never mellows

THE look that he gives the brunette is disbelieving and a little mocking, but there’s still a hint of envy there. ❝ reminds me of what people used to get up to during homeroom in high school senior year— ❞ he says, referring to the plastic water bottle filled with what he only assumes to be some kind of alcohol.

“i mean, where do ya think i get my methods? for the most part, my tricks and practices in borderline alcoholism haven’t changed since high school. if it ain’t broke then don’t fix it or whatever, right?” she teased, then shrugged, “it’s just an easy way to get vodka in.” 

hadley: yeah yeah yeah u love me i get it

hadley: i love u too but i'm just

hadley: mad rn but it'll pass

sawyer: i do

sawyer: ik i do stupid shit a lot but i never do something to purposely hurt u

“you’re right. it is completely a mess.” mimi leaned into sawyer’s grasp, before jerking away, “what?”

“you and h- h-“ she tried to get out the name a few times, before she finally stopped in her tracks, blinking, “this is not the place. i literally just don’t want to hear any of that. this weekend is supposed to be about having fun. like what even are you guys fighting about?“

sawyer wrinkled her nose and let her healed loll back slightly, surprised by mimi’s reaction “she’s mad because i flirted with rocío and didn’t, like, tell her or somethin’. somebody hacked my phone, it’s not my fault the texts got leaked or whatever.” she shrugged nonchalantly, though what she was feeling was anything but nonchalant, “and i don’ know what’s gonna happen.” 

hadley: jesus christ sawyer

hadley: you're my cousin, you're not going to lose me

hadley: just let me be mad for a minute for fuck's sake

sawyer: i hate when you're mad at me

sawyer: ik i deserve it

sawyer: but you're the person whose opinion matters most

relaxing almost instinctively from sawyer’s touch, rocío closed her eyes for an ephemeral moment, allowing the other to comb her fingers through her raven curls as she attempted to bask in their private moment. “will you be okay?” she mumbled against sawyer’s skin, worried more about the well-being of sawyer rather than her own. “this is not your fault, sawyer. i wanted this and i was selfish. i… i should not have come between you and your cousin. it just i… i have never met anyone like you. so confident, smart and beautiful. i craved you and it was wrong. i should have thought of hadley instead of myself.” as their eyes met, she felt a force gravitating her directly towards sawyer. the last thing she should’ve been doing was making their situation more complicated than it already was. still, she couldn’t stop herself from leaning in, immediately closing the gap between them as she pressed a firm but gentle kiss on sawyer’s lips until she pulled away. rocío knew it was a bold move, considering they hadn’t yet begun to figure out where they stood in their relationship or if there was a relationship between them to begin with. yet, she silently prayed to herself the femme wouldn’t take off running as afraid as she’d been minutes ago.        

sawyer sighed, shrugging just slightly, “i’ll be fine, don’t worry. i’m more worried about you.” she admitted. at rocío’s words, sawyer felt like her heart stopped, it wasn’t often that someone said those sorts of things to her. most of the time, all girls wanted from her was a quick fuck and usually that was ok with her, but having someone actually interested in her? having rocío want her? she wasn’t sure she’d ever felt anything quite like what she was feeling as she gazed at the other girl, “you- there wasn’t- you haven’t come between us. it’s not like we meant for this to happen, you didn’t do anything wrong... god, rocío, you have no idea how much i think about you. you are so fuckin’ incredible. really.” she swallowed, eyes flicking over the other’s face, trying to figure out what was going through her head. what she hadn’t been expecting was rocío’s soft lips being pressed to hers. it took her by surprise and a soft gasp passed her lips as the singer pulled away. sawyer wasn’t exactly sure what this meant but she didn’t know if it mattered because one kiss was not enough, she needed more, so she brought her lips to rocío’s again hungrily, wanting to make this moment last a little longer. she tangled her fingers in the other girl’s hair, pulling her body closer with the hand resting on her hip, not thinking, for a moment, of the consequences that could come with what they were doing. 

      rae really didn’t want things to be uncomfortable but this sort of coolness came with the territory. she didn’t have many exes, truthfully she was sitting across from one of two, but she wished that her life could play like an after-school special where the ‘we can be friends’ schtick actually landed. the look on sawyer’s face said it all. rae’s attempt to break the ice was more like she’d taken a jackhammer to a frozen lake she’d been standing square in the middle of. “ it’s a shame you guys aren’t, definitely would’ve improved the line-up. ” she began to overanalyze her compliment. did it sound too flirty? too indifferent? this sucked. “ you know, i- ” she faltered, having nothing to really say. she was no expert on how to straddle the line of comfortable small talk, least of all with her ex. “ you look good. ” she offered.

talking to exes was never easy- not that sawyer had a lot, she usually opted for something more casual. but emotion, especially when romantic feelings were involved, was not something the drummer was good at. talking to rae was awkward and she was trying hard not to let any emotion show on her face, she let the slightest smile slip onto her face, “thanks, i- uh, we’re just not big enough yet, ya know?” she appreciated the sentiment, getting that sort of attention from rae still felt good. she furrowed her brow in interest as it seemed that the other was about to say something else, but let it go as rae continued. she wet her lips with her tongue, “uh, thank you... you do too... though, you always do. always have.” 

