Hi, I'm Elian shaneboleyn, and I mostly reblog things here!!
I'm also on dreamwidth, where I post my hr icons! If you're on dreamwidth, you should join the game changers/heated rivalry comm if you haven't already.
I also write fic:
bad decisions (M, 0.5k)
Drunk at an award ceremony, Shane hooks up with Scott Hunter. A couple of months later, Ilya and Scott talk about it.
Poor(ly) Timing (G, 1.3k)
Ilya passes out on home ice while Shane's on the eastern seaboard.
kicking at the topsoil (T, 2.7k)
Three messages come through from Hayden: I'm so fucking sorry Mnan | Are you OK???? | CALL ME!!!!' Which is concerning enough that Shane does. Or: Hayden accidentally publishes a FanMail video that outs Shane. (No, not that one.)
chorus of my worst thoughts (M, 1.5k)
It's the anniversary of his mother's death, and Ilya is deciding whether or not to go to practice.
falling asleep with the lights on (M, 5.9k, incomplete)
It's the end of Ilya's second season on the Ottawa Centaurs, and he's ready to spend the next two weeks with Shane. Of course, that's when he has to get sick.
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like of course ilya would own a racehorse. the most frivolous purchase you could ever make PLUS high-risk gambling behavior PLUS its a beautiful noble creature that he gets to love and take care of and brush her mane and feed her carrots and talk soothingly to her in russian whenever he visits the stables. like obviously. and he weeps like a baby whenever she wins
Ok so I read your shallergies fics and first of all: magical, show stopping, stupendous, thank you for your talent.
Second of all!!! In one of your fics you have like an almost throw away line where Hayden mentions he’s had to stop the other Voyageurs/Metros players from fucking with Shane’s food and like. Now my mind is rife with the ✨possibilities✨ of that scenario. Like. One of them adds peanuts or something to something Shane thinks is safe as a prank and Hayden doesn’t catch it and suddenly Shane is in anaphylaxis and everyone is freaking the fuck out. The next time Ilya plays Montreal that one player gets laid the FUCK out for some reason.
combo-ing with @pitrosa just because both of y'all were getting to the same DELICIOUS possibility of a wild amount of angst.
like the idea of someone fucking with shane's food at a party at jackie and hayden's place not because they know shane is allergic but because they're shitty and i 100% buy some bigoted asshole seeing it as a way shane is just trying to be special and other. so they knowingly do something like stir in some peanut butter or mix in some coconut oil. literally just something they see easily available in this one minute window in the kitchen they have when they're just being an asshole.
and even beyond just the nightmare of now shane has a reaction and this is one more thing that the team didn't know about previously and can spin into "so you didn't trust us?" IGNORING WHAT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED HERE, the fact that like. now shane isn't safe eating at events. or even fucking. being at events, tbh. like GOD the isolation of your team is cold to you now and you don't know which one of them fucked with you and you don't know that one or more of them won't do it again to hurt you. and it's not like any of them are going to fess up and own it because bigots are cowards and ALSO (even though shane wouldn't do it, i don't think) this is now like. pressing charges level.
and it's ONE MORE FUCKING THING that shane was afraid of!! and then it happened to him!!! what a fucking HEINOUS contribution to his anxiety getting worse while also feeling so isolated because even if hayden and jackie are equally PISSED and still invite you over when it's just y'all and you KNOW the food is safe. what the fuck are you even supposed to do here?
you are once again the kid alone at the allergy table, and this time it's because everyone else (it feels like) put you there on purpose.
also adding to this is that i know hayden would be fucking LIVID about this and ready to square the FUCK up with an asshole. like it's enough that they fucked with shane, but they also did it in HAYDEN'S house. where he has tried for years to make shane feel comfortable. he invited everyone into his home and they hurt his best friend, who has priority in being here over everyone as far as he's concerned.
and stuff with jj is SO complicated with the ilya of it all, but jj is shane's friend and i don't think?? was bad about him coming out?? (just being with ilya and not telling jj about that??) (if i remember correctly??) so we also have jj now angry on shane's behalf. and yeah, maybe he might be hurt that shane didn't tell him, but your friend having to go to the hospital has a way of kind of lining priorities up.
