lovepai 🥧

Only use genderless words.

Nonhuman and human (though the term human, used unnecesserally, creates dysphoria personally)

2nd person pronouns are vou/vou/vour/vours/vourself and vourselves (use both) and zoum/zoum/zoums/zoums/zoumself, zoumselves (prefer zoumself, but zoumselves is fine)

[..] use xenopronouns for 1st and 3rd person pronouns. For 3rd person pronouns, do not use any pronouns, instead call me person, user, being, someone, or animal, but only if animal isn’t used as an insult or to bring one down.

Wanna make this clear, that when [..] say people or person, am not just talking about humans. Even we, us, our is never used by person to talk exclusively about humans. People can include anything.

Honestly, just don’t refer to me by my username.

Honorific less which means no honorifics at all!

Don’t use the words dude, girl, boy, woman, man, cutie, handsome, gorgeous, honey, bot, weird, sexy, hot, any religious words, any ableist word, any downgrading words nor any obviously gendered words on [..]

Oh! And don’t give me “tips”, orders or say you should change your pfp

some posts do include harmful stuff, so if bunself rereads them and sees them, I'll try to correct them

now I'm not saying, and never said, that immigrants shouldn't get a place in the industries, what I'm saying is 'take over', 'at the detriment of the citizens'

the lack of self respect is astonishing, radio and liberal media places get given to immigrants, specifically white immigrants (bonus if they're french and vice versa), spots that are refused to struggling locals, struggling at getting known and financial support cause they're given no opportunities

those immigrants get given opportunities on a silver plate, and they either don't realize it or think it's owed to them, what's wrong isn't giving immigrants opportunities, it's that the ones, the institutions, with the most money favor in large french immigrants (who historically are the colonizers) over everyone else

they're handed money, popularity, at least financial and social help, to boost their careers and actually give them one, but locals are denied that help

it's not just at the detriment of locals

it's one thing to boost immigrants and help them, it's another to only help white immigrants from a country that historically, institutionally and still to this day oppresses the local (place), and also never help BIPOC immigrants either (especially if Indigenous)

it's colonial mentality, viewing yourself and your own culture as the peasants, inferiors, shameful to the ones colonizing you, brainwashing you and posing as superior

when locals tell y'all "get out of here, we don't want you here", it's not just xenophobia, there's historical, cultural and systematic reasons for it, and y'all refusing to see it is willful ignorance and refusing to respect the culture, and the people's reality is peak colonialism (colonizer mindset), it's disrespectful

you can't just come in a place, be all disrespectful, inconsiderate, and even invalidating, and expect everyone to respect you, put you on a pedestal and not get told awful things to your face or behind your back

that's anywhere, you can't compare the situation to let's say the USA, cause the country is built off of immigrants, the immigrants aren't really the ones in power, they don't hold the power, if they're given power it's cause they're given power by the rich, cis, white men

the upper class in Quebec is the immigrants and was for most of its colonial history, from the British to the French and whoever else had money, the local ones in power never made sense (the more international they can be, gives them more power, but somehow they never had nor will have power like the American billionaire class because they give out everything but it will never be given to them since they're not American, they're oppressed people or erased) idk if you get what I mean but I'm trying to formulate it understandably

The world should be equal and right now, that's not what we have

The wave of anti-immigration in Quebec, and deportations, isn't due to blatant, and exclusively, xenophobia, compared to other provinces and places in the world, it's cause it was forced by the colonizers, Anglophones, who still have power over Quebec itself (there's cultural, generational trauma associated to that and intrisic to the culture), ignoring the cultures, desires, needs, and cries for help and justice by the citizens of Quebec, framing it as exclusively xenophobia and "bad" is willful ignorance and fake leftism/feminism

