Journal of the Memes

❝ You think the dark side is scary, you say that to her. ❞  ❝ I activated my lightsaber first. That's not what Jedi do. ❞    ❝ We protect and defend those who can't defend themselves. ❞    ❝ I failed my first test on the whole light side–dark side thing pretty miserably. ❞  ❝ I don't have a title—I'm not a Senator, I'm not a general any longer, I'm not an ambassador. He used my name like an insult.   ❞  ❝ You know what I like about coming to worlds so backrocket that no one watches the news broadcasts? No one ever says, “Hey, you look taller on the 'Net.” ❞ ❝ I won't be the first to die to keep you from winning. ❞  ❝ Your feelings betray you. ❞  ❝ You can't just walk up to a woman and say 'Hello, I've heard about your large bank account, let's get married.' ❞ ❝ No thanks, I don't want to look like a grumpy, thickheaded, craggy-faced old man. ❞  ❝ Yes, of course... ___, roll your eyes for me, would you? I'm out of practice. ❞  ❝ That works for you? I hope you don't expect me to believe that. ❞   ❝ Your lack of faith hurts me. ❞  ❝ When you become a father, you'll discover how much fun that is. ❞  ❝ Sometimes a Jedi must deal with the disappointment of having to tell the truth. ❞  ❝ I'll trust you to improve the story. ❞  ❝ Watch your language. ❞  ❝ Do you really want to take me on right now? I don't recommend it. ❞  ❝ Every generation has its challenges to face, its own battles to win. Why should yours be any different? Running away from your responsibilities won't solve anything. ❞  ❝ So you see, there never was any real danger. All flash—no crash. Everybody happy? ❞  ❝ I'll have my lightsaber... and you can have your blasters... What else could you ask for? ❞  ❝ Sometimes, what we succeed in doing is not exactly what we intended to do. Focus on what you accomplished, rather than on what you merely hoped to do. ❞  ❝ You may begin his training immediately. ❞  ❝ The Force calls each of us differently. ❞  ❝ Be careful who you smile at around here. I'm not ready to be a grandfather. Or even a father-in-law. ❞  ❝ You think you might be happier dispensing caf or sketching caricatures? ❞  ❝ I think you've just been adopted. ❞  ❝ There was a sense to you, when we met, that would not let me fear you. ❞  ❝ Countless others have learned that not fearing ___ can be trouble. ❞  ❝ The Force brought us together, and kept bringing us together until neither of us could deny our destiny to be together forever. ❞  ❝ If you do not take your hands off her, I will take your hands off you. ❞  ❝ That bad? Keep the drinks coming, please. ❞  ❝ I mean regardless. ❞  ❝ I feel... fear and anger. Aggression. Danger. ❞  ❝ The Jedi were the guardians of peace. The servants of the Old Republic, not its masters. ❞  ❝ I was just thinking about how I'm going to have to train them some day. ❞  ❝ Behold, the favorite weapon of Jedi before the invention of the lightsaber - the sledgehammer.❞   ❝ Aghh! What are you doing? ❞  ❝ You are like tempered steel, purposeful and razor-keen. ❞  ❝ Always you shall be in the front rank, a burning brand to your enemies, a brilliant fire to your friends. ❞     ❝ Take comfort in the fact that, though you stand tall and alone, others take shelter in the shadow that you cast. ❞ ❝ I am so glad I found you and didn't kill you. ❞  ❝ Really? And I always thought the reason you left was to join the Rebellion and save the galaxy.❞  ❝ Have you tried cash? Money. A travel case full of credit notes. You know. A bribe. Or make it sound nice. Call it a consulting fee. ❞  ❝ It is, as some admiral once said, a trap. ❞  ❝ Time for you to do one of the six or eight things you do best. ❞  ❝ Well, what happens if you need a diplomat who can also practice philosophy, fight with a lightsaber, and levitate small objects? ❞  ❝ Who else are they going to call but us? ❞  ❝ It's always nice to meet new people and make new enemies. ❞  ❝ If I wanted to tell you, I would, wouldn't I? ❞  ❝ You've got me. I hate that shirt. In fact, I think you're a crummy dresser, period. ❞  ❝ Darling. I love you, you are my life and my light - but If you ever do this to me again I will vape you where you stand. ❞  ❝ He could have called you 'Master'. Like I do sometimes. ❞  ❝ I always play fair. Exactly as fair as my opponents. ❞  ❝ Where did you learn that smile? Have you been practicing in front of a holo of Han Solo? ❞  ❝ It's not about the legacy you leave, it's about the life you live. ❞  ❝ I don't want to discourage your curiosity, but I have to remind you, if something goes wrong, this is an exceptionally embarrassing way to die. ❞  ❝ Stupid, stupid. A big fat diversion—the oldest trick on the list, and I fell for it like some dumb farm kid. ❞  ❝ You can't hear a whisper if you're constantly shouting. ❞  ❝ I've been letting you do the talking, and all it's gotten us so far is an enforced vacation. ❞  ❝ Negotiating is the art of getting what you want. It's not the art of making the other side feel better. ❞  ❝ If they were our partners, we wouldn't need to negotiate. ❞  ❝ Okay, so maybe my best friend's a lizard. ❞  ❝ The wrath of the Empire truly knows no boundaries. ❞  ❝ We can't keep meeting like this, ___. ❞  ❝ When I first met ___, I was under a compulsion to kill him. Generally not a good sign for a lasting relationship. ❞  ❝ He accepted me, as no one else had done before. ❞  ❝ The coming battle may prove their intent. ❞  ❝ I secretly hope he will betray us. ❞    ❝ You mean if we get out of here alive? ❞  ❝ During my training I have witnessed few who dared defy the Empire. ❞  ❝ The desire to be out there saving the galaxy is in your blood so thick I can hear it screaming from here. ❞  ❝ Trust me, my capacity for mayhem is undiminished. ❞  ❝ Service to evil is still evil. ❞  ❝ What you're saying is that doing something wrong isn't really wrong if your motives are good. That's nonsense. ❞  ❝ Sure, why not? I didn't have anything else planned for after lunch. ❞  ❝ Look after my apprentice, won't you? ❞  ❝ I get the proverbial bad feeling about this. ❞  ❝ Don't you people have a conscience? ❞  ❝ Betray me? As in they stab me in the back, or do they just give me a swift kick in the butt? ❞  ❝ Do you wax your beard? It just seems very shiny. ❞  ❝ Your eyes can deceive you, be mindful of your feelings, girls are fun but dangerous, and ____ has extra cards up his sleeve. ❞  ❝ Sorry about my last message. I’ve been assured that whining is a family trait and that I should be over it by the time I'm thirty, but that's not much comfort. ❞  ❝ It’s our job to keep the Force in balance and to help people stay in balance with the Force, to detect wrongs and make them right, and to serve as models for very attractive lines of boots. ❞  ❝ Oh. That's sad. I was looking forward to being called Sparky. ❞  ❝ ___, what's ‘kriffing’? ❞  ❝ I don't think I've ever seen so many brown robes together in one place. It's like a showroom for the world's dullest textile factory. ❞  ❝ You have the manners of a bantha with digestion problems. If you had children, I hope they were raised by piranha-beetles so they'd be nicer than you. ❞  ❝ You know us, practicing the fine family tradition of rescuing people from the dark side. ❞  ❝ I like my body intact, thank you very much. ❞  ❝ You know, it gives me hope that you screwed up so badly and so consistently as a kid. ❞  ❝ How do you feel? Better than you look, I hope. ❞  ❝ Have a peaceful... whatever. ❞  ❝ This, from the man who's worn a bowl-cut hairstyle almost all his adult life. ❞  ❝ If you start to feel evil, tell me as soon as possible. Don't wait and cut my hand off first. ❞  ❝ When the rocks fall, we get out of the way. ❞  ❝ Sorry. I just got tired of hearing the same old phrases, the same old way, year after year. ❞  ❝ Use the same cliché phrases too long and people stop hearing their message, you know? ❞  ❝ Don't feel bad. Civilized politics are even worse. ❞  ❝ What if we're completely wrong? ❞  ❝ A Jedi without a lightsaber is a lot less dashing to the girls. ❞  ❝ Coincidence, or misinterpretation. People hear what they want to hear. Keep it vague enough, and a prophecy or prediction'll fit pretty much anything. ❞  ❝ I've… got a strange feeling... As if… as if I've been here before! ❞  ❝ Is mind reading a new Force power you picked up and forgot to tell me about? ❞  ❝ Don't get killed, ___. ❞  ❝ That's... hardly ever a good thing. ❞  ❝ Oh, but this is nothing like Dagobah, where mold rotted everything, duraplast included, and did it stink. Even my lightsaber blade stank. Food stank. Yoda stank. Distilled water stank, I'm not sure how. ❞  ❝ Great. Should I open the top hatch and hurl rocks at it? ❞  ❝ In the future, I suggest that we only ever fight guys who set up their lairs in posh hotel suites. ❞  ❝ I know, I know... ‘Back in the old days’. Back during the Empire. Back when starships were made of wood. Back when there were no holodramas, just puppet shows. Back when a hypercomm system was a long string stretched between two planets with a durasteel caf cup at either end... ❞  ❝ Let us not devolve into insults. ❞  ❝ You're about to meet a whole bunch of people who not long ago were your sworn enemies and say, “Hi there, I used to be a ___ but I’m not anymore.” I’d be nervous too. ❞  ❝ ___ is no assassin! They’re my best friend. ❞  ❝ Not everything that comes through the freight system is a stock item. ❞  ❝ I apologized, but they didn't accept it. They just used it as an excuse to keep being rude. ❞  ❝ Is politics always like that? Why don't you both say what you mean? ❞  ❝ If they're both afraid of the same thing, why are they on opposite sides? ❞    ❝ Doing the right thing isn't something special. It's the minimum. It's where we start each morning, not where we try to end up one day in the future. ❞    ❝ I have no time for you now. I must first liberate the planet. ❞  ❝ So you're behind this, you poisonous traitor. ❞  ❝ Politics is an ancient and noble calling. Without politicians our societies would descend into anarchy and chaos. ❞  ❝ I'm not claiming the system is perfect. Obviously there's room for improvement. ❞  ❝ Oh yes, what a useful recommendation for my candidacy. “Likes to drive dangerous machines very fast.” ❞  ❝ If I am ever elected Supreme Chancellor of the Senate, I will decree that all Jedi must demonstrate an emotion at least once a year. ❞  ❝ Rumor has it you were hurt defending the spynet facility. ❞  ❝ Of course he did. I believe that's his job description, isn't it? ❞  ❝ ‘Force’ me out of the Order? Was that a pun? ❞  ❝ And you, what does your heart tell you you're meant for? ❞  ❝ Ours is a path of service. We serve justice. ❞  ❝ There is no justifying... my actions. Yet I was saved from darkness. You must believe me. ❞  ❝ The comm system isn't being jammed in the planetary atmosphere. It's being jammed from space. ❞  ❝ I hereby authorize you to be nervous, too. ❞  ❝ Are you thinking that's our way in? ❞  ❝ We have a lot in common, ___. Perhaps we'll meet again. ❞  ❝ I can ask ____. They'll tell me what I want to know. ❞  ❝ I could fly this thing in my sleep. ❞

Bonus: Darth Vader Quotes