✽ p o t a g e

Art by nature, Tampere, Finland

He's so goddamn lonely. He misses his mom, so he's chasing girls because he's trying to find "love," but he's conflated platonic/familial love with romantic love. So he's going after girl after girl looking for something he won't find, so nothing sticks. That idea about conflating all types of love actually comes up in the Sandstorm epilogue when one of the twins brings up Kaoru recognising the difference between love and romance.

He's also not that close with his family in !, which idk how close they are now in !! but I think in Sandstorm he mentions that their relationship has improved with them now that they don't live together. He's closer to his sister and his worry about her marriage (Bridal or whatever the photoshoot one is called, Wanted, whatever the Sustain Memories story is called) goes thru !!

But in Aquarium, he laments to Kanata how he feels separated from his family and they always use honorifics with each other. Kanata then offers to give Kaoru a nickname, and in another fun ! Kaoru behaviour, he recoils and says he doesn't want that. He's so fucking lonely but also doesn't want to get close to anyone and I don't think that's just 'I only care about girls' thing.

His relationships with girls are very superficial because you know, looking for something he won't find but I also think he probably gets afraid of getting close and attached. He does mention taking girls to the beach which is something he truly loves, but in other stories (Wanted I think), he mentions how he reads shit he doesn't care about because a lot of girls like it and he wants to practise claw machines to impress girls and win them prizes.

I'm sure the looming threat of once Yumenosaki is over, he'll have to go back to the livehouse/Hakaze business because that's what the agreement was with his dad. He can fuck around for a bit and then has to go back to what his dad wants. And in Sandstorm, he mentions that when he made his decision to be an idol, he was fully prepared and expecting to be disowned, which didn't happen but the mental toll of that isn't great. He also feels a lot of guilt that his siblings don't get the freedom he's gotten and that his fucking around comes at their expense even now.

𝔒𝔥, 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔪𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔳𝔢𝔩 𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔰𝔢 𝔴𝔬𝔬𝔡𝔰 𝔞𝔤𝔞𝔦𝔫 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔤𝔞𝔦𝔫… 𝔰𝔞𝔦𝔡 𝔞 𝔰𝔥𝔞𝔡𝔬𝔴 𝔞𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔦𝔫𝔡𝔬𝔴… 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔪𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔟𝔢 𝔩𝔲𝔠𝔨𝔶 𝔱𝔬 𝔞𝔳𝔬𝔦𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔬𝔩𝔣 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔶 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢.

𝔅𝔲𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔬𝔩𝔣… 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔬𝔩𝔣 𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔶 𝔫𝔢𝔢𝔡𝔰 𝔢𝔫𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔩𝔲𝔠𝔨 𝔱𝔬 𝔣𝔦𝔫𝔡 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔬𝔫𝔠𝔢.