It's not equality if it's at the detriment of people, and historically oppressed at that

and i will never shut up about it

i will die on this hill, people need to acknowledge this

the reason this isn't written in "french" is cause tumblr is just mostly english

quebec people are not inferior, not to the british/anglophone canadians, not to the french, not to the americans, not to the immigrants (a recent mindset "leftists" scared of not being accepted and already not feeling respected, who have lost hope and self respect usually, have adopted: putting every ethnicity, but themselves, on a pedestal above them), to no one

and it really says something when i see montrealers, continuously, fight harder for palestinian rights than they ever had or want to for first nations' rights. why are you fighting harder for a country on the other side of the world, than people on your own stolen land you currently occupy, who have endured and survived that for centuries? /rh (don't twist my words into something i didn't say, i never said to not stand up for palestinian rights, but rather that the energy you put into it should be at least equal to the one you put for first nations' rights here)

you are not superior cause you now accept, and try to pretend everyone does so too, mistreatment from those who colonize you

you feel disrespected by anglophones and the french? PUT THAT ENERGY ON THEM, not on attacking oppressed communities, any BIPOC you can think of and blaming them for problems, caused by historical and modern colonizers, they have never perpetuated (or if they've fallen victim to it, the colonizer mindset, going doing racism on them for it is not okay)

the internet isn't safe anymore to be quebecois, it never was, but it was more safe before than it is now, now all they want is the palatable colonized ones with the colonial mentality

think about it, who is they? you don't have to give it to them

reclaim yourself, your culture, your values, your self worth and self respect

*btw side note, i should add this here since i never make posts about quebec except right now: "[...] de souche" is a racial dogwhistle, i think many of y'all need to do a big education on racism, anti-racism, anti white supremacy, cause i see many of y'all get an uprise in covert racism and willful ignorance over the past few years, partly because of the mistreatment from governments about immigrantion, partly because of the way y'all get mistreated

don't gaslight yourself into thinking that "quebecers are wrong, racist, not oppressed people, should shut up", NO

i realized and admitted the most obvious: tiktok brought up my trauma, it created trauma, a difficult time in my life, participated in causing my burnout, my depression, my constant overwhelm, overstimulation and rejecting other people who tried to approach me. tiktok did that, along with hurting my self esteem, self worth, sense of self.

all at 14-16

some mentally ill people on there actually made me believe i was unworthy of living, then i realized it wasn't true, that it was just bullshit, when people over a year or so later called it out, in their own ways, promoted love, self love, self worth and made me love myself, taught me love which i've never been taught and when i felt like i learned enough from tiktok (from going there like an hour or two or three, once every week, weeks or months), i deleted the app and never looked back

recently, i paid more focus on myself, cause other apps (addictions again) made me feel like shit and treat me like shit, i thought about how TIKTOK taught me to promote to myself and treat myself like that daydreaming, derealizing, depersonalizing, even dissociating to an extent, that's how my first derealization-depersonalization experience originated, through tiktok, people gaslighting on there, promoting it, encouraging it and commonizing it

i still have a lot to unlearn and unpack, today i realized that my "popular self" (fantasy self projection of non-existent past self that "could have been" (actually not), in my head, that actually reflects my craving for love and acceptance, but it's not all of it) was created by social media, tiktok specifically, putting popular people on a pedestal, the ones you have face to face in your life, not online (because that never impacted me that much, the online-centered propaganda), is something i've learned from tiktok, a "hierarchy" that didn't exist in my life, that's not how i saw kids at school, my classmates, my schoolmates, never, that's not how MY CULTURE, my home, my hometown, my school, my region, my country works, and yet american (and other) teens told me otherwise, reinforced this idea, which is a lie, that it was my reality when it wasn't. even while there's an "implicit hierarchy" with my people, it's mostly focused on equality, and the ones that do get bullied and ostracized, it's either unfortunate or rooted in actual systemic, institutional and societal oppression. they were never about hierarchies, whatever the american media wants you to believe about high schools, my people saw people as people, even if superficial (at times, or most of the times for some), labeling them came from tiktok, not my people, my actual people, my culture, my actual culture, my actual thought process, my thought process, my values, my beliefs, my parents.. tiktok gaslit me about my own life, my own life experiences, my own perception of reality, my own reality, my own culture and my own people, wtf!?

