Give me the strength to feel...

"..."

Now that... got him.

“I’m sorry…Your friend didn’t make it.”

It was all that was ringing in his head, all that he could hear as he attempted to walk back home. The doctors had to pretty much pry him away from the still warm body, his face completely dirty and blotched from crying so much in the hospital, that he just felt... lost. It took everything in him to keep it together, at least until he made inside, right to his room.

Tick. Tock.

Silence.

He wanted to think about something else, anything else! A precious memory, the ring he was given, their nights together in bed... anything! No... all he could see was the body on the hospital bed. All he could hear was the tone of the flatline.

"I lost him... I lost him!"

Leaning against the closed door, he slid down to the floor, bringing his knees to his chest, tears stinging in his eyes once again.

"I should have been faster. I should have helped him more! If only this magic awakened quicker! I could have healed him! I could have saved him!"

The memories of his Beloved began to flood in his mind. Laughter, hugs, the ring, their shared nights in bed... all of them.

"I lost him! I failed him! I couldn't protect him. I failed to protect my wish."

His wish to return to the Modern World. To reunite with his friends, and make new ones. To live the life he wanted. But...

"How... how can I live the life I want when those I care about are gone? Why... be here if I'm going to be alone? I don't want to be alone...!!!"

He could hear something shatter in his room. Sounded like glass. Startled, he stood up, noticing the mirror in his room... cracked. Confused, he walked up to it, looking at the cracked reflection, even putting a hand to it. Though... the more he looked, the more he could see it. A trail of red, coming from the reflection's neck, even some on... it's hands--

"What?!"

The mirror shattered completely, shards exploding all around him. He shielded his eyes in reflex, and once he was able to open them... there was no bedroom. Darkness. All around.

"What happened? Where am I?" He called out. "What's going on?"

There was a brief moment of silence, before an oddly familiar voice rang out.

You tell me.

Atem gasped. That was his voice! But as he looked around... there was no one. "Who's there? Show yourself!"

What do you mean? You said it yourself. You're all alone.

"I'm... all... alone...?" Atem mimic'd the voice.

Of course. You failed him, remember? You hesitated. You were too late. You were powerless to save him. You were weak.

"I... I did hesitate. But... that was because I was scared. I didn't believe what I was seeing. That I..." He looked at his own hands, eyes widening when he saw blood, all over his hands, dripping onto the ground.

You let him die. You failed him.

"No... I... I was trying to save him! I wanted to save him, not let him die!" He didn't want to hear any more of his own voice talking back to him, filling his head with such garbage! "Enough! Show yourself right now!"

So eager to find the truth, Pharaoh. Does this voice not sound familiar? It should. It belongs to you, just as it belongs... to me.

"Impossible." Atem spat back. "There's no way that you could possibly be me!"

There was a pause before the voice gave a chuckle.

Interesting. You hesitated because you showed fear. That's why he died. You hesitate now when you ask who I am, perhaps because you show that same fear? Hmm... Who am I, if not one who shares your voice?

The voice didn't give Atem a chance to respond, instead appearing before a blinding green light, causing Atem to shield his eyes. Once he was able to see, he finally saw upon the figure who was speaking to him... only to see a copy... of himself? An exact copy, except for...

"That circle... it can't be!"

I told you, Pharaoh. You and I share the same voice. Should it not make sense that we also share the same visage?

"You are not me!"

It hurts, doesn't it? The pain of losing someone important to you, just as I have caused someone important to me to disappear. You wished to live a life of your own, creating memories, did you not? You honestly think that only means the good memories? No. The guilt of losing someone precious to you, just as we have done before... you cannot escape it.

The figure raised its hand, causing mirror like shards to surround Atem. Each shard containing the replayed images of that fateful night: holding Joey in his arms, stopping the blood with his hand, frantically calling for help, following Joey to the hospital, waiting outside the Emergency Room, being told that he didn't make it.

"Stop!" Atem cupped his ears and fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face. "Stop this! I don't want to be reminded of--"

To make new memories, remember? You will never forget. You will always be reminded of your failure, your loneliness, your solitude. But... there is one way out...

The figure reached a closed fist out towards Atem. Once opened, it revealed a familiar green stone in its hand.

When there's nothing left... there is always power.

"That's enough!!" Atem shouted, breaking through the mirror shards, causing the reflection to step back. "You are not me! You are a monster, and I will make sure you never corrupt me ever again!"

The reflection scoffed, looking not at Atem, but at the tears still rolling down his cheeks.

Hiding behind your weakness, I see? No matter. I've made you aware of your own darkness, your own guilt, and sooner or later you will not only admit it, but embrace it. You were a creature of darkness, and you will forever remain a creature of darkness, no matter how many new lives you try to wish into existence.

