linguine

amelia earhart isn’t dead shes on that island smoking fat blunts with the coconut crabs

love is stored in the museum gift shop

kickstarter to replace my uterus with something useful like a boombox or a fog machine

why they gotta play abba in grocery stores………………. what kind of cruel torment is that…………. you can’t just put me, a gay, in a public area where literally every single human has to visit … and play voulez-vous.. what am i meant to do?? NOT go berserk?? NOT give in to the most primal desires to dance and sing etched into my gay ass bones?? YOU EXPECT ME to sit here and browse tinned peaches with fucking ABBA playing through shitty tinny ass public speakers?? 

12 words… say it and I’m yours

do NOT offer me a big spoon if you see me with a small one. i know what im fuckin doing

can i offer a smaller spoon?

absolutely! finally, someone with some sense around here

Wow need to have more sex I tell you that

Sounds like the bussy wasn’t as popular as the name implied