Confessions Of A Sherni

Time passes in waves. You don’t remember the days. You don’t try to remember this day in particular but like a clock you always get hit with melancholy days before. You try not to let him see it affect you but you don't complain when he pulls you in closer. Nor do you question if it’s for your benefit or his. Jason goes harder during patrol. Taking his anger out. Patrolling crime alley and stalking for prey.

It’s the night before and you finished your patrol. You don’t need to call Jason to know where he is and head there. You end up in a trance. Reflecting on everything that’s happened since that ill fated day 7 years ago.

When you see him sitting in front of his grave, your heart splits a little more. When he died, there was a void in you. An emptiness that always reminded you that your best friend was gone. When he came back, albeit broken and scared, it filled again. But it wasn’t the same. Life had broken and shaped you both. When you see this side of Jason, the broken and scarred one, you’re reminded of that void. You don’t say anything in greeting and just sit next to him in silence. He needs this you think when you eye the bottle of whiskey in his hand. Hell you do too. You used to come here every week to talk to him and you didn’t realize how much life had changed. It must have been close to an hour of silence before you lay a hand on his and ask him to go home.

He instead asks you to stay. Stay with me, I don't know how to be alone right now. So you do, passing the whiskey between you two. The sun starts to peak over the horizon when the bottle finishes and he stands up, grabbing your hand and walking home with you.

After you two shower and change, you pull him into your arms for a short nap. But you lie awake for a few hours. His breathing is evened out and he’s calm. You pray that tonight doesn’t greet him with the same nightmares he’s had the past few days. Your hands are tracing his scars. One is on his back and the other is in his hair feeling the scars left behind by the crowbar. You feel the void in your heart grow bigger, the lump in your throat feels suffocating but you won’t cry. You’ve cried enough over the past few days. You don’t know when but you eventually drift off to sleep.

You wake two hours later, disoriented because Jason isn’t with you. You get out of bed and get ready. When you walk into the living room you didn’t know what you were expecting, but it certainly wasn’t the other outlaws and Jason’s brothers.

What’s all this? you ask. Jason turns to you with a smile but it certainly doesn’t meet his eyes

It’s my deathday babe. He’s a smart little shit but you know his ploy. Looking at his brothers you see it’s working. He’s deflecting so that others don’t pity him but he’s also keeping his loved ones close to ground himself. You don't question him any, and go along with it. You understand, so you laugh at his jokes with him, tease him along with his family about how much he jokes about his death.

But when they leave at the end of the night, you're the one who initiates, you pull him back to bed, you fold him into you, tuck his face into your neck, cradle him close, maybe it's just wishful thinking that you'd be able to truly fully protect him given the nature of everything he does and will continue to do, but for tonight, you’re gonna trace his scars and whisper love into them. You’re going to remind him that they show how strong he was. How despite what this fucked up universe put him through, he came back and he came back to you.

He's gonna fall asleep in your arms, and when he wakes in the morning, he’ll feel better than he has in a long while because he has you to support him and love him like you are and he knows he’ll heal. And when he kisses you in the morning with your favorite breakfast from when you were kids- you’ll feel that void close back up.

It was an ambush, a trap. They should’ve seen it coming. He should’ve seen it coming. They were cut off from reaching the Razor Crest and had to fight their way out. The child was safe with Cara but Moff Gideon had found them. And they had to fight for their lives.

Everything happened so quickly yet time seemed to slow down all at once. Din was surrounded and couldn’t see Gideon approaching from behind. But she did. And she jumped in front of his blade.

Din watched as Moff Gideon pulled the darksaber out, watched as she fell to the ground. Everything else faded away, all he could focus on was her stunned, pained expression, hands moving to hold her stomach, all he heard was her helpless cry. And then, everything snapped back into focus, he let out an agonized scream and moved towards the man to retaliate but he had already retreated. Din knelt at her side, hands hovering over the hole in her stomach.

“No, no, no,” he chanted, staring down at her with frantic eyes, “Why would you do that? That hit was for me!”

