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im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

I don't rly understand the whole 6 7 thing but I must say I'm glad to know they're still releasing new funny numbers. 420 and 69 had been shouldering a lot of weight for a long time.

I think a lot of people are pro-life because they know they would have been aborted, that is secretly their motivation and not actually a misguided interpretation of Christian theology or a belief that life begins at conception. They’re say shit like “What if your mom aborted you?” like, okay I wouldn’t be here, that really wasn’t on the table because my parents really wanted me and was on fertility treatments to try to have me. Would your mom have aborted you? Is that what this is all about, you wouldn’t have been born if your mother wasn’t coerced/forced to carry you to term and give birth to you so you feel like everyone else should be forced to give birth to their annoying baby?

Whenever they gave us one of those "read through ALL the instructions before you begin!" trick assignments in school where the steps lead you on an increasingly ridiculous goose chase until the final one tells you to just put your name on the paper and turn it in without doing anything else, I was always like, "Okay, but what's the point? Surely the REAL world won't be anything like this." And then I grew up and discovered that not only is the real world often exactly like that, some people won't even read the first line of the instructions even if they make perfect sense. And these people are called "co-workers"

haha yeah man female dogs are bitchy and female horses are bitchy and female cats are bitchy and female ferrets are bitchy and female rats are bitchy and female guinea pigs are bitchy and female birds are bitchy and female rabbits are bitchy and female everything is bitchy. lol! isn’t it so funny how you think that! isn’t it so silly that this is your perception of literally every species! haha! i’m sure there’s nothing to unpack there! i’m sure you’re 100% accurate and unbiased in your conclusion that female animals are just inherently evil! i’m sure you have very normal thoughts about human women too! teehee! isn’t everyone laughing! isn’t it so goofy!

I’ve lived alone cooking for one and I’ve been the main cook in the house for several people. I’ve worked with a budget of ten dollars and I’ve worked with a weekly budget of three hundred dollars. And either way there’s just never enough freezer space somehow.

It's wild how many people keep saying "There's no need to worry about [present issue] because [thing] will be fixed/optimized/viable in the future" with absolutely no data or projections on what that's supposed to look like, just this unshakeable optimism as though they've been to the future themselves and checked

the thing I love most about how tumblr users use tags is that it’s like what if a social media website had a footnotes system