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haha yeah man female dogs are bitchy and female horses are bitchy and female cats are bitchy and female ferrets are bitchy and female rats are bitchy and female guinea pigs are bitchy and female birds are bitchy and female rabbits are bitchy and female everything is bitchy. lol! isn’t it so funny how you think that! isn’t it so silly that this is your perception of literally every species! haha! i’m sure there’s nothing to unpack there! i’m sure you’re 100% accurate and unbiased in your conclusion that female animals are just inherently evil! i’m sure you have very normal thoughts about human women too! teehee! isn’t everyone laughing! isn’t it so goofy!

I’ve lived alone cooking for one and I’ve been the main cook in the house for several people. I’ve worked with a budget of ten dollars and I’ve worked with a weekly budget of three hundred dollars. And either way there’s just never enough freezer space somehow.

It's wild how many people keep saying "There's no need to worry about [present issue] because [thing] will be fixed/optimized/viable in the future" with absolutely no data or projections on what that's supposed to look like, just this unshakeable optimism as though they've been to the future themselves and checked

the thing I love most about how tumblr users use tags is that it’s like what if a social media website had a footnotes system

we're moving to an internet where children would be banned from reaching out for help and friendship online but abusive parents can post their children's every second online to humiliate and expose them for money with no pushback

you solve the mystery of what to have for dinner one night and you think "hell yeah case closed forever" WRONG there is a dinner mystery the next night too

my feeling about youtube video essays and w/e is there need to be a reason it's a video and not a blog post or audio podcast. what is the visual component adding to your message? if the answer is "nothing of substance", type it up instead

The core appeal of Willy Wonka is that he's a nigh-omnipotent maniac who uses his near limitless powers over reality to trick shitty people into killing themselves. You can't make him the protagonist of a whimsical coming of age tale - you have to treat him like Jason Voorhees, or Dracula, or any other horror icon. Give him some new victims and new interesting kills and set him loose, that's all audiences want.

I feel like I watched a somewhat different movie...

If you become a trillionaire you should immediately be shot and have your assets seized and redistributed. You were a fruit that is now ripe and ready for harvest

see unfortunately I have this condition where if I am not explicitly told that I am a part of the ingroup then I will assume I must be part of the outgroup

I kind of miss the impulsivity that certain spaces used to allow. oh you want a hair cut today? hairdresser in the corner can fit you in before her 2 o’clock. tattoo of a cobra… sure leg or arm? even concerts, back when you could go to the box office thirty mins before any show. not saying these things don’t exist at all, but everything feels booked five months in advance and 10x more expensive

you are fifteen thousand generations removed from stone tools

to be clear you are fifteen thousand generations removed from the invention of stone tools. not from the end of stone tools. modern humans are still using stone tools.

I thought you meant we were descendents -of- stone tools

your father was a handaxe and your mother smelt of microliths

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)