The figure started to fade away, causing the darkness to dispel and the bedroom to reappear. Atem, confused, looked around before feeling a tug to his chest. Grasping, he just allowed himself to collapse on the bed, attempting to calm himself.

It seemed that the talk about death... or rather, him overhearing what little conversation he wanted to hear still was lingering in his mind. So much so that as soon as he got home he didn't slip into his nighttime wear like he usually did. Instead, as soon as he shut his apartment door he found himself staring at the duel disk on the bookshelf - a duel disk with a deck already loaded. Oh he knew exactly what deck that was; he had that deck built for a long, long time. With the thoughts still swimming in his mind he grabbed the duel disk and headed out, not bothering to let anyone know. This wasn't their burden to bear.

He made a note to never do it at the gravesite; he knew the other would look down on him with either pity or sympathy, neither of which he never felt he deserved. A toxic trait, he was well aware of. It's why he never let it out in the open. But on this seemingly quiet night, while others were doing... who knows what, Atem felt it opportune to slip away to just... let it out? No, he never called it that. Call it... being selfish. That seemed more fitting.

A quiet hill, away from the chaos of the city, lit by a street lamp or two and the moon and stars themselves he arrived, tossing his coat aside and letting whatever winds sting his bare arms as he wore a familiar sleeveless black shirt in place of his casual wear.

Click.

The snapping of the arm lock as he placed the familiar duel disk on, the quiet removal of the deck as he looked through the crafted deck, pulling out a card here and there, until he had a handful of cards - about five. It was then that he looked up, a small nighttime breeze beginning to form, before he let out a shaky breath and flipped a switch, the lights on the duel disk turning on.

The first card was set onto the disk.

An orange youthful dragon appeared in front of him, sputtering energetic noises, it was ready to fight!

A second card...

A clock looking creature, gears and ticking about. The little orange dragon seemed to know this one quite well as it gave an energetic wave the moment it was summoned.

A third card...

An armored knight, encased in iron, assumed a battle pose... before stopping. It, along with the clock creature and the young dragon, appeared confused and began looking around. They were ready for battle, but... there was no opponent. They turned around to see...

The fourth card. A swordsman draped in red and blue, crossing his arms and just looking forward, out towards the city nightscape. Unlike the other three, this one was still, maintaining a calm expression, almost as if he's been summoned like this before.

Then, finally, the winds began to pick up. The flapping of wings as in front of all of them - the four creatures and Atem himself - a black dragon appeared.

Opening its red eyes it opened its wings, causing a gust of wind to blow through the hills, before turning around to the duelist who summoned it. The duelist who summoned all five of them. All the other creatures followed the black dragon as they too looked at the duelist that summoned them, the young dragon and clock creature looking the most confused.

"I know... I know what you might be thinking." Atem finally spoke, as quiet and as... controlled as he possibly could. He kept his eyes locked in on every single one of the monsters that he summoned with as much steel and resolve as he could, despite his eyes showing the complete opposite.

"I understand the confusion. I get it. I'm... I'm not him. I'm not your rightful Duelist. The True Duelist you all have chosen. I know I could never replace him, and..." He felt his throat tighten a bit as he swallowed it down and placed a hand on his chest to keep him focused... and composed. "... I know you all are probably well aware of how... poorly I've treated my own monsters. Harmed them, betrayed them, corrupted them with dark magics, abused them... but... mark my words..." He could feel his lips start to quiver and his eyes start to water. Hold them back; they don't deserve the pathetic show of weakness. Not now.

"With your True Duelist watching me from above I will never... ever dare to treat you as anything less than the special companions you are! I know he'd want nothing more than to see his precious monsters continue to thrive in the game that he enjoyed. That... I enjoy. Your True Duelist's memory deserves to be honored and remembered, as he entrusted this deck to me I ask you, all of you... will you entrust your strength to me? Will you allow me to be your Duelist?"

There was silence as the monsters seemingly just look at each other, unable to communicate or rather... unable to understand.

A sad smile as Atem let out a dejected chuckle.

"Heh... that's right. I'm not him. I'm not your Duelist. We've barely started our bond so... there's no way you could understand me. Heh... It's okay. I can wait. Just know I'll never use you for combat, not at all. I'd never do that to his beloved monsters. I just... wanted to keep his spirit alive and honor his memory by playing the game both he and I love. I want..." His breath hitched as he just raised his head to look up at the night sky, trying to prevent the tears that formed from falling.

Unfortunately, to no avail.

"I want the monsters he loved to still enjoy the game, even when the Truest of Duelists no longer can! I want his deck and his memory to never be forgotten, even though he's no longer here! I want to show the strength, the passion, and the love of the True Duelist who fought to the end... and how much he meant to me."

I FELL ASLEEP WITHOUT POSTING 🙈💦

Widowed.

Divorced.