SharkBait Chr0nicles

you know I never put it together that he built his platform on draining the swamp and then like went and made a swamp and now refuses to drain it

Today my Advanced Clinical Pathology professor trailed off in the middle of class and said, “If I seem distracted, it’s because last night I was talking with a friend and she asked ‘Who’s that chick in Titanic?’ but all I heard was ‘Chicken Titanic,’ and ever since then I’ve been thinking about a chicken on the bow of the Titanic like Kate Winslet, wings held high. It’s all I can think about.”

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

my mom told me this story tonight about my grandfather. she said when he was a little boy he was afraid robbers would break into his house in the middle of the night and try to abduct him out of his bed. he thought that they would be able to feel that he was the shape of a little boy under the covers and know to grab him. so he would try to fall asleep in the shape of a letter of the alphabet. so that they would feel for him and be like "oh it's just the letter R, not a kidnappable child"

jellyfish have to be kept in a round tank because if they're in a tank with corners they'll get stuck in them. I think that's beautiful. god's stupidest little plastic bags (affectionate)