Mindless Thoughts

The quiet rest you need to feel back whole.

No other heart could ever take your place;

I’m anchored here within this silent space.

A minute’s word or nothing at all,

I’ll be the one to catch you if you fall.

Take all the time to find your inner light;

I’m waiting for you through the longest night.

For reading too much into silence,

for noticing changes in tone,

for feeling threatened by someone you swore was “nothing.”

Turns out,

my intuition was never insecurity.

It was a story trying to warn me before the ending arrived.

And the cruelest part?

You made me feel guilty for being right.

the plot twist wasn’t that you chose them.

It was realizing

my heart had already highlighted their name

in every chapter where you told me not to worry.

And somehow,

that hurt less than knowing

I abandoned my own instincts

just to keep trusting you.

is now the one standing beside you.

I remember convincing myself I was just jealous,

just damaged,

just imagining things.

But some hearts can read chapters

before they’re spoken out loud.

I wasn’t crazy.

I was simply ahead of the truth.

the hours that survived everyone else.

I fit myself into corners of your day

and called it patience.

I knew your schedule better than my own,

knew which nights I should not hope,

which days were already spoken for

before my name could arrive.

I waited in the spaces between plans,

between laughter that wasn’t mine,

between people who saw you fully

while I watched from far away.

I was never the argument,

never the reason you stayed home.

I was the quiet understanding

that made everything else easier.

Loving you felt like standing still

while the world kept choosing you.

I don’t think you meant to leave me behind.

I think I was simply convenient to forget.

So I am learning how to leave gently,

not because I mattered less,

but because no one should have to ask

to be remembered.

in the same drawer of my life,

between things I still reached for

and things I told myself I might need again.

It was soft once,

the kind of soft that comes from use,

from being chosen over and over

until the fabric learns the shape of you.

I wore it on days I wanted comfort,

on days I did not want to explain myself,

on days when familiarity felt like safety.

It never announced when it began to change.

No tearing sound.

No sudden tightness.

Just small adjustments I did not question,

rolling the sleeves a little higher,

holding my breath while pulling it on,

telling myself it shrank in the wash,

telling myself I had not changed that much.

I learned how to move carefully in it.

How not to stretch my arms too wide.

How to sit without feeling the seams protest.

How to ignore the quiet way

it resisted me.

And still, I loved it.

Because loving something does not require it to fit,

only that it once did.

Only that it remembers you

the way you remember it.

So I kept it.

Through seasons it no longer belonged to.

Through versions of myself

that had already outgrown its shape.

I let it hang on me like a memory

instead of clothing,

heavy with what it used to mean.

Until one day,

without ceremony, without drama,

I tried to put it on

and my body refused the lie.

The buttons would not close.

The sleeves stopped halfway.

The mirror showed me something undeniable.

This was no longer made for who I am now,

and I could not become smaller

just to keep it.

That was the hardest part,

not the letting go,

but the realization that I had been carrying it

long after it stopped carrying me.

So I folded it carefully.

Not angrily.

Not with regret.

With the kind of respect you give

to something that walked with you

as far as it could.

I placed it down,

not because I stopped loving it,

but because loving it

no longer meant keeping it.

And I would like to say

this is about fabric,

about threads and seams and worn out edges,

but I am not talking

about a piece of clothing.

This constricting vines left me breathless

Asphyxiated by the night

Gasping for air, grasping nowhere

Falling deeper it's getting darker

It's getting smaller, narrower

Confined by thy own mind

Restricted by chains

Paralyzed and crippled

Numbness spreading

Let me breathe

Let me feel

Let me go"

I would still choose to undergo all the things I went through.

The pain

the suffering

the sacrifices

the mistakes

Because all those things led me to you.

It was the final blow. I tried to run and hide. But I know there's no one ready to aid me of my fear

I wish I could just wake up and forget but it's real.

Or did somebody else already occupied the space I once had in your mind.

Drains all my hardwork progressing

I've pushed my way to continuously ascend

But I slipped and now I'm mercilessly headed into descend