addiction is never healthy, escapism is an unhealthy "coping" mechanism, and fiction and the media is an addiction propaganda, they want to make money off of your addiction (which is an illness), you running away from reality, your feelings and from real human connections, it's isolating

don't put addiction, in any way, shape or form, on a pedestal (like fiction and escapism, like how they're doing with vapes, or how they once were with cigarettes and alcohol, or sugar even)

f them

there's a difference between healthy storytelling (traditional storytelling, they're all short stories used for teaching a morale) (for it to be healthy you also have to recognize that it's fiction, stories and not real), and the harmful bs media and some people market at you

they try to force you to "escape", get addicted to media, listen to fiction, dissociate and derealize (eventually), just to keep capitalism and the status quo of the systems

sex work isn't "selling yourself", "selling your body", it's sexually objectifying yourself and selling sex, sure, but it's not selling yourself

to call sex "oneself" or "one's body" is disgusting and reducing, reducing the person, the whole person, themselves, their whole body, behavior, feelings, thougths to sex

can you see how it regurgitates the same puritan, sexualitist rhetoric that is against sex itself and naked bodies? they're the ones sexualizing bodies, not bodies, not sex itself, it's attitudes, words, internalized beliefs, brainwashing that does

the body isn't sexual, you cannot reduce a body to a specific, sexual, feeling and an act, naked bodies should never be sexualized, you should check out and learn about nudism for that reason, it's anti-sexualizing bodies themselves

who lied to you? the church, or whatever other religious institution that puts sex as this negative thing, who then lied to your ancestors or community, who then lied to your parents or others in your social circle (or in the media) who then lied to you and taught you wrong, without unlearning, or even realizing and questioning, their internalized harmful beliefs

you can be against porn, sexual violence, sexual exploitation and even sex work without falling into and promoting puritan, sexualitist, and often misogynistic rhetoric

and that's without mentioning that reducing oneself, the concept, idea and literal act of it, comes from white supremacy, the colonizer's mindset as in colonialism

i've nearly always punished myself, it's not new, i would punish myself when someone would harm, like my mom yelling at me anf disrespecting me again, i'd not eat (i wanted to, but didn't allow myself to), to physically show the effects of her mistreatment to me, the harm and pain, that i wouldn't compromise and i would do that to myself for her to stop

now, my self respect is gone, again, idk why

WHY DO I KEEP SECOND GUESSING MYSELF AND MANIPULATING MY OWN SELF LIKE THAT?! that's unhealthy, not desired, and why would i treat myself this way when i would treat nobody else this way

but being confident makes me uncomfortable

maybe it's cause i'm unused to it and haven't been in years, or that when i am i don't see things change much and i still have no or little friends, still get put below others, like wtf

as in: in my posts i wanna use no capital letters or . but that makes paragraphs with multiple sentences hard to read, or cut in pieces, like i end up with super long sentences only separated by commas or () that seem to never end

and it's annoying

experimenting with my writing, i found that i copy ai text, which is awful cause i hate ai text, it's weird and all the time plus it's disingeneous to my real self expression

and i know ai text can be annoying, it's weird, and people point out that it's weird, apparently ai text seems to be a lot of capital letters, emojis and dashes, which is surprising (except for the dash part), the only ai writing i was exposed to and could tell was ai was the one with the —, the weird words nobody uses (the complex stuff that i expect to hear in a dictionnary but that is somehow? simple enough that when i look up for the definition (on google especially) the ai resume of it seems understandable and like it could be used (weird)), the weird, nonnatural, phrasing and pacing, the artifical wording of stuff humans actually wrote (and it's either copy/paste or a reframing), the totally-not-understanding-human-feelings and confusing simple concepts a human would get

and that also made my writing more confusing, by trying to distance myself and differentiate myself, be unique, my writing and phrasing became more confusing, like an autistic way (*there's no autistic way, but yk what i mean?), in a way i don't naturally speak, but my autism shows a ton, yet somehow it doesn't fit at all, i'm vibrant and tend to be clear (to an extent, i grew up with people with intellectual disabilities) so why is my writing confusing, messy and ai-like? IT'S WEIRD AY CAN'T STAND IT

rereading my old posts and stuff i would write, i even wonder how i could have written that way, cause i feel like i can't anymore

maybe i'm too ai focused, trying to write in a way that AI would understand, like wtf, why would i seek and search for AI's approval, when AM HUMAN, not a bot

i wanna talk to humans, nature, NOT AI, ever

i can't stand it, it's frustrating, upsetting and confusing, i feel like i lost my old way of doing things and i'm grieving it cause it was nature, not fake

