shawty got that...*covers phone receiver* are you sure this is what I'm supposed to say? are you positive? yes? okay. *continues* shawty got that lobster bisque pussy.

Dude living downstairs has been loudly rapping for like 10 minutes, then suddenly did a high pitched scream, and now its silent down there

he got raptured

Everything in American history is like "The fruit roll up was invented in 1866 by Joseph Gusher. He started the fruit roll up company in 1868 with his brother Edward Gusher to fund his lifelong dream of constructing a cathedral out of human shit and racism."

"Edward Gusher would go on to become one of the worlds richest men, serving eight consecutive terms as senator before dying of exposure in the woods in an ill-fated attempt to start a war with Quebec."

fedex trying to say my package will be here by the end of the day when the package is still like 4 states away. that driver must be doing like 150 all the way here

I scrolled past then I though “wait that’s funny” and I reblogged

well the horrors may be beyond YOUR comprehension, but I comprehend them perfectly

Hired and then i immidiately fire him. I love hating.

Me when I insist I don’t need to write it down

[Video: a construction worker shoveling dirt as children on the other side of the fence yell “YAY!” every time dirt is moved.]

these kids have the right priorities in life and i hope nothing ever shakes that.

that guy has probably never had that much fun at his job