’

please pick up the fucking phone

im checking the windows, banging on the door

i wont see you again

i wont touch you again