The Legend of Fangirl

Hey there, long time no post!

I actually finished this piece a little while ago but I kind of forgot about it with my last uni course and life happening haha 😅 but since I've been replaying botw the last few weeks and with totk just around the corner I thought now was a nice time to share it with you all! ☺️

I can see the people I've lost moving and interacting and speaking to me again. I can attend their hurts and write better endings for them, hear the stories of painstaking acts of kindness and sacrifice that went uncelebrated, hear all the things they'd needed in life in order to heal and finally bring it to them, however long overdue.

I can see the people I know still alive through an emotional X-ray; and they're living twisted inner lives carrying wounds that no one will ever see. When I write, I can bring them the comfort they need to feel truly alive and like a person entire again.

I can see all the people who are strangers to me and relate with them in ways I'm too afraid to attempt otherwise, and explore how people with diverse and complex points of view reckon with each other in a spirit that wrestles out peace and harmony no matter the cost, no matter how many crucial mistakes we make with each other, even in the best of faith.

In my head when I write, the world I wished we all lived in is alive. It's real. And all the love we deserve in our lives, which we will never have in the world as it exists today for the pains we all incur, intentional and accidental both, we receive in abundance in this imaginary world of my mind. And it needs to come out so I can share it with all of you.

So that's what happens when I write. I learn that actually no matter how battered life can make me feel, I still love myself and every single human and all our imperfections together. I can sort out my thoughts on a page and realize that actually the voice of my soul speaks from a place of compassion, no matter how embittered my mind and mouth.

That's what writing feels like to me and I hope that's what it's meant to do.

yeevira anyone? 💥

WHY ARE YOU LONELY: CHOOSE ONE

FAILED TO NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS BORN OUT OF CONVENIENCE ONCE CHANGING CIRCUMSTANCES REQUIRED ACTIVE PARTICIPATION FROM YOU

WATCHED NETFLIX FOR SEVEN HOURS INSTEAD OF SLEEPING BECAUSE YOU HAVE ONCE AGAIN MISTAKEN INERTIA FOR REST

CONFUSED “SELF-CARE” WITH “SELF-INDULGENCE” AGAIN; YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF EXPERIENCING GENUINE REFRESHMENT OR RESTORATION BUT YOU DO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY AT NAIL SALONS

ONCE AGAIN CONFUSED “EMPATHY” FOR “TAKING RESPONSIBILITY” AND INVITED OTHERS TO UNLOAD THEIR EMOTIONAL BURDENS ON YOU WITHOUT FIRST ENSURING RECIPROCITY, WHOOPS

ANTICIPATORILY BLAMED OTHER PEOPLE FOR NOT CALLING YOU WITHOUT ONCE ASKING YOURSELF WHY YOU CAN’T CALL THEM

ASSUMING ANY TIME SPENT TOGETHER THAT YOU HAD TO INITIATE IS SOMEHOW LESS AUTHENTIC THAN REQUESTS FOR TIME SPENT TOGETHER THAT YOU ACCEPT

BELIEVE “PERIODICALLY EXPERIENCING THE HUMAN CONDITION” MEANS SOMETHING IS FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN WITHIN YOU

CONSTANTLY LIE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS THEN WONDER WHY YOU FEEL LIKE NO ONE KNOWS YOU

MISTAKENLY BELIEVE THAT NEGATIVE FEELINGS MUST BE MISTAKES EITHER TO BE AVOIDED OR FIXED RATHER THAN EXPERIENCED

DESIRE TO BE FULLY UNDERSTOOD WITHOUT THE CONCOMITANT WILLINGNESS TO FULLY EXPLAIN YOURSELF

BELIEVE TRYING AT SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT SHOULD RESULT IN INSTANT PERFECTION AND FIND YOURSELF HORRIFIED AND ASHAMED OF MAKING REALISTIC PROGRESS

TRY COCONUT OIL

CONVINCED THAT HONESTLY ADMITTING YOUR PROBLEMS WILL DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES COMPLAINING SO INSTEAD YOU OFFER EVERYONE A PISS-POOR SIMULACRUM OF BEING EASY-GOING

STILL JUST WAITING FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN TO YOU INSTEAD OF EXPRESSING YOUR DESIRES ALOUD

THINK YOU’RE BEING PLAYFUL BUT ACTUALLY YOU JUST GET MEAN WHEN YOU DRINK

SPEND ALL YOUR TIME SAYING THINGS LIKE “EITHER’S GOOD” OR “DOESN’T MATTER TO ME” WHEN IN FACT ONLY ONE THING IS GOOD AND IT DOES MATTER TO YOU BUT YOU THINK “NOT EXPRESSING A PREFERENCE” IS THE BEST PERSONALITY TRAIT YOU HAVE TO OFFER OTHERS

PEOPLE ACTUALLY MORE AWARE OF YOUR BARELY-CONCEALED CONTEMPT FOR THEIR CHOICES AND RELATIONSHIPS THAN YOU THINK THEY ARE

NO GOOD REASON, SORRY