WHAT HAPPENED

PLUS i seem to write as unemotionally as i can now, which NOOOO, i want emojis 😭 i want human, i want feelings, cause why do i get berated for using emojis when they're so human, WHY

why life, why

i feel angry

twisting my words, either out of misunderstanding, tiredness or something else, and complimenting me with "you have a beautiful soul" while we're talking and seemingly developping ideas, but then ignoring me when i add to it and respond, isn't okay, also it's confusing

"you have a beautiful soul" implies you wanna have a conversation and continue talking doesn't it? /genq

so why do the opposite? /rh why cut off the conversation like that, ignore me, my words and just stop it when you imply that

think about it, if someone told you that, while sharing complex thoughts, wouldn't you wanna talk to them more, right then?

why is it that when someone voices any opinion similar to that, they often get silenced with hatred? do they feel hatred and anger at the systems of oppression, or do they feel hatred and anger at the very act of calling systems of oppression they themselves reproduce without question out?

with the great replacement theory of what canada has been doing for the past decade and more, the government continuing to ignore first nations' voices and rights (they should have, not that they necessarily legally have), could it be that the government is yet again, still trying to replace first nations instead? / that's a question for critical thinking.. i do get the feeling that the government is in fact trying to replace all canadians that were there before 2015, even white people, but it seems more like they don't care about them, us, than trying to replace us. cause if they were trying to replace us, why not just kiIl us? to actively try to replace us, they'd have to and have to care about us in the first place. with all the new policies, the government trying to copy the states and turn right-wing and remove rights, all the taxes, the stolen money, the silencing, the lack of action, change and listening to the people, the lack and degradation of needed public services, the rising prices in everything (the housing and the price just for food, FOOD, when both should be free), what impression does it give its people?

still on with canada, the government lies, it lies to immigrants before they choose to become immigrants, lying about the state canada is in, embellishing it, to attract them, lies by omission, embellishment, gaslighting.. it all seems like a corporate lie, like the same exact tactics capitalist brands and corporates use to gaslight people and make them buy their products and make profits. that makes ay think that it's exploitation they're buying, cheap labor (modern-day slavery and exploitation), the rich, a class of businesspeople and people who can help increase profits for corporations. what if all of it was a capitalist lie, that even the ndp, is in about? to "subtly" increase two classes: the rich and the poor; and make the rich richer. "we need immigrants", "we need immigrants", they say? no we don't, the citizens don't want to do those jobs or can't because they're exploitation and there are no current actual services that help with burnout, mental health issues and disabilities; who loses profits when the poor don't show up to work? the upper class. who partially has to pay for health care services? the upper class. who loses profits when the poor get equal rights or respected by the system? the upper class. the government isn't trying to address nor solve our needed public services issues, our rising prices crises, they're deflecting, they're trying to be and turn canada more capitalist, more unequal like the states, and are refusing to take care or its population and pay what needs to be paid (they'd rather keep that money in their pockets, or pay for projects like alberta oil, not caring about the damages to the land, the ecosystem, the environment and the public opinion, as long as they get their pockets filled after that). why are the capitalists so scared of a stagnant population number and a decreasing one? because it's anti-capitalism, it's late stage capitalism and it shows that capitalism is dying, slowly dying, in their stats, they are trying to avoid and stop late stage capitalism and the end of it from happening. it's a known fact that rich celebrities are out of touch, but the rich and politicians are just as out of touch, they can't bare the thought of actually being one of the average, poor citizens (the higher-ups especially)

now back to stuff that applies more globally

most of the time, immigrants, worldwide, become settlers, colonizers, because that's what colonialism and capitalism have made it out to be, have made immigration out to be; and capitalism also encourages settler colonialism

settlers went around the world, to change its land to what they wanted, without regards to the indigenous populations already living there, or to the actual health of the land and ecosystem itself much. today, settler colonialism shows up in modern-day capitalism, with modern-day capitalism, building new houses, buildings, corporates, businesses, pipelines, concrete roads, even fields (land exploitation), on stolen indigenous land, without regards to the still-alive indigenous populations about it, no consultations, no conversations, no consent, no trying to get consent, their ideas, their propositions, their wants, needs or knowledge, their voices about it

settler colonialism shows up in the mentality, ignoring indigenous rights and ancestral knowledge they've been preserving, maintaining, passing down for thousands of years

it's not only american imperialism that attracts immigrants to north america, it's colonialism, it attracts worldwide: usa, canada, latin america, all of south america, oceania, islands, even japan, china, west and south africa, and many more (on different aspects of it: all of "europe"); where settlers have arrived, are known to be and are "accepted" by law, general population and culture to ignore indigenous populations completely