which means we now have blatant dividing lines down this team of who is falling on which side in a way that maybe wasn't even the case when it was about shane being gay. because this is a tangible and real thing that someone has used to hurt shane *could* use to hurt shane again. (and again! don't know exactly who it was!) and like it is NOT shane's fault. but i 100% see him feeling like it's his fault (and maybe even hearing that it's his fault from other people because well cap isn't keeping the team together now, is he?)
also thinking of the awful moment when Shane realises he's having a reaction and it's a bad one, this is dangerous, and there's people everywhere and he KNOWS Jackie wouldn't be so careless and she knows what to do but he can't see her right now and he doesn't remember if his jacket is on a hanger in the entry or with the pile in one of the guest rooms and okay, wait, there's an epipen in the kitchen because he's here so often, if he gets that he just needs to find Hayden to call an ambulance for him—meanwhile the guys are watching Shane Hollander start wheezing and turning a very alarming colour and his face is swelling up and he's stumbling past people and crashing into furniture and it's genuinely scary, it's actually terrifying, what the fuck? and the Pikes are dropping everything and zeroing in on him because right, they've always been like this, fucking weird, if Hollzy wasn't gay they'd all think he was fucking Jackie, but right now she's holding his face in her hands like he's made of glass and Pike is forcing him to sit on the floor and he's on the phone and looks like he's about to punch a motherfucker and when Jackie climbs into the ambulance with Hollander the house has been deathly silent for five minutes as everyone realises, whether they know what happened or not, that another line has been crossed and there's no going back
GOD shane in the middle of fucking anaphylaxis having to try and think of "gotta get out of sight gotta get out of sight gotta get out of sight" because the vibe with the team is already Fucking Weird, and he sure as HELL isn't going to have THIS happen in front of them.
but like. you can only hide anaphylaxis so fucking much.
so the worst of it happens out of sight with jackie helping shane into one of the guest rooms on the first floor while hayden goes to grab his jacket for him.
and also the double whammy FURY in the aftermath of now someone has hurt hayden's best friend in his home AND scared the hell out of his children because they had to watch uncle shane get so sick and are now upset because he had to leave the house in an ambulance with mommy. and the distribution of labor in that choice was jackie also being pissed and knowing, "either i'm going in this ambulance, or i'm catching a fucking charge today." and hayden being left to try and work out what the fuck just went down here because he's equally furious but at least has some level of knowing all of the guys here, but now he's trying to get updates on shane, calm the kids down and promise them uncle shane is okay and yeah they can maybe visit him later if he feels up to it, and also work out who the fuck decided they wanted to die today.
and with all of this?? like HELL is the person who did it thinking it was just a mean ass prank going to speak up. because this is now "maybe catching a charge for poisoning cap" territory and also a FURIOUS hayden pike is visibly ready to throw hands. time to keep it to yourself and SKEDADDLE.
GOD 100% I think hayden and jackie would be like YEP THAT'S DONE with hosting, but now??? soooo??? where is hosting going to happen?? ain't going to be shane's house.
and now showing up at someone's house when they host is a fucking STATEMENT, especially if it's someone who is especially notably Not Cool with shane.
and the way shane would still be taking the blame for this!! both from the shitty ones on the team and also feeling like it's his fault!! because the team is literally splintering around him and what the FUCK is he supposed to do about it!!
and the growing tension!! certainly doesn't make him feel LESS like someone is going to fuck with him!!
god and the EXTREMELY complex feelings shane would have about the rookie in the aftermath.
like NO of course he doesn't want this kid's career nuked because he was stupid and ended up being a patsy for fucking with shane-
-but also. he did do it.
like yeah the kid hero worshipped him in a way that was a little overwhelming but also?? kind of a relief?? when it felt like so much of the team was icing him out?? and yet when it came down to shane or the rest of the team, the rookie sided with the rest of the team to fuck with him. and he didn't KNOW it was serious, but he also didn't know it WASN'T.
and shane being so fucking angry that he knows he's supposed to forgive the kid here, but why does he ALWAYS have to be the one forgiving? why does he just have to take it on the chin and keep going and keep his head up and don't snap and don't not smile when you're supposed to and don't ever let that mask slip, young man, because it won't take much for those cheers to turn to jeers-
and even when he's trying SO FUCKING HARD why does it feel like he's still fucking FAILING.