“The beskar wasn’t covering you there. I couldn’t let you get hurt, you can’t” she wheezed, her jaw clenching as pain coursed through her, “You can’t always be the protector, you would’ve done the same if” She couldn’t finish her words

“Hey, shh, don’t speak,” tears gathered in his eyes, blurring his vision, “I’m going to try to stop your bleeding okay? You’re losing a lot of blood.”

But he knows, he’s seen death enough times to know, she wasn’t going to make it. He tried, but the cold embrace of death already had her.

“Din, stop,” she choked on her blood, “you know,” it was getting harder for her to breathe “I love you Din, I’m sorry. Make sure our child is safe.”

“I love you,” he promised her, smoothing the hair from her forehead,” until the end of time, my love.”

Her lips quipped faintly, but it was the most she could give him right now. Slowly, he removed his hand from her wound and pulled her into his arms, holding her to his chest. Her breaths were sharp and quick, and the sound rattled in her throat.

He knew it was the end now, and slowly rocked her back and forth, face pressed in his neck, breaths shallow and tapering off until there was no more. Her grip on his shirt fell and her hands fell limp.

“Come back,” he whispered in her ear, trying to fight the lump in his throat, the hole in his heart, ”Please, please come back,I’m sorry, it’s over now, please wake up, don’t do this to me, you can’t, “ he begged, like if he said it enough times she would, but it was too late, he cut himself off with a loud sob and held her tighter, “Please come back to me.”

And it was in that moment that Din realized what it was like to die while his heart was still beating.

This year would be the first holiday season after she lost her whole world, after she lost Noctis. Everyone told her it’d get easier with time, no one said they meant it’d get easier to live with the hole left behind. When she first lost him, she felt her life leave her body, she felt her blood run cold and her knees crashing from under her but at the same time she couldn’t feel anything else. She didn’t want to feel anything else. And that’s what she did, she just kept walking tall, keeping herself busy because if she stopped for long enough and realized that he was dead she didn’t know how long it would take her to put herself back together again.

She made sure however, to never let her friends see her breaking so as she looked back at herself in the mirror, her long black gown falling perfectly she admired her ability to keep her head held high and her eyes strong, to not allow herself to fall. Ignis asked her to accompany her to a holiday party and she couldn't say no to him. Turning around she surveyed the room, his stuff was where he left it, untouched with the exception of his clothing that she held close to he at night, trying to ignore the fact that it couldn’t make up for him. She quickly rushed out of the house and to the venue, ready to keep her guard up and put that fake smile on for everyone around her.

This was a mistake, flashbacks were coming and going. Of Noctis, of better times. From when they were just friends and she was helping Noctis sneak out of these events, from when they were celebrating their first holiday as a couple and their friends would conveniently help them avoid guests to have some time alone. Ignis did his best to keep her comfortable and even left the party early to drop her home when he noticed it was becoming to much.

So she doesn’t think twice when there’s a knock on her door, the boys and Iris would always stop by when they felt her slipping away. But she certainly wasn’t expecting this.

She just stands frozen when she opens the door. Noctis is standing on her front steps, a bit disarranged and beyond drained but he’s alive and staring straight at her.

“I thought you were dead.” She blurts, a little shell shocked. The missing king laughs and she nearly starts to sob right there. She mourned him, thought she lost the love of her life but he’s alive and she didn’t realize just how much she missed him.

“Can’t keep me away that easily babe.” He’s shoving his hands into his coat pocket, a smug smile beginning to form.

“You can’t just disappear off the face of this planet and reappear for the holidays and think everything will be ok.” She felt tears run down her face as her voice cracked and his heart broke for her.

“I know I’m sorry but I promise I will explain everything to you. Just let us be happy for the holidays. Please.” Noctis was pleading to her. She knew she should get some answers first, that she should step back and analyze this situation but all that matters right now is that he’s alive and he’s home.

She regained her footing and practically tackled him, his hands flying out of his coat to catch her before they both end up on the floor. He’s kissing her before they both can realize it and it’s everything she had missed and craved for and more.