*am not painting immigrants as "bad" or wrong, they're people first and foremost (let's not alienate nor dehumanize them), and i said they can act as such, not that they always necessarily are, no, of course not, this isn't to target nor oppress any group, the point is to point out a much larger problem: settler colonialism, colonialism in and of itself, and colonization and racism, etc, and other systems of oppression

immigrants come from all kinds of backgrounds: rich to poor, that country to that country; if someone rich, especially for business, immigrates to another country, they are much more likely to destroy or damage the land and the ecosystem, than the poor, simply because they have the money and status too (and ressources, power and usually mentality, entitlement and ignorance to the realities of first nations)

it's not just the people who were born on that land and spent their whole lives there, or are descendants of european settlers in the region, who can exploit and destroy the land, with no regards to the natural ecosystem and first nations, it's anyone living there or having the ressources to access it (the land); i'm talking about it, cause they're primarly the ones getting called out for it and they get a voice for it, but the rest shouldn't be silenced or ignored either when it does as much harm (even if it does less, as long as indigenous people and the land aren't respected, it will do harm either way).. to dismantle a system, you have to dismantle and address all aspects

when the poor participates and does that too, it has the same effect, settler colonialism, exploitation of the land, damaging and hurting the ecosystem, disrespecting rights: of indigenous people and all of nature itself

when ignorance about history prevails, the disrespect towards first nations and nature only continues

capitalism needs to go, ignorance must go and the truth and knowledge must come forth to everyone's eyes

i made long paragraphs about preserving our culture "tied" to our language, they completely disregarded that and started the conversation with "the fact that you wrote the language like that proves that you already lost it", stfu, changing spelling isn't losing a language first of all, that's manipulation, gaslighting and just invalidating, completely disregarding our culture preservation, while parading that they are, while attacking my own being, my own self and how i exist, whom I AM from the culture (for example, this wasn't in english, it was some awful shit, i was spelling like i speak, in fact to preserve our culture, like how in aave or black english "the" might be spelled "da", "they" might be spelled "dey", "that" might be spelled "dat", "though" might be spelled "tho" and else, those examples don't just apply to black english or aave and they might add their own dialects, their own verb usage and phrasing, their own words they made up for themselves)

so i responded with how it's not killing our culture and blah blah blah, i forgot, and at the end that it's elistism and classism (knowing that if i also mentionned ableism they would not listen, and might even attack me more extremely), and then they responded again, and that's when they started saying, equating culture to colonial spelling

that fucking colonizer mindset, gets me so mad

that's what all their paragraphs were about, twisting my words, my arguments (i was also tired and not feeling like arguing so i didn't say everything and put all my energy into it), i went on and said that culture ≠ fucking spelling, that that's not what culture is, for a few paragraphs, that a culture is not written language (it would be ridiculous to equate your culture to a written language too, that would mean you have no culture, actually, which i didn't say, culture is so much more than that), it was so ridiculous the gaslighting, the energy they made me put into this, and they themselves poured into (literally responded to everything within 10 minutes, with a paragraph, took notes from my pragraphs about my "spelling mistakes", fuck u /ntargeted) and how they completey ignored all of my points (especially that it's elitism and classism) while expecting me and trying to force me to change my mindset to theirs, fucking shit

for hours, they even nitpicked on my spelling, ignoring all the instances i used it correctly, my specific word choice like how i changed "you" to "u" (once, those are equivalents in english) and used the "useless" like, like they said, slang, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT PRESERVING A CULTURE IS, LANGUAGE EVOLVES, SLANG AND USING SLANG PRESERVES A LANGUAGE, it's not my fault your elite ass feels offended that i sound "too poor, young and disabled" for you

