Will Jay

he’s a a cruise with his parents to australia where he’s gonna spend a year or so for some reason. can’t remember why but it was job related. his mom is worried that if he spends too long away from her without her constant advice (my mom is also like this lol) he’s going to do something impulsive and ridiculous. 

so, he decides to prank her by pretending to get married to a woman he just met. because he’s obviously so impulsive and ridiculous. so he’s talking to people and stuff and he asks this woman if she’s cool with pretending to marry him to prank his parents. and she says yes. then he goes and talks to the captain and crewmembers and he’s like “i have this ridiculously funny prank where i’m going to pretend to marry this lovely woman to freak out my mom.” and they, of course, reply hell yeah. so like since the first mate has the power to marry people, i guess, he agrees to the fake wedding. 

so at lunch he’s like “mom, dad, this is alyssa. i met her last night and we’re in love and also getting married.” and his mom freaks out and that could be that. but no.

if they’re gonna do this they’re gonna go big or go home.

so, he changes his facebook status to “married to alyssa” and invites all his friends to his wedding in the middle of the ocean. (and they believe him and congratulate him and he’s concerned that his friends think he would really marry a random woman he met like six hours ago) 

now his mom is getting really nervous b/c alyssa (the fake bride) got her friends she was on the cruise to be her bridesmaids. they got the first mate to “marry” then at dinner in front of people. the mom is horrified. 

anyway the next day he goes “just kidding!” and it’s hilarious. but then he has to contact all his friends who were calling him on the phone and stuff to congratulate him to tell them it was an elaborate joke and they all think he’s an asshole and he and alyssa part ways but keep in touch b/c they… actually get along pretty well. 

anyway like a year later they meet up again in boston (i think? big city that wasnt new york) and talk and end up dating for like a year and then end up engaged for real. and now he invites his friends to his real wedding and all their RSVPs essentially say “i’ll show up, but if this is another fake one i’ll fucking murder you” and the mom just flat out didnt believe him for a month because she’s not falling for that again.

and now they’ve been married happily for like three years and they’re expecting their second child who has probably been born by now 

Dalton Rapattoni (video)

I lost my head going for the crown and it’s quite a funny story, but I’ll never write it down they switched my blood, out with ink and wrote a book inside me, thus forcing me to read line by line, rib by rib improper punctuation is puncturing my skin and yeah it hurts, but not too much cause I’ve got an ugly cover, but who are you to judge

this open book an open book another wasted tree an open book an open book with dust to cover me I’m just an open book, that no one wants to read

I got these hands, that I don’t want and they shake with every letter, as I scribble down my thoughts with sloppy words and sloppy form they end up on crumpled paper I throw widely on the floor. but every page, is yours to write we’re all just pointless stories, connected at the spine and by ourselves, we don’t make sense but when you put them all together, you start to comprehend

this open book an open book another wasted tree an open book an open book with dust to cover me I’m just an open book, that no one wants to read

this life it tears us to shreds thrown on the pile to be burned like all the rest just note the raindrop on a page we use our music to distort the words we say cause I think you’ll like me this way

an open book an open book another wasted tree an open book an open book with dust to cover me I’m just another book, that you don’t want to read