“Fuck, I missed you so much.” He pulled away pressing kisses all over her face.

“Let’s go inside Noct.” And he’s nodding and pulling her into their home before she finished her sentence.

But this year was different. This was the first year in his life that he had someone to celebrate it with and she was damned to make sure this was the best holiday season he ever has. She planned the holiday season to the max, from tree decorating, to ice skating and impromptu snowball fights (which Nyx enjoyed the most), to Christmas movies and gingerbread houses. And all the rushing around was worth it to see Nyx’s eyes light up with happiness.

It was two days before Christmas, and the couple decided to go absolutely nowhere and just stay in. A fresh blanket of snow covered the ground outside and she hummed along to the Christmas music she had playing in the background. She always spent the 23rd by baking all day, gifting her handmade treats was one of her favorite things to do during Christmas.

Nyx woke up as she was mixing her third set of Christmas cookies. He had to take a minute in the doorway to just appreciate the sight of his beloved. Her hair was pulled up in a bun, she had flour on her cheek and she looked completely content humming Christmas music and baking. The sight alone reminded Nyx why he falls in love with her more and more everyday.

She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she jumped when she felt Nyx’s hands around her waist. He chuckled and kissed her cheek, “Morning babe”

“You scared the shit out of me Nyx,” she laughed “What the hell am i going to do with you?”

“Babe I love you but why does it look like Betty Crocker stopped by our kitchen?” Nyx finally took in the sights of all the various cookies and cupcakes on the countertops and island.

“Well I have a tradition that I always bake and drop treats off for everyone I know, I just have two types of cookies left and then I’m done and can move onto decorating.” She pulled out yet another set of gingerbread from the oven and then placed another tray in.

While her back was turned, Nyx tried to taste the gingerbread but jumped back as she slapped his hand. “Not yet Nyx at least let them cool first.”

The hero pouted, “Come on they smell so good.”

“No Nyx go have a brownie or cupcake or something if you really want you can help me decorate cookies later but you’ll probably eat everything before I can give it away. ”

Nyx placed his hands over his heart, “Ouch babe that hurts right here.” he broke out into a grin at her laugh.

“Sorry hero but I have a lot of goodies to bake,” she was cut off by a knock on her door, “and a door to answer be right back. Don’t do anything stupid” while she went to go answer it and Nyx decided there was no harm in trying the cookie dough but he was quite literally caught with his finger in the bowl.

“Nyx I swear to Six, stop trying to eat my cookie dough before I smack you with a spoon!”

“If it’s any consolation, the dough tastes amazing,” he couldn’t wipe the smirk off his face as he made a show of licking the dough off his finger. He backed her against the counter and leaned in, his lips almost touching hers only to laugh and grab a gingerbread from behind her. His eyes sparked playfully as took a bite. “If you need me I’ll be on the couch.”

She walked out of her last class, regretting staying up so late the night before and ready to take a nap. At least she was going to have lunch with her roommate, Cat and was thankful she had gotten to the cafe before the lunch rush and was able to save a table.

Cat threw her bag down and plopped in the seat next to her, "You never told me you modeled?"

Hear head snapped up and she peered at Cat "Are you still drunk from last night? I do not like to be in front of a camera."  She took note of the newspaper in her hand and teased her "Since when do you read?"

"I do when my best friend is on the cover" Cat beamed

“Excuse me?”

Cat shoved the paper in her face "Well your picture is on the front page of the newspaper."

She snatched the paper and gasped when she saw the picture. She remembered the day clearly, she had just gotten her midterms back and had found out she aced all of them. She took a shortcut home to tell her roommate when it had started  to snow. As much as she hates being cold, she couldn't help but take in the beautiful sight. She found it odd that she didn't notice anyone but that may have been from the happiness high.

"What the hell is this? Who the hell takes pictures of random people in the forest?"

"Well as long as it isn't a stalker. You look amazing in it girl.Says here the guy's name is Prompto Argen-something. Do we know him?"