i even brought up how creole and haitian creole specifically was created and preserved through breaking the chains, not by appealing to some colonizers and arbitrary, made up language rules, that they chose their own spelling and that's how it helped and helps them

i brought up mandarin, that they simplified the spelling to preserve it (AND THAT NOBODY WOULD WRITE IT IF THEY DIDN'T AND THAT THE SIMPLIFICATION IS WHAT FUCKING SAVED IT (i didn't actually say that, i told them that they can easily find info on that on the internet, they didn't even acknowledge it))

they acknowledged the point about creole and refused to make the connection with our language and our spelling, refused to

the gaslighting, the brainrotting

(i told them, written language is a tool that can help preserve culture, not that it's culture itself, too, they didn't listen on that nor acknowledged that either)

at some point, i gave up and said "we won't agree", i wasn't gonna let them win or think that i agree in any way by not responding, ever, "but it's okay to not agree on that", something like that (which made them seemingly stop responding), BUT NO IT'S NOT, because they're propagating harmful, bullshit, brainrotted, colonizer, childist, ableist, elitist, classist, disgusting behavior, i unconsensually "gave up" cause i was tired that they were not listening and trolling me, gaslighting, bringing nothing, ignoring everything i say, twisting my arguments, that was disgusting

they did it so much that they gaslighted me that and made me feel like it's "incorrect" and wrong to not have colonizer, white, "pristine", elite spelling, IT'S NOT WRONG, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH SPELLING "MISTAKES", CHANGING SPELLING, LANGUAGES EVOLVES AND HAS EVOLVED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS, STOP AND DON'T ACT LIKE IT STOPPED IN THE 1900s AND THAT ITS GONNA BE THE SAME FOR THE REST OF THE YEARS AND THE NEXT 2000 YEARS, WTF

you didn't spell wrong, they gaslighted, gaslit, you for long periods of time, refused to listen to you or any reality and "proof" around you, which is another form of gaslighting and manipulation, they were just doing disrespect, mistreatement, ableism, classism, childism, elitism, colonialism and "tried" to act like the police to your own culture and your own self expression, wtf

🫪 that was their mind 🫪, my mind was like 🏃🫯, theirs was bloated 🫂🤝

they were literally trying to repress your own slang and culture, self-expression, if that isn't code policing and oppression

i used to write out of a place of being an animal, being always right (deep down, not that "right" exists, but my being), creating, creativity, self and mutual or collective respect, thinking, loving, a place of love, i still love, but it's not the same anymore

i focused on myself, when i wrote tumblr posts, they weren't always positive, and that's okay, it's okay for them to be negative, but they were made while i felt human, was treated as such, was figuring myself out differently, was treated with respect in my life (apart from the abuse), and if i ever criticize or insulted someone or a group (i never insulted, but rather brought down), it wasn't a lot, it wasn't blaming them for my problems, it was to make myself feel better, or safer and happier in a way

but now.. i bring people and groups down just to make myself feel better than them, paint them as "bad people", blame them, out of unresolved/repressed/suppressed anger, even if they're my people's colonizers and they are to blame and be called out for lots of issues they're bringing, it's not just their fault, it's on my own people too, they hold responsibility

i can see various reasons for this

even my pattern recognition skills are degrading, because the collective brainrot is horrendously pervasive

*in no specific order

1. being out of touch with my feelings and suppressing, repressing them, parts of it is due to the total lack of validation in my circle, the way my mom started abusing my sibling, over again, with emotional invalidation, constantly, and me, and i hear that all the time, being not listened to; feeling like i'm yelling for help, to be heard, for this and that and "nobody" hears it (even online)

2. being taught to not get attached to things and people, it wasn't a thing back then, and it was reinforced by people, but it's mostly from my own brain trying to protect myself, cause i've been feeling hurt and crying over 6 friends i "lost" over 4 months ago, from them not showing up in my life, for me, for anything about me (and i still call them friends?), so i repress myself, my feelings, my pain, how much I CRAVEEE that they send me a text and show that they care, for months, cause who else do i have anymore besides them? my family? that's not the same. they don't text me (it was me the last time i texted them), so i picked up on it and struggled so hard to not text them, cause i love them and talking to them that much, i realized that it's almost always me doing all the talking, texting first, getting excited, and they seemed to maybe gradually care less and less, so i pulled away (with difficulty) to see how long, if they'll ever, text back (or first), they didn't, haven't yet; the amount of energy i spend on this