hadley: like i said

hadley: in the morning

sawyer: hadley plz

typically, she’d been used to being criticized for embracing her sexuality by the media, mainly due to her alternate ego and stage persona. however, this, whatever this was with sawyer was different; that much she knew was true. she could feel her heart racing out of her chest as the other femme pulled her in for an embrace, unable to fathom how the pair had gotten in their current situation. “how do you know? hadley hates us now and i do not blame her,” the latina managed to utter post-haste, stumbling on her words as she went on, “h-how do you not hate me? i-i… i got us in this mess. todo esto es mi culpa.” snuggling into sawyer’s neck, taking in the scent of her coconut shampoo as rocío struggled to regain her composure. “m-maybe i should go. i do not want to cause you any more trouble than i already have. the last thing i need is to have both of you hate me. mi corazón no puede con la carga de todo esto.”  

sawyer lifted one hand, running her fingers through rocío’s hair gently, trying to soothe her as well as she knew how, “hadley doesn’t hate us.” she didn’t know if that were true, “she’s mad or whatever, but it’ll be ok. she’ll be ok.” she also wasn’t positive of this, but saying it made her feel a little better too. as she continued, sawyer shook her head, feeling weirdly calm with rocío so close to her, holding her, “i could never hate you, oh my god, ro. literally never. don’t say that. and this isn’t your fault, how could it be? you didn’t do this. if it’s anyone’s fault then it’s mine. hadley’s my cousin, i should’ve known better.” but she hadn’t wanted to know better, this was rocío. at her suggestion that she should leave, sawyer pulled back slightly, tipping the latina’s chin up gently to force her eyes on hers, “listen, you don’t have to leave. please don’t leave... i, um, i don’t want you to.” she told the other, her voice quiet, “please don’t go. this isn’t- i know this sucks, but i don’t want... i can’t do this alone. and i don’t want you to feel like you’re alone either. because you’re not, rocío.” 

         rae looked off in the direction of the stage with a glossy expression, trying to focus on all the lights smearing. “ today, i have watched people snortin’ lines of k’ and gettin’ on stage forty minutes later like nothin’ happened. i don’t know whether to be concerned of impressed. ” she mumbled, happy to have one of the limited seats available under the bustling cover. she looked across the worlds tiniest table, you know, the sort where you could fit two drinks and some pocket lint if you were lucky, with a soft smile. “ chain smokin’ blunts all day and then gettin’ up there ? my god. if my life depended on me gettin’ out of this chair and tyin’ my shoes right now, i would straight up perish. ”

sawyer hadn’t realized who she’d been sitting across from until she spoke, her nose too busy buried in her phone, but when rae did speak she had the sudden urge to get up and run. thankfully, she was pretty drunk already otherwise this would be even worse than it was already going to be, “yeah, i totally get it. me and the girls aren’t performing this year or anything, so, but if we were i’d be a lot more sober right now.” she replied in a quiet voice, bringing her drink back to her lips. she glanced around for a place to flee if necessary 

hadley: again, shut up, you know it wasn't

hadley: sure jan

hadley: whatever

hadley: i'd rather talk to u in the morning when i'm not so fucking mad at u

sawyer: it WAS hadley

sawyer: plz im so sorry

sawyer: ill do anything

hadley: u talked about her cleavage too miss!!

hadley: i can't deal with u right now lmao talk to me when ur sober

hadley: have a nice night or whatever

sawyer: cleavage can BE platonic

sawyer: im not that drunk

sawyer: im sober enough to spell right!!

sawyer: can we plz talk about this!!

she stood in front of sawyer, tears cascading down her cheeks as she struggled to string together a coherent sentence. the pair had been so careless with their phone interactions and neither party had considered the repercussions of their actions. looking down at her peep-toe stilettos, unable to meet sawyer’s eyes, she simply mumbled an apology for getting the drummer involved in a scandal. truthfully, she hadn’t expected anyone finding out about their brief conversations, especially considering their messages to one another were tame compared to most of hollywood’s leaked texts and photos. thankful for her waterproof mascara, she finally looked up at sawyer before taking a deep breath, her words still stuck at her throat.

sawyer ducked her head slightly to look at her face, realizing for the first time that rocío was crying. she stopped her pacing, walking forward and hesitating for a moment. she didn’t know what to do. she was bad at handling this sort of thing. she swallowed the lump in her throat and wrapped her arms around the other girl, “hey, hey, hey, don’t apologize to me. this isn’t your fault... it’s, uh, gonna be ok.” she didn’t know if that was true, but she didn’t want to make her feel worse. but it really wasn’t rocío’s fault and it wasn’t sawyer’s either- it was whoever had gotten into their phones’ fault and now they just had to deal with the backlash. she sighed, tightening her hold around the singer as the other finally looked up at her, “i- i really don’t know what to say. and i'm, like, really fuckin' angry. but... we’re gonna deal with this, ok? i promise. we’re in this together.” 

hadley: are u fucking serious???

hadley: have u not read any of the fucking texts i sent?

hadley: i don't give a shit if you flirt with everyone

hadley: u STILL flirted w someone that u know u shouldn't have

hadley: u know what if u had have just talked to me i would've given u my blessing or whatever but u left me in the fucking dark

sawyer: i dont NEED a blessing bc rocío and i arent dating or anything????

sawyer: i called her hot, it's not like i proposed marriage?

sawyer: i get why ur mad, i do

hadley: sorry u got hacked but uh !!!

hadley: you still crossed a line

hadley: we're supposed to be family sawyer ???

hadley: even if u flirt with everyone it doesn't make a difference

hadley: you KNEW i had feelings for her once upon a time

sawyer: what line did i cross??

sawyer: im telling u the TRUTH

sawyer: hadley, i love u and i DID know that