Setsuu~ 8D

My greatest recent regret is ever confessing to someone. Sure we didn't fall out or anything shitty like that. Instead, I got something worse. Every action I do that correlates to her will always be somehow my attempt to control her. So I’m just viewed as someone who is overly obsessed with said person and constantly trying to control said person. I’m tired. I really am. You are not the only one with friends who tell you to remove him from your life. I get told the same too. It’s always about perspective and no matter how neutral we try to sound biased-ness will occur.

You are a wonderful person, you really are. That’s why i know for a fact that i will never stop having feelings for you. I very well knew this risk when i started talking to you again. I asked a straightforward question when I began talking to you again, “Will you be responsible for my feelings if I ever fall for you again?” because I’m fully aware of the risk. I was made aware of your answer back then too and never forgot till this day.

I told you my feelings out of necessity because i feel like it would be stupid to hide it from you. I told you don’t think too much about it. Maybe that was too much to ask from you. You certainly seemed to over think everything i do after that day...

I’m tired. I want to spoil myself. I don’t need to throw my niceness, care and concern to other people and have to deal with shitty assumptions. I like helping people whenever i see it within my abilities of what i can do. I don’t need a reason to help people. I don’t need a motive to help people. All i want is to be respected like a normal human being when I’m trying to help you. Not someone who is obsessed with you and doing things to gain points from you.

If my purpose was to gain points from you. Scolding you and quarreling with you is certainly not the way to do it. I really don’t need to deal with these things just to be nice to someone. Sure i may sound crude at times but that is literally me. I would be sarcastic to anyone and everyone. It’s a problem but it’s also my personality. If you take that sarcasm as an implication that I’m trying to control you. Well I’m sorry I guess.

Well I don’t think this rant will ever reach her so I don’t know. For now, I’m just going to black out myself out of twitter. I need a break. spoil myself. listen to good music. watch some good anime. maybe cry.