adventures in OCD

if reblogs are turned on for a post, that means you’re allowed to reblog it

asks are currently: tentatively open

asks I will not accept (when inbox is open):

self-harm/suicide

eating disorder, weight, calories, etc

abuse of any kind

overly invasive questions about me and my life

people with excoriation disorder aren’t ugly for having scars, scabs, and uneven skin.

people with BFRBs aren’t ugly for walking around with evidence of their mental illness on their body — rough skin, short nails, and scars of all kinds are not ugly

I know it sounds silly, but the main way I’ve learnt to push through feelings like this is to pretend that I am my own friend. I need to look after and care for myself, the same as I need to look after and care for my friends and family. I give them my time and attention, so I should also give myself the same gift

alternatively, you can question these ideas by reframing them (e.g. how would I feel if my friend complimented themselves? would I call them selfish?). spoiler alert: most people are uncomfortable calling their friends selfish

the third approach is to pretend that these thoughts are a character separate from yourself. giving them a name, and trying to work with them as if they’re another person with thoughts and opinions separate from your own (in the style of the internal family system model). I would not go for this approach if you’re prone to dissociation, as it can get out of control quickly without strategies to stay grounded

from what I can tell, it sounds like you’re caught in the reassurance-seeking trap, and that your brain is doing the normal OCD thing of never being satisfied with that

at the moment, I’m really focusing on sorting my thoughts into three categories:

out of my control

in my control now

will be in my control in the future

and then, if something fits into the first or third category… I try my best to let it go. you can’t do anything about your past. you just have to learn to sit with the knowledge that what’s happened has happened and there’s no going back. you can only control what you do now and what you do tomorrow

it’s easier said than done, but refusing to forgive yourself for something that happened a while ago isn’t super helpful! you’re punishing yourself for something that’s been and gone, rather than thinking about what you can do to help yourself and others right now, in this moment.

I know that your thoughts feel out of your control, and it can be hard to battle with them in this way, but the more you focus on the now, the easier it gets to push through the past

some things are your fault. sometimes you screw up. that’s okay, we’re all human. most mistakes just need an apology, and a promise not to repeat that action.

yes, I want to be a good person. but for me, that comes along with:

an unreachably high moral standard

an unshakeable guilt complex

a chronic feeling of “what have I done wrong?”

constant flashbacks to “shame memories”

tying myself up in knots over making the right decision (even over the little things)

you can never know what’s running through someone else’s mind, and it doesn’t make sense to judge them for their thoughts

there are things you can never know, and that’s okay

there are things you’ll never have control over, and that’s okay

people are a lot stronger than we think we are