Qwill

A/N: ITS NOT TRIGGERING DW!! I decided to go with Raph because he just… rings such big teddy bear vibes for me… very comfort... ANYWAY. I’m not the most proud of it but I HOPE YOU ENJOY ANYWAY!! I’d love to know your thoughts !

H e a v y (A Drabble)

Rise!Raph X Reader

Warnings: depressive behavior, self deprecation, implied ACCIDENTAL starvation, possible OOC?

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It’s cold, It’s dark, and every day feels the same. Get up, go to work. Make sure to smile and nod and work hard and work right, work right, work right.

But you don’t work right.

You’re always doing something wrong, always overstepping, understepping, smiling too wide, not smiling enough, and it’s exhausting. Everyone else can do it. Everyone else can follow the script so seamlessly every day. But not you. Never you. You don’t ..fit.

…maybe you don’t deserve to.

Those were the kind of thoughts plaguing your mind, stuck to the slope of your skull like tar. You hid under the blankets, aching, exhausted, heavy.

You don’t want to do this anymore, don’t want to BE here anymore, doing the same thing over and over again with no change and—

Knock knock knock…

You don’t move.

It’s too much.

Your eyes drag up to the window, where rain thuds each little droplet onto your window as if the sky were spitting at you. A figure is stood there. You don’t have to wonder who it is, you already know— but it’s too much to get up.

The silhouette seems to understand your predicament, and slowly opens the window to let himself in. He was always good at that. Letting himself into places. Rooms, hearts— You weren’t much good at taking up space. You weren’t much good at anything.

“Hey… you okay..?” His voice is soft, but not smooth, it cracks once with worry. His face slowly illuminates by the light as he turns to close the window behind him, hopeful to not let unnecessary water in. “I got your text..”

Oh yeah, you did do that.

Your lips purse with effort, attempting to string together a sentence worth more than the excuse of words you had sent him earlier.

“Not good…” you mumble, and your eyes betray your heartache. Raph makes his way over, and sits down next to you. His weight on the bed indents it, pulling you closer to him by a fraction. His hand lifts and gently brushes your hair out of your face, his large, cool hand cradling your tear stained cheek.

He’s quiet for a moment, eyes flicking over you with concern. He wants to help. You know he wants to help. For why, you’d never know.

“What happened..?” He asks tentatively, worried he was overstepping. His hand shifts to rest over where he assumes your shoulder is under the blankets. Heavy, but steady, in a good way. With this weight, it’s almost like you can breathe a little lighter.

You don’t exactly know the answer to his question, so you spill out the next best thing, “…Everything.”

“I’m..it’s too much..” the words pathetically tumble out of your mouth, “I’m so tired and…” you feel that sickening feeling again, the one you’d been trying to ignore for the past few hours. The one that makes you feel like you deserve divine punishment for breathing wrong. “I’m not… cut out for this..”

Raph notices you curl further into yourself, the exhaustion, the hurt, and comes to the conclusion that he knows what’s going on. You’re having one of those days, again. If he wasn’t familiar with it, he wouldn’t be so calmly somber. This isn’t something he can just cheer you up with. With this, he didn’t always know how to fix everything, which stressed him out a little— but he would always try. It was worth it for you. You would do the same for him.

He his hand leaves your shoulder, and he seems to debate something before he stands up. With great care, he scoops you up, watching your face to make sure you aren’t in any discomfort. He looks at you as though you had stolen the stars just for him, when you don’t recall ever doing something so worthy.

“When was the last time you rested?” He asks as he sits back on the bed with you in his arms. You shake your head, “I’ve already rested.. I’ve been resting.”

Raph raises a brow, “you weren’t resting when I came in.” He tilts his head, “you were bed rotting…” his brows furrow, he frowns, “and ruminating, it seems.”

Was there a difference..? You didn’t have the energy to debate it.

“I guess.” You mumble, and lean your head on the curve of his plastron. His arms pull you closer, protective, his eyes warm. “What can I do to help you rest?”

When you pause for a little too long, he begins to wrack his brain to think of something.

“Have you eaten..?” His words murmur, soft, as if you would shatter like glass were he to be too loud. “Drank any water..?”

You frown at his question, because you’ve been in bed so long, you can’t recall the last time you did those things. It wasn’t intentional, you just… felt so heavy. It’s hard to move, or eat, or shower, or.. all the other things you should be able to do on your own.

Raph slowly lifts off the bed, and makes his way to the kitchen, stepping over the work clothes you had left on the floor. He seems to have an eye on you the whole time, despite also watching where he’s stepping. He’s clearly a little anxious. You wish you could fix that.

He sets you on the kitchen counter, and fixes your blankets to fit more proper on you. “There you go, Raph’s got you.” He manages a smile, but the worry line between his brows is evident. “Maybe while I’m making you something, you could tell ol’ Raph a little bit more about what you’re feeling.” He tilts his head, “yeah?” He looks like he wants to hug all your troubles away.

You wish he could.

“I dunno… I just..” the sigh tumbles from your lips, “you know.. I feel like I mess everything up..” the words feel silly as you say them, and yet, the murmur at the back of your brain still believes it.

“Why do you say that?” Raph smiles like it’s not raining, smiles at you like you’re worth the world— it’s clear he doesn’t think of you the way your subconscious does.. “Raph thinks you’re pretty show-stopping.” He shrugs his shoulders as he works with the food.

His words are charming, but you’re too exhausted to smile. He notices, his brow furrows once more. He’s quiet for a moment, before he speaks again, “…Hey, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.” His eyes seem to plead with you, “and… I’m sorry everything is so overwhelming..” he leaves his station with the food, and cups your cheeks in his large hands. “If there’s anything Raph can do.. helping with laundry, making food, cleaning up— I’d do anything to help.” a hand drops to grasp your own.. you return the gesture.

“No, no… it’s okay…” you shake your head, eyes averting, “I should be doing this stuff myself, anyway… yet another thing I can’t do right.” You mutter the last part under your breath, but Raph clearly hears it, and brings your face up to meet his eyes once more.

He smiles tenderly, “Then I guess I’ll just have to keep helping you until you can do it on your own.”

“Raph..”

“There’s nothing wrong with letting the people who love you help you.” He says, before giving a small chuckle, “A wise woman told me that once.. before I jumped off of a tree.” He laughed a little, you found a small smile on your lips.

“So… movie?”

It’s an offer he likely won’t let you refuse.

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A/N: I FEEL LIKE THIS IS SUCH DOGSHIT FOR HOW LONG IT TOOK ME 😭😭😭 I’m sorry I am so TRASH at comfort, apparently. I hope this was even a LITTLE enjoyable, even if not very realistic 😔

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[tags via : @heavenly-havoc]

Polyamory could have saved them

Messy Divine warriors thoughts under the cut

cooking up a reference board

*slides this comic to you over the counter* have this stupid thing I made a while ago bc I'm trying so hard to work on art and it's all incomplete comics so I can't even post them 😭 Anyway, top 10 moments before tragedy strikes

for @evenmorebeess ‘s dtiys!! had a lot of fun with this lol. definitely felt this, bc i have a long-standing rivalry with the summer heat >XP