Sympathy For The Devil

BUTTON- So, when someone bangs out that knock, you know the rest of the rhyme-- or I guess 'rhythm'.

CHAGA- Yeah…

BUTTON- Y-yeah! So- so your brain on instinct can finish that. Just like how our brain and body knows to enter one of the four Fs.

CHAGA- What were those again?

BUTTON- Fight, Flight, Fawn, and Freeze- But when you encounter an unpleasant situation, you brain knows to 'bang out a beat' to keep yourself flowing, safe. However- when we experience severe and often repeated traumas, our body's response to things can get mixed up and worn out.

CHAGA- So any time someone else knocks we don't... can't… know how they're gonna finish the rhythm?

BUTTON- Yeah! Yes. You're catching on quickly. To go with that metaphor, allegory? which ever it is- When someone "Knocks at our door" we don't know anything about them. Just what we see through the peep hole. We're only left to judge them by how they look and "How they knock". So- when someone knocks in a way maybe someone who wasn't the nicest in past did…

CHAGA- …You're left to assume that maybe they don't…. they don't mean well?

BUTTON- Mhm! Yeah! So we may respond harshly at first, due to lack of trust, lack of understanding, lack of bond…

BUTTON- Could I ask, what made you think I was talking about Juno?

CHAGA- …Why else would you bring it up? I hurt him. I pushed, I clung, I pleaded… I gripped too tight. And he threw me in here, because we both knew that was the only way I would stop.

BUTTON- I'm gonna be blunt here, Chaga. You barely know each other. You knew… Em…

CHAGA- Emilio.

BUTTON- Thank you. You knew Emilio well, but not Juno. This is a different life time, a different person. And when you're getting to know someone, you have a lot of doors to knock on, a lot of boundaries to discuss. Friend or… otherwise. Juno is justified in his discomfort, yes, he is justified in his every want for space, but you are justified for your need to be upset, to be hurt.

CHAGA- Yeah but… I mean… going with this dumb analogy or whatever- I don't know Juno all that well, but I trust him. We went through so much together back in The Hollow. Our time there meant everything to me, regardless of Emi. I grew fond of Juno. I- This isn't his first time knocking. And it certainly isn't mine. We aren't 'strangers', and we've let each other in before. So there I feel like there isn't entire accident in this hurt I've caused. BUTTON- Right. Well, there's factors. Sometimes a person can knock in an alarming way before you get a chance to look through the door to see if it's a friend. Sometimes people add signs to their yard and extra locks. Sometimes the decor changes- this is getting too obscure, but, What I'm trying to say is: Progress is never a straight line, environmental factors can weigh a heavy toll on relationships. You don't know everything about Juno, you can't read his mind- even if you can tell how he's feeling. Juno can't read your mind either. Whether or when you two communicate is up to both of you. Patience is really hard to have when it feels like the world is ending, but you have time. If he wants to talk, he will. For now though, step away from the door, stop waiting for him to knock, and recover. Take care of you. He can worry about himself. A-and if he has more to say, things he wants to know, I'm sure he'll come to you. But you can't worry about him, and what he wants and needs, if he doesn't want to let you in right now.

CHAGA- I... Hm... I guess. I don't know... I still feel... Hmm... He was my friend. Is? Was? I don't... I can't ask myself to make that decision. I think it's his anyways. But- He was my friend, and I cared for him more then anything. About how his family treated him, how caged he was in his work, the way he was left to be some little lab rat for his piers... I can't read his mind but I knew- smelled how he felt. And I've felt that all too. Hurt, shattered trust, like you were used for something you're not sure you understand and... I feel like shit. Because I know... I have *ideas* of how I hurt him. And I don't know what to do with that ache. BUTTON- Again. If emotions allow for it, there'll be a time and place. I wouldn't push or force though, Chaga. A-again, the future is the future, past is past. You worry about your present. Whittling yourself down to this guilt over this error... it won't do you any good. And again, to be blunt- Making assumptions like that- isn't really fair to yourself, and being defensive like that can weaken our ties to others. Chalking yourself up as some villain just because you made a mistake. To jump to such conclusions from one fight, one fall out. You can do bad things, you can hurt people, you can knock too loud, stay on the porch too long. But doing bad things doesn't immediately deem you evil. You just- like every other person on and off the planet- you need to keep working on yourself. Learn from what you do wrong, and move on. Keep the knowledge with you, carry it, don't just leave it with one person. I'm risking rambling for the rest of our time but, You understand now? CHAGA- Maybe. I... I get everything your saying. I just... It's hard to not... think ill of myself over this. BUTTON- You can feel shame- CHAGA- I know. I... I know. ... Let's finish this talk next time. I'm good for now, I think. Thank you, for the food and... and this talk. BUTTON- ... Of course, Chaga. If you're ever in need- CHAGA- I know. Th-thank you.