alone with my thoughts

"violence" by against me! / "hand in fire" (1985) by robert mapplethorpe

It is not outrageous to be a child and to be loud, and noisy, and to ask for care and attention. We're genetically set up to do that, to rely on our caretakers, to ask them for attention and care, and to be loud, to make noise. That's how all children are.

It's also not outrageous to sometimes react emotionally, to get scared, worried, angry, confused, to not know something, to not get things right, to misunderstand, to make a mistake, to do damage while having good intentions. Abusive parents can react to all of these as if you're the worst demon and have committed a mortal sin of annoying them, taking their time and energy to deal with you when they 'have better things to do' and for being inconsiderate selfish brat who doesn't understand they're not a priority.

Linda Pastan, from Waiting for My Life: Poems; "What We Want"

shoutout to people who don't have any sweet or nostalgic childhood memories. to people who don't remember enough of their childhood to know what the before was like. to people who lost their innocence before they ever learned the word for it. to people whose pasts were too painful to keep around in any form. to people who only knew trauma, and don't have an idea of what life would be like without it. to people who can't long for "the better days" because there weren't any.