honestly, i love that santos blames langdon for her pariahship in the pitt. I love that she's mean and callous with serious topics, because it's already horrible, you can't let yourself get dragged down with the severity of every situation. I love how fiercely she protects against what she thinks is wrongdoing, and how she very staunchly places herself in the role of "the one who can help", because she's been there, and never wants to be there again,
I find santos to have very black and white thinking. There is very little nuance to the way she approaches cruelty and victimhood, like the way she threatens that father in season 1 without thinking about the repercussions her actions may have on the daughter when they all leave the hospital, or the way she pushes for punishment for langdon instead of being on the side of rehabilitation like a healthcare professional should be. She see wrongdoing, and acts on it in sort a saviour complex way.
I feel like her black/white thinking makes it difficult for her to accept that sometimes, she's in the wrong, and it doesn't make her a horrible person. the way langdon came after her in s1 was beyond wrong and unporfessional of him, but also santos was blantantly disrespecting the line of command which put patients in danger, which she never acknowledged, or necessarily seemed to grow from in s2. even her letting langdon blame her for samira's fuck up was bc she already placed herself in the role of a victim, despite her own faults in past scenarios. I feel like she struggles with nuance in a way that if she is to accept that she's done wrong, she mentally aligns herself with those who have cruelly hurt her in the past, which it what leads her to pick up that scalpel. she feels like she isn't "good" or more accurately "right" (bc her rigidity is not between good/bad, its right/wrong), and thus deserves to be punished, like how she believes others who have done wrong should be punished.
her pariahship is a result of her own behaviour to the people around her. but she blames langdon, bc if she was to blame herself, she would hate herself, and i don't know if she can move on from that. It's her righteous anger that keeps her upright and going. She's not a victim, she was someone who was hurt and won't let others be hurt. She's like an avenging angel who thinks she's doing this bc she can't stand injustice, but really it's because she's stuck in that version of her that was hurt all those years ago, and she's imposing the justice she wish she got onto others' situations.
I'm glad she went for karaoke with mel at the end. i feel like its a step towards forgiving herself and accepting that she deserves love and kindness and friendship even when she is wrong . as well as making strides to take responsibility for her own relationships in the pitt.