"I don't think so but you do realize someone just took a picture of me and allowed it to be published for the whole school to see? And it's on the front page!" She took a deep breathe "You know what it's ok, not like many people read the newspaper anymore."

Cat was smug as she looked at her best friend "Weellllll, it's also on the emailed newsletter and on all of the social media accounts."

She thought she was about to have a meltdown. There is no way she can avoid the attention. The thought alone made her breathing start to pick up.

Her friend noticed the potential anxiety attack her friend was about to have and quickly tried to diffuse the situation. "Hey you know what, let's just go to the media building and straighten things out. We can also find this Prompto guy and tell him off for this."

She quickly clammed up, "No we don't have to tell anyone off, we'll just nicely ask him why he did it and ask him to take it down"

"Fine we'll start your way but if he says anything to you I will release hell on him." Cat threatened and her friend knew better than to get in the way of Cat’s march of hell.

After lunch the pair headed towards the journalism department and after a lot of convincing were told that the only way to have the picture taken down is by the explicit notice from the photographer. Which then led the pair on another goose chase to find this possibly creepy mystery photographer.

Cat had to head to her next class after helping her best friend locate him but she promised she'd be home later and would make dinner. She took a deep breath before walking to the back of the library. There was a beautiful pond and garden that she always found calming. She found her mysterious photographer snapping photos of the snow coated wonderland.

Ok it's now or never

She straightened her posture and stalked over to him. "Excuse me are you Prompto?"

When he turned around she almost choked. No one said he'd be cute

Prompto himself was taken aback by seeing her. "oh shit you're her."

She laughed nervously, "Yea it's me." Before she could even start her thought out argument, he started to ramble.

"I am so so sorry for submitting that picture of you without your permission I was just walking home and saw you and you looked so perfect that I had to take a picture and then I tried to find you but couldn't and my friends told me to just go for it and I submitted even though I probably shouldn't have and I am so so sorry."

Her eyes widened and she tried to calm the hyper blond down. "Hey woah it's alright, I'm just not a fan of attention and wasn't expecting this."

"Do you want me to take it down? I can retract my submission and give up the scholarship. I just thought you were really cute then I mean I still think you're cute but I didn't mean to "

"No, No it's fine, wait did you just call me cute?" She questioned

Prompto got even more red and flustered and she appreciated being around someone so innocent. “No, I mean yes, but I..”

Sensing another ramble she cut him off, “Would you want to grab lunch one day Prompto?”

Her grin matched his when he said, “I’d really like that.”

Not knowing if any mission he went on would be his last, Raihana hardly got any sleep while Nyx was away. They had been together for years and the anxious feeling in her core never went away. Nyx had currently been away for a little over two weeks and Raihana was starting to worry, but Nyx could handle himself, she knew that.

      Even Nyx felt horrible leaving her by herself so often and when they stumbled upon an open dog adoption in the park on their walk home and a little golden lab managed to escape his makeshift pen and charge at Raihana and Nyx, he took it as a sign and decided that they both needed a little companion in their life. They both knew he was the one and named him Thor, for how he ran like lightning when he was excited.

       And Raihana loved having Thor around, it made the house feel less empty when Nyx was away and his hyperness always pulled a smile on her face and seeing him and Nyx interact together was the cutest thing she had ever seen.

After a tiring day of being forced out of the house by her friends on her day off, Raihana was fast asleep when Nyx came home. He had just gotten back and after checking in, had rushed straight home, hoping he could see his beautiful love and Thor for the first time in weeks even though it was almost 4 a.m. Since Raihana was dead asleep, she wasn’t able to hear a key be inserted into the front door. But little Thor was able too, and he got off his bed and started pawing at the door trying wake his owner up.

Raihana was raised out of her slumber to the sound of her pup pawing at the door. Thinking he had to go out, she got out of bed, throwing a sweatshirt on and opened the bedroom door. What she hadn’t expected was seeing Thor pouncing on Nyx the second he got the door open. All her tiredness faded as she watched their reunion, little Thor excitedly jumping around Nyx, too hyper for him to be able to be petted properly.