vladi you have to STOP speaking because you are putting broken glass in the sandbox 😭😭😭
the idea of shane who is already having A Bad Fucking Time but now feeling SO fucking guilty and using what sway he has to put spin on this through The Power Of Yuna so the kid is never going to get back on montreal obviously, but A Team will take him because he IS a good player and shane issued a statement to the equivalent of, "I appreciate the pro-active response of my team," and GOD this would fucking suck to have to read over for approval because WHAT fucking response, "but I wanted to clear up a misundestanding of an unfortunate accident blah blah blah" that's as vague as possible but absolves the rookie of any active malice and plays it off as "stupid kid did a thing without realizing it would have consequences, but i get it," which helps the kid out but also makes shane look understanding and gracious and magnanimous. he got positioned as an asshole who came down hard on a rookie for no reason, so this press release does then make it, "hey, misunderstandings happened. i didn't mean for anything to happen here."
but also just. fucks him over further. montreal looks like they were a good team that just got a little overzealous in protecting shane hollander because of COURSE you would do that for shane hollander (and god the irony is thick enough to almost SMOTHER him), and meanwhile: NOTHING IS BETTER. NOTHING IS FIXED. THE VIBES ARE STILL FUCKING RANCID. SHANE STILL CAN'T FUCKING EAT AROUND HIS TEAM BECAUSE MAYBE SAFE BUT MAYBE NOT. ESPECIALLY IF HE'S ALREADY PLAYED IT OFF ONCE AS, "misunderstanding, things happen, that's life." BUT HE'S A GOOD SPORT, EVERYONE. HE'S A TEAM FUCKING PLAYER. HE IS SHANE HOLLANDER, BEST SPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT OF THEM ALL.
AND HE IS FUCKING DROWNING IN IT.
and making this worse is that the rookie is SO fucking thankful. like his hockey HERO saved his ass here after he was stupid and could have killed him. shane has never been more of a legend to him. and the kid wants to come up to him at every game they play against each other and say thank you again which is. so not fucking helpful. for trying to Repress The Shit Out Of The All Of This. and what is shane supposed to do! tell him to fuck off??? no! can't do that! this rookie was part of a nuke designed to blow shane's life apart, but he didn't mean it and shane is SUCH a good fucking sport and that's hockey and if you're just good enough and gracious enough and work hard enough, then everyone will let you have a place, right?
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Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.
who is sports betting in the game changers universe:
shane hollander IS sports betting and hes extremely good at it. of course feels shameful about it and does it in secret but the parlays just keep hitting and he is convinced he can stop anytime he wants. i think ilya finds out when hes opening their tax forms and opens a letter from draftkings or something and the total winnings makes ilyas eyes pop out of his head
ilya is only sports betting occasionally and informally and hes awful at it. like betting marly five thousand dollars that the celtics will make the playoffs and then they have their worst season in fifty years. fantasy football pools. horse races. things like this. and he loses very badly
cliff marleau is under investigation by the league for betting on mlh games using insider information and gets suspended for 30 games and forced to pay a $10,000 fine
yuna hollander is sports betting and turning a fat profit #motherlikeson
first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets or the masterlist so kindly put together by @tafkarfanfic. some of you may remember that i said i didn't plan on including rose in this au. well, plans change :)
July 2015
Shane is really trying to do this second chance thing right.
Brian has been over to his place nearly every day, whenever Shane doesn't have other obligations. They've been doing all the usual dating activities they can at home - cooking and eating dinner together, watching movies, having sex - and Brian has been so sweet, so attentive throughout and it's all just. Fine.
It's fine.
It's just that every time Brian is over, Shane is kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the sweetness to sour, for the small, sniping comments to come back. And he feels guilty, expecting the worst when Brian is clearly trying so hard to do better, but it eats at him all the same.
There's also his last message from Ilya.
Are you okay?, sent two days after Vegas.
Unanswered, but read about a hundred times. Shane opens the thread compulsively multiple times a day, considers writing a response, and then closes it.