3. being called bots and "npc" online, or irl even, the fact that now humans dehumanize others humans, and themselves, and hurt themselves and others, by calling people bots and npc's, nearly everywhere, is disgusting and harmful, it's dehumanizing, unhealing, and not only do you lower your and everyone else's self esteem by doing that, you literally gaslight people that they're bots, including yourself; and that rubbed off on me, i always deny it in my head or out loud and never do that, but coming out of a traumatizing deeply unhealthy escapism period, where i spent so much time and energy doing unhealthy escapism (all escapism is unhealthy, but i'll add to that another day) that i ended up in danger mode, constantly, severe dissociating, for months, never processing any feeling and severe depersonalization and derealization, i need and need healing from that, that gaslit me and made me feel like i'm a bot; I'M A HUMAN, AN ANIMAL, NATURE, NOT A BOT; i'm a fucking human healing, give me that healing, welcome that healing, not that toxicity

4. the use of the word "evil" for everything and that kinda thing, it was just some kinda xtians who did that, not everyone, not as common, where practically every single place i go that talks about anti-capitalism and corporations they use the word "evil", "evil" doesn't exist, stop doing that, plus just a few years ago people would actually call what it is, wrong, that they're doing wrong, they were forgiving, now they're in the "trump" "evil" mindset? wtf, that's not okay, everyone is a human being capable of critical thing, corporates aren't alive either nor is ai don't humanize either of them, they aren't

5. all the "critical thinking" content i see is brainrotted, either it's not critical thinking and just religious stuff, either it's nihilism and kinda religious stuff too, i'm not religious! stop, that's not critical thinking, that's indoctrination and nihilism, we need actual critical thinking

6. i make much less efforts communicating, speaking, in my word choice, because others don't; why would i make efforts to make it complex and "critical thinking", "well thought" when you treat others like shit and constantly call them names or whatever other insults you throw at them? /rh besides, i've tried showing love, making points, for years, but people barely listen if at all, most don't register it (some totally understand it, love it, love them for it, but they're not the majority, not the ones i'm exposed to and am stuck interacting with)

7. i'm lonely, it's hard not to be angry when you're fucking angry and nobody, no friends, family yells at you and insults you (called me a literal broom for not being in the mood and not responding "critically" to what he wants, i had just cried prior to it and was on the verge of crying, i didn't wanna talk), no friends make the effort to talk to you.. i'm not just treated worthless and as worthless, i feel worthless, not the worthful i used to feel and help people feel

8. i've been gaslighted, some of that awful talking shit, is "revenge" of some sorts, for being gaslighted by those same people i'm "attacking", it's wrong, both is wrong, a relationship goes both ways and right now it's only going one way, which is me, receiving and attacking... like.. my feelings.. they matter, i matter, i should not receive your bullshit gaslighting and i should not attack you and only for that to be silenced, ignored and totally unimpacting as if it and i didn't exist and i didn't feel anything, like nothing impacts you anymore, you still care, so why do you? it's so alienating and dehumanizing

we need to heal collectively

it's so hard to put emotions into it and out there, not cause it's hard to, but because emotionless is common wherever i see it, spaces promote not using emojis, insult or criticize emojis and colors, feelings, never use emotions in their wordings, it's so fucking awful 🤬😤😩😫😰😥 LET ME FEEL AND HAVE TO 🫨😵‍💫🤕☹️😢

i knew my take was gonna be controversial (especially since i was trying to bring the point of not commonizing emotional invalidation, toxicity and repression), but they degrade and dehumanize me in all kinds of the most hurtful ways people from my own culture could have done

i'm crying, and for a whole 30 minutes i felt so unsafe, my adrenaline so high, that i was violently shaking for that long

and the mean posts that bash people get upvoted and encouraged

you might say "that's what reddit is like" but it's so hard to believe it for me, cause that's real people behind screens, telling beings that, no regards to their feelings, i feel like any space humans are supposed to be human, not toxic and mean, harmful, wrong bots

that's why i'd wanted to emigrate to other countries, other cultures, to save myself, cause they seem so much nicer "but my people are friendly" is such a lie, and then they wonder why our culture is disappearing when people like me call it out, point out the problems we get silenced and/or ignored

can you comfort me in comments or something?

