Serotonin Overdoses

I need somehow to fix myself. There’s so much wrong in my life now... I can’t have a healthy relationship. I can’t let new people in my life, I’m so scared to do it... I’m so scared to trust people. Feel like all of them have a knife ready to stab me on the back... maybe they do. It’s so ambiguous... to want to feel alive and dead at the same time. Is that possible? Look the world outside, do it look okay? How do you sleep knowing every single shit going on out there?

I said “ok”. The truth is that it wasn’t ok. What she said just teared my heart. Was like I drowned into a sea of insecurity. Am I supposed to swallow it all? Or just pretend that I didn’t had any feeling about what she was saying? Anhedonia couldn’t be more helpful this hours... don’t feel the pleasure or the pain. Was a mistake try to use you to fill up the holes... to put that much energy on it.