He's got nothing to say that Ilya would want to hear. And he should be focusing on Brian anyway, on their second chance. Shane needs to give it a proper try and for that to happen, he can't keep thinking about Ilya. He should probably block his number. He would, if it didn't feel physically impossible.
But it's fine. Shane is miserable, but it's fine. It's only been nine days; maybe things will be different next week. His feelings magically changed. He just needs to give it time.
On the evening of the tenth day, JJ calls.
"You haven't been reading the group chat, Hollander!"
"Not really," Shane admits. He hasn't been in much of a celebratory mood since Vegas, and the group chat is exclusively invitations to parties and clubs right now.
"But you are in Montreal, non?"
"Yeah?"
"Then get your ass down to Soleil right now! Fucking everyone is here, and I don't just mean the team. Models, singers, fucking movie stars, and everybody wants a piece of us!"
Brian is coming over in an hour.
"Okay," Shane says. "Sure, I'm there."
But he'll understand, right? It's a team function, Shane's expected to be there. It would be weird if he didn't go.
Soleil is a massive, three-story club, its tall windows tinted and the entrance corded off with velvet ropes. A well-dressed bouncer pulls one aside as soon as he sees Shane, ushering him inside with a nod and a "Good evening, Captain."
The theatricality of it all is kind of ridiculous, but Shane can see why it would appeal to the guys.
Shane passes by the dance floor quickly, noticing a few of his teammates in the crowd. There are a lot of very pretty people around, some of whom Shane recognizes and a few he can even place.
JJ is standing by the bar and he pulls Shane into a crushing hug when he sees him.
"Fucking finally," he says, ruffling Shane's hair. Shane laughs and shoves him off. "Vegas must have worn you out, huh?"
Shane shrugs and doesn't answer.
"Everyone has been waiting for you, mon capitaine. You know who came up to me ten minutes ago just to ask if you'd be here?" JJ leans in, hand on Shane's shoulder. "Rose fucking Landry!"
Rose Landry is an actual A-list movie star. Shane's seen three of her films on flights this year. It's rumored that she may be cast in the next X-Squad movie.
And she asked to see him?
"I will take you to her," JJ says, grinning. "You hit it off with her, I hit it off with her friend Vanessa Long, we all leave this club happy."
It's not the first time JJ's tried to wingman for him - Shane doesn't give him a lot of opportunities but he grabs the ones he gets - but for once Shane doesn't mind. Not if it means he gets to meet Rose Landry.
"Hell yeah, lead the way."
When JJ said Rose Landry wanted to meet him, Shane sort of figured it was to congratulate him on the cup and maybe ask for a nice photo op for social media.
But no, she asks Shane to sit in her booth and talk, and she seems genuinely thrilled when he agrees. Her friend Vanessa and JJ join in the conversation for all of five minutes before JJ whisks her off to the dance floor, and then it's just Rose and Shane.
Shane's expecting it to be awkward but somehow, it's not. They talk for over an hour and when Rose gets sick of people coming up to them in the crowded club, they move to one of the private lounges upstairs and keep talking there.
Rose is easy to get along with, personable and warm in a way that can't be faked. She tells him about her childhood and her family, and asks all the right questions in return. It's the most carefree, fun conversation Shane has had in a while.
It kind of makes him wish he was into women, which is a thought Shane doesn't entertain too often. It feels like a betrayal of what he has with Brian.
But it does make him wonder - does Rose think he's flirting with her?
He gets his answer about two minutes later when she reaches across the table, taking his hand in hers and giving him a shy smile that would surely melt any straight guy's heart.
Shane pulls back gently. "Um. I'm sorry, I'm not -"
"Oh." Rose straightens. "No problem, obviously. Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Uh."
"Or a boyfriend," Rose adds. "I won't judge."
It's an obvious joke - haha, the gay star athlete, imagine that - but Shane can't react quickly enough to laugh it off. He freezes instead, stomach twisting tightly.
"Oh," Rose says again, voice soft and eyes wide. "That's - that's really not a problem."
Shit. This is so bad.
"Please don't tell anyone," Shane begs quietly.
"I won't," Rose promises. "I know what that kind of secret getting out could do to a person, believe me."
She's a stranger. Shane has no reason to trust her, so he doesn't know why her reassurances work so well to calm his racing heart.