Raihana smiled and leaned against the doorway, thankful that Nyx was home safe. Thor finally sat still enough for Nyx to crouch next to him and pet him. Nyx looked up and locked eyes with Raihana and she gave a soft smile.

“Hey handsome. Welcome home.” Her voice was still laden with sleep but her eyes shined with love and it managed to take Nyx’s breath away for a minute.

He slowly got up and walked towards her cupping her face gently in his hands and pulling her in for a sweet kiss, knowing he was home the second her lips touched his. He rested his forehead against hers, slate eyes locking with brown and in a bit of a delayed response replied, “Hey beautiful.” a smile tugging at his lips.

“You know,” she had a teasing tone to her voice,”when you said dinner at my place I thought you were going to order takeout or something,” sitting at the kitchen island, she raised an eyebrow in Nyx’s direction who flashed her a smile.

“What? Thought I didn’t know how to cook?” He asked and she shook her head.

“Nah I just figured the hero wouldn’t care much about cooking and all that,” she smirked

“Oh yea, definitely. No cooking or cleaning for the big hero. All I care about is protecting and taking care of enemies,” he playfully rolled his eyes

“Well duh, that and getting in trouble and always ending up on wall duty,” Nyx threw his head back and laughed.

“Oh yea when I’m not dealing with threats to insomnia, I’m raising the captains blood pressure. He joked, he leaned forwards on the counter, mirroring her position. “And for your information,” his hand pinched her nose, “I am an excellent cook.”

She was about to retort only to be interrupted by the ding of the timer.

“See that’s the sound of my skills.” He put on gloves and popped the oven open. she tried to see what Nyx had made but from her position, Nyx’s frame blocked her view. He walked to the table and she followed eager to see if his cooking lived up to his words.

Nyx Ulric really was a man of many surprises, he had set the table for dinner with candles and plate setting. He must have caught her staring because he set the dish down. “Contrary to popular belief, fighting and drinking are not my only specialties.”

“I didn’t say anything,” she held her hands up “I was just admiring the table.”

“Maybe not but you were thinking it.” She shot him an annoyed glare in return.

“Don’t get to cocky now. If the food is horrible I’m leaving.”

“Remind me to get my head checked out the next time I invite you over”

“I’ll remind you to get that stick out of your ass while you’re at it. “ she cocked her head and gave him a smug smile.

Nyx pulled a chair out for her and platted her food. She lost her teasing nature and looked at Nyx sincerely, “Nyx?” He hummed in reply “Thank you for this. I love it.” His eyes locked with hers and he kissed her cheek.

“You’re right on time. Foods ready but let me get you a towel first. Don’t need you dripping all over my couch.” He let out a chuckle at his state and took off his boots and coat. After quickly drying off, he made his way to the kitchen and was greeted with her plating his favorite.

“Why did you cook? You didn’t have to do that.” He asked, knowing she also had a difficult week and was more than likely exhausted

“I didn’t have to but I wanted to. We both had a rough week, thought we needed some proper comfort food.” She jokingly pulled his plate back, “If you don’t want it that’s cool, more for me.”

She handed him his plate regardless and he followed her to the couch with a six pack in hand. His favorite movie was already set and the fireplace quickly warmed him up.

How long had it been since he had this? Especially the way she made it, no other place could compare. She watched him with a smile, as she awaited judgement. He dove in and the moan he let out was salacious. “No need to boost my ego that much Nyx.” She laughed, her eyes bright.

“I’m really not. This is amazing.” His words were truthful, the tension that washed away from him was all the evidence she needed. “Thank you.”

Her smile faltered a bit, “Anytime Nyx.” She tried to suppress the feeling in her stomach and started eating, conversation between them never ceasing. She quickly cleared the plates and brought out a plate of brownies. (Nyx wasn’t the only one who needed comfort food.)

She tried to ignore the way he was staring at her, but it was hard to focus on the thriller playing on the TV as she laughed at his story. She was used to being in love with him, used to the feeling that bubbles in her chest everytime he smiled at her, everytime he joked with her. But she was not quite sure what to feel with him staring at her.