this is so hurtful 😢😭

like i'm scared, traumatized, i have deep issues, so i can't carry the whole world's weight issues on my back, but the way some people act, like they are so deeply insecure that they need constant validation and reassurance, i feel like i'm the one who should provide it cause i "can" and know how, but it's not mentioning how mentally, emotionally exhausting and unrealistic that is, people have to go on their own journeys of healing, self-validation, emotional validation (and not alone, with other people, the help of others, but multiple people, never one), it hurts

like i don't have to carry the whole world on my back, but what will it take for people to finally fucking heal and get social skills and start socializing?

i have my own hard time socializing, mostly because i just traumatized, gaslit myself and "survived" in so much fiction recently (and harmful roleplaying) that i got traumatized, addicted, heavily gaslighted, heavily disconnecting, constantly not processing my feelings (for months, more like a year or so), dissociating and depersonalization-derealization (and acting like i'm not me), now i've put a stop to it and slowly coming back to reality more and more and being more myself, and regaining power, healing that, but that takes time, and i spent so much time in escapism that i feel like my thoughts "aren't up to date anymore" hence why i keep rejecting them, which is so harmful, cause of course they're up to date, they're thoughts, they're present, it's not cause the last time i heard someone say this real truth was 4 years ago, that it makes it any less true

i have to regain confidence in myself and stop consuming influencer bullshit content (the one that gets pushed on me by social media)

i'm so annoyed

i just want my brains back, but to get that i have to allow it to be back and my thoughts to exist and my fucking deep, and awesome, feelings (i'm hypersensitive) to exist and be expressed and felt

i just feel lonely like i have no one to turn to right now, cause back then i did, but now.. social media has taken on such a harmful scale on such a huge scale (amount of people) that it's hard to find that, that support, even in my own family, my own "friends" (i would call them friends, except they're not here when i need them, only if i'm feeling really really not it, like once every 3 months, not more than that, never start conversations on their own and i feel like i'm the only one keeping the friendship alive, so they're not really friends, if i have to do all the work and we don't talk even once in 3 months, repeatedly back to back)

it's hard

i know i'm not alone tho, i never am, support is out there, i just have to find it or make it, with my own family for example

it's gonna be long, take time

siblings have so much chemistry and so much that they were the first i spotted as having genuine chemistry while growing up (i spent most of my early life not knowing what "chemistry" was, but eventually learned), it's just so awful to see the forced, performative, fabricated romance get called "chemistry" most of the time, and then genuine chemistry being mislabeled as "romantic"

it's not romantic!!! do you see siblings as having romantic attraction towards each other just cause they have chemistry? no!

tf not

i'm tired, friends often have chemistry and yet they don't get labeled as "romantically attracted to each other" and shipped, whatever that means, unless they're cis and male x female, LIKE?! hello?! that's just heteronormativity right there

i see genuine people having chemistry and i find it awesome as a viewer to see, it makes me more comfortable, but then i see comments shipping them romantically... ruins the whole thing, it makes me feel angry too, like come on, let them live, no need to apply your "self insert romance" onto them and bullshit ideas you've been taught

it's like that performative, forced, fabricated romance i mentioned, the one some salsa dancers or some acrobats do, (usually couples), it's like so blatantly performative and forced (even if they do have genuine chemistry, it's just performative romance) that i don't understand at all how some people get turned on by it and fawn over it, like.. it's not cute or pretty, it's just a forcibly intense performance

i don't think many people realize how much of romance is just fake, and performative bullshit done out of social pressure and conformity one's been heavily taught into

i hate it

and i've been forced into it too 😠 like me and my friend (he's a cis guy, while people ahem assume and assign me as _ a certain thing (i'm trans so don't wanna say it), got shipped cause we had chemistry?? like come on now, me and him (well idk about him) both know that we don't have romance nor sexual tension going on lmao wtf, we're just friends, vibing cause we're from the same culture, live nearby, are both autistic, both get a little tossed to the side for being different from the others, "norm"

it's so annoying