"I really didn't - I'm so sorry, that was insensitive of me to joke about. I didn't mean to corner you."
"You didn't, you just surprised me." Shane manages a stiff smile, cheeks burning hot with embarrassment. "People don't normally consider I might be, um."
For fuck's sake, he can't even say it out loud.
Rose nods in understanding. "I get it. I kind of got the impression your friend was trying to set us up. I'm guessing he doesn't know?"
"Almost no one does," Shane admits. "Just two, uh, two people. But I've slept with them both, so. Not sure that completely counts."
"Sounds lonely."
"I guess." Shane shrugs. "I'm used to it."
Rose hums. "So, do you have a boyfriend?"
She's only the second person to ever ask him that. She sounds pleasantly curious, and Shane really wishes he could enjoy it. Sharing this piece of himself with someone who doesn't seem to want anything other than to know him a little bit better.
But the question lands uncomfortably instead. Yes, Shane thinks and, I'm only here, talking to you, because I didn't want to see him tonight.
"Oh," Rose says after the silence stretches on for too long. She leans in, looking interested. "Is it complicated?"
Shane grimaces. "Um. No, not really. Or kind of?"
"Well, it doesn't sound simple."
"I have a boyfriend," Shane says. Whispers, almost, even though they're alone in the room and the door is closed. "It's just... things have been weird lately."
"You could tell me about it, if you want?" Rose suggests. "I've been told I'm a pretty good listener and it doesn't sound like you've got many people to talk to."
Something in Shane aches at that. He does want to tell her - tell someone - about Brian and Ilya and the whole mess Shane has made of everything. How many times in the past year (past decade, really) has he wished for someone to talk to?
"You really can't tell anyone."
Rose mimes zipping her lips shut. "Your secrets are safe with me."
It's actually crazy that Shane is even considering this but it's so tempting, to let someone in.
"I, uh, I started seeing this guy when I was sixteen."
He keeps going, laying it all out. Every messy detail, even the things that have him burning with shame speaking them out loud. It's like once he's started he can't stop, like he's purging himself of every secret shoved down deep in his chest the past eight years, and it's ugly and painful but it also feels like a fucking mountain lifting off his shoulders.
Rose stays quiet while he speaks, nodding along. When Shane tells her about his first time with Ilya (without saying his name, because that secret isn't his to share) she gasps and he has to look away, already feeling scraped raw without having to see her reactions.
Deafening silence settles between them once Shane is finished speaking. He finally dares to look back up and Rose is staring contemplatively into her drink.
She lifts it, taking a delicate sip, and then says, "Okay. I'm gonna tell you something you might not like, but I think you need to hear it."
Oh, God. She's gonna tell him to block Ilya, isn't she?
"Brian is an asshole."
Shane blinks. "Oh. Um, isn't that a little harsh?"
"It's not," Rose says adamantly. "It's actually nowhere near harsh enough but I don't think you're ready for the full rant yet."
"You haven't even met him," Shane protests. He ignores how automatic and rote the defense sounds even to his own ears. "Maybe what I told you didn't make him sound great, but there's more to him."
"Did you lie about any of it?"
"No," Shane says, because what would be the point?
"Okay." Rose nods. "You're right, I haven't met him. I'm sure he can seem genuinely sweet and loving at times."
"He is."
"But let's lay out the facts." Rose holds up a finger. "Number one, he corners you drunk and alone at a party when you're sixteen and he is a fully grown adult."
"I wasn't that drunk-"
"Number two, even after you tell him your age he still wants to keep seeing you." She tilts her head, giving him a wry smile. "Let me guess, he told you that you were mature for your age?"
Shane's stomach tightens. He feels vaguely sick and Rose moves on without waiting for confirmation.
"Number three, he doesn't respect your chosen field of work and in the five years you've been playing professionally he's only bothered showing up for two games."
"He showed up to my last game," Shane says, because it's true. Maybe Brian hasn't always made an effort but he's doing it now. That has to count for something, right?
"After he realized you might be interested in another guy," Rose points out. "Which brings me to number four, he pressures you into opening the relationship and you agree to it because you're afraid he might dump you otherwise."
