Amatonormativity is not tumblr based- it was not created on tumblr nor was it popularised on tumblr. Amatonormativity was not even coined by asexual people or with asexual people in mind exclusively.Â
Amantonormativity was coined by feminist academic Elizabeth Brake in her book âMinimising Marriageâ to refer to:
the assumptions that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types. (Source)
Amatornormativity doesnât just affect asexual and aromantic people. Whilst itâs often asexual and aromantic people you see talking about amatonormativity (because we become hyper aware of it due to how it affects us), it actually impacts the lives of people of all orientations, including LGBT+ people.
Amatonormativity in practice isâŠ
The assumption that all single people are unhappy with their status and looking not to be single.
âComing of ageâ milestones often revolving around romantic accomplishments (first kiss, first crush, first love, marriage, etc).
Non romantic partnerships (sexual or platonic) being looked down upon.
A sort of relationship hierarchy where marriage is at the top and everything else falls somewhere below it.
The expectation for romantic partners to be more important than jobs, hobbies or other commitments in a personâs life. And the belief that people who choose to pursue the former are selfish.
People who are not seeking exclusive romantic relationships being seen as less mature, stable, trustworthy or settled.
The structuring of laws and society on the basis that eventually everyone will be in a committed romantic partnership (marriage).
The toxic idea of a âfriendzoneâ (which of course, overlaps with misogyny), where friendship with a woman is seen as âsecond prizeâ to a relationship with her.
People settling for someone theyâre not really happy with or compatible with just to fulfil the desire or expectation to have a partner.
Non-aromantic asexual people trying to normalise their orientation by saying they can still âfall in loveâ or âhave relationshipsâ âjust like anyone elseâ.
Asexual people or people who donât feel attraction to anyone feeling pressured to seek out and enter into relationships.
Violations of amatonormativity would include dining alone by choice, putting friendship above romance, bringing a friend to a formal event or attending alone, cohabiting with friends, or not searching for romance. (Source)
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