He wasn’t sure what changed. Normally he was great at hiding his love for his best friend but something felt off in the air between them, and it made nerves flutter in his stomach.

A scream came from the TV, but she wasn’t sure why. She swallowed the lump in her throat as Nyx sighed and his arm over the back of the couch teased her arm and she glanced up at him. She couldn’t help it and leaned into him, feeling at peace when he kissed the top of her head.

“I don’t know about you,” he broke the silence softly and she looked up at him, “but I’m tired of pretending there’s nothing between us. I’m tired of pretending I’m not in love with you.If you don’t then we can pretend nothing ever happened but I had to get that off my chest.”

 You smiled and waved him away, wondering what he was about to tell you before Iris called. You pulled your coat around you tighter, trying not to overthink things, you know he’ll tell you as soon as he’s done. You admired the relationship he had with Iris, always making sure she’s taken care of and supporting her in everything.

 Gladio looked a bit irritated when he was walking back to you, but it faded as you gave him a questioning look, “Iris forgot she needed a book for a report due tomorrow. She asked me to get it for her. Is it ok if we go the the library? She says she put it on hold so we’ll be in and out.”

 You smiled softly, “Of course we can go. You know I don’t mind anything as long as I’m with you. Just don’t let me start looking at books, otherwise we’ll never make our reservations.” Gladio laughed and grabbed your hand. You loved the library for many reasons, but mainly because it was where you and Gladio met. 

You had just moved to the city and were visiting the beautiful library for the first time You were so awestruck with the gothic architecture you weren't watching where you were going and bumped into a wall and fell back. The supposed wall was Gladio who had his nose buried in one of your favorite books. He helped you up and apologized profusely but you let him know you were both at equal fault. Small talk proceeded into a personal tour of the library and then an in depth discussion about books you guys loved and despised. Man could you rant about Things Fall Apart. As you were leaving Gladio asked you out to coffee, “You know to talk about books some more” You happily agreed and that was the start of your three year relationship.

  You were pulled back to the present by Gladio squeezing your hand lightly and asking if everything was ok.

 “Just thinking about the first day we met.” You smiled.

 Gladio chuckled, “What do you always says about meeting me?”

 You rolled your eyes, “Why ask questions you already know the answer to? I said that since you were reading a book I love, the book was recommending you.” You two finally reached the library and its beauty still managed to take your breath away. 

 Heading in, Gladio went to the circulation desk to ask for the book Iris needed while you looked at some of the displays. You raised your eyebrows at the book he was carrying. It looked like it was self bound and had no title. 

 “Is that it? What’s the book on?” You guys had walked out and were at the entrance. Gladio shrugged and handed the book to you, “I don’t know, just doing what I am asked. You can take a look if you want.” You were about to walk down the steps but Gladiolus’ hand stopped you. You gave him a questioning look but shrugged and flipped through the book.

 You gasped at what you saw. The book looked homemade because it was. You had to take a minute to go through the whole thing, starting from the first page, which had a detailed drawing of you two. Each page was about you two. Starting with how you met, your fist date, a lot of your firsts actually, happy memories and reason he’s fallen in love with you, the last page had a drawing of him on one knee holding a ring. Tears welled in your eyes and when you looked up, you saw Gladio in the same position, saying your name softly.

 “From the day you walked into my life, well actually crashed, you’re all I think about. You are the stars in my sky, the reason I fight. Everyday I fall more and more in love with you. Will you give me the honor of being your husband?”

“Yes.” You nodded your head, “Yes. Of course.” You were beaming at him through tears, and that quickly turned into a laugh when Gladio slipped the ring on and picked you up and spun you around. He set you down and dipped you, giving you a loving kiss as you heard cheers in the background. Parting from him you turned and saw your friends and family at the bottom of the steps.

 Your heart was overflowing with love and Gladio wrapped his arms around you. “Shall we future Mrs. Amicitia?”