She grimaces and adds, "And I'm sorry but in my experience, 'I want to open the relationship' usually means they've found someone else they want to fuck or they're already doing it."
Shane's heart sinks. He feels numb all over, like he's standing outside of his body.
Already doing it. The thought never crossed his mind. Maybe it should have.
"Number five," Rose continues. Merciless or merciful, Shane hasn't decided, because he doesn't like hearing this but he's starting to think he really, really needs to, "He gives you the silent treatment after every fight, knowing you've got no one else to turn to.
"Number six..." she hesitates. "It, um... it doesn't sound like you were ready when you guys started having sex. And that maybe he pressured you?"
Shane wants to deny that. He can't.
"So, yeah." Rose shrugs apologetically. "Asshole doesn't really begin to cover it."
Hearing her list it all out like that, simple, matter-of-fact, it makes Shane want to throw up. It makes him angry, that same hot, bubbling feeling in his chest he felt in Vegas when Brian showed up unannounced.
That same anger that Brian talked him down from so expertly, so thoroughly that he actually convinced Shane to give him another chance.
Even though Shane doesn't even love him anymore.
Shane buries his face in his hands. "I'm such an idiot."
"No!" Rose says, immediate and sharp. She reaches across the table, placing her hand on Shane's arm. "You're not an idiot, Shane. You put your trust in someone who said they love you, that's not stupid. That's brave."
Shane isn't sure he believes her but he nods, lowering his hands. Rose gives him a brilliant smile, thumb caressing his arm.
"But I think you know what you need to do now."
Shane nods again. His mouth feels dry, heart pounding. "And, um. The other guy?"
"He sounds good for you. But," Rose adds, squeezing his arm for emphasis, "you should probably stay single for a bit. You don't want to waste a guy that nice on a rebound."
Unknowingly or not, she's probably the first person to ever describe Ilya Rozanov as nice. It makes Shane smile, because she's not wrong.
"Besides, you're not dumping Brian for him. You're doing it for yourself."
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Anyway here's another possibly controversial headcanon:
Shane is an adrenaline junkie.
I don't think that this should be such a wild idea considering Shane AND Ilya are both the guy hooking up (and catching feelings) with their archival on the down-low for literal years starting before they were legally allowed to rent a hotel room. I think Shane gets just as much of a thrill from it as Ilya, maybe even with the added bonus of feeling like he's pulling the wool over everyone's eyes with regards to his 'Squeaky Clean' image--something Ilya never really cultivated.
What does this look like outside of his sex life? So glad you asked. Sometimes Shane will start feeling like his skin is crawling and no amount of moving his body will get it to stop and so he finds the nearest roller coaster. The faster the better. Ride operators at La Ronde see him coming and let him skip the line, which used to make him feel a bit embarrassed but after he brought back the Cup the first time they started getting REALLY insistant about it and, at the end of the day, Shane kind of figures it's his due. For the Cup.
They also let him ride as many times in a row as he wants, which, again. Part of him kind of figures he's Shane fucking Hollander, y'know?
So he regulates this way. And it's not perfect because there's zero anonymity to the whole thing, especially in Montreal, but it works. It's not necessarily a secret--the team knows that Hollzy's always good to go if someone wants to day trip to Disneyland or Six Flags if they're in the area, and Hayden benefits greatly from foisting his eldest two children off on Shane for a day knowing that he's willing to ride the rides with them (Hayden gets motion sick and Jackie has exactly zero patience for lines.) but it's not a widely known thing.
So it surprises Ilya when, once, he and Shane meet up in Newark after the Raiders play the Admirals and the Metros play the Monsters, Shane is still buzzing like an absolute race horse even after Ilya has made him cum twice and they're laying in bed, Shane on his stomach with an absent look in his eyes and Ilya is just about to ask if he's good when Shane says, "Do you want to do something crazy?"
And of course Ilya is like, "Jesus Hollander, three times in one night?" but Shane doesn't hear him because he's already clamoring over Ilya to--get off the bed and pull on his clothes.
"You don't have to come," Shane tells him. "But, uh--you ride a motorcycle, right? This might be fun for you."
Which is how Ilya ends up in Luna Park with Shane Hollander on a starless night in October.
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