HOTHOUSE FLOWER,

“most of africa and south east asia. oh, and the vatican,” city said, with almost no hesitation. “uh, film research. yeah, that’s how i know that,” she muttered, as almost an afterthought. “tragic kick in the head?” she asked curiously. “you didn’t actually beat up that choreographer when i wasn’t looking, did you?”

“ don’t forget the maldives. it’s beautiful there this time of year. ” she chuckles easily, adjusting the bag over her shoulder. “ as much as he deserves it, no. honestly, it’s kind of stressing me out that we still have so much left to work on. like, that whole section in the middle needs to be reworked and he refuses to let us try anything different. ” 

          “ whoa ,  whoa –  back  up  to  the  ezra  thing . ”  charlie  shifts  backwards  some ,  placing   his  hands  on  the  table .  his  brows  are  raised .  geez  scout  moved  quickly .  not  that  charlie  couldn’t  keep  up ,  but  the  details  seemed  slim  and  charlie  needed  to  know  more .  “ okay .  i  figured  shit  was  going  down  –  the  group  chat  was …  a  little  messy ,  but …  what  the  fuck . ”  charlie  shakes  his  head ,  reaching  for  his  water .  the  male  takes  a  quick  sip ,  a  bit  of  a  sigh  coming  from  his  lips  next .  “ so  are  we  gonna  talk  about  the  fact  that  you  really  like  this  guy ,  or  are  we  gonna  pretend  you’re  okay  with  the  break  up ?? ”

“ yeah, sorry, that was a whole different level of word vomit.  blame it on the four cups of coffee i’ve had before this. ” she drums her fingers on the table, almost wincing at the memory of the group chat. “ we actually ended up getting back together the last night of the trip. not to be fucking cheesy or anything, but i love him. like, a gross amount. ” her cheeks heat up a little, not used to these declarations of love, outside of ones for her friends. “ now, what about you? any dramatic breakups i should know about? ”

*  ◞  ╰   𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝   𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫   𝒇𝒐𝒓   @scoutsking​  .

though the night was still young, natalina and scout were trashed in every sense of the word. they maneuvered through the packed club to the middle of the dance floor. hands raised with their drinks, hips swaying to the blaring thrum of savage remix. they had gotten the tik tok dance down pact, after countless tries so there they were, drunkenly performing the routine as onlookers cheered them on. their intoxication had gotten to the point of no return, nat could barely see straight, having to clutch scout for dear life to keep from falling as the song transitioned to another.  ❛  i fucking wish i had megan the stallion’s knees. more shots, scoutie ? i bet you five grand that guy at the bar is gonna offer to buy us some. he’s been staring holes in the back of your head since we got here,  ❜  she says dramatically, following by a giggle.  ❛   ez is gonna fly in and kick his ass. ❜

there isn’t anywhere else scout wants to be at the moment. adrenaline is flowing through their veins, they hadn’t missed a step and any troubles had vacated her mind. a peal of laughter bursts from scout’s lips as she clutches onto nat, barely able to keep steady but still managing to move to the beat. “ imagine the damage we could do with knees like that. the sheer power. ” they’re past the point of no return, with scout seemingly forgetting that alcohol had the ability to hurt her. her nose crinkles, nearly snorting at the image. “ ez could take him easily. -— that would be kinda hot actually. ” she grabs nat’s hand and starts moving to the bar, shots being the goal in her tequila soaked mind. “ i bet you a trip to miami he comes over and uses a cheesy fucking line.” 

“yeah, i could go for a drink,” the girl nodded. “i could always use another partner in crime,” she joked. city helped her crew pack up the equipment before saying goodbye to them and walking back over to scout. “are we talking about just a few drinks, or are we trying to black out?” she asked.

“ great. ” scout rounds the rest of her stuff up, shrugging a jean jacket on over her shoulders as she waves to the crew. “ y’know, i’m looking forward to some crime. let’s just make sure we end up somewhere with no extradition. ” she makes sure to turn off the lights and lock up behind them. “ normally i would have an early rehearsal but due to tragic kick to the head related events, i’m open to possibilities. ”

“yeah, it does. more often than i want it to.” its hard for him to admit these things to her, a lot of them things he’s rarely said out loud at risk of sounding crazy. its easier to chalk them up to being a moody artist, locking himself away to complete his brilliant pieces, instead of what it really is. a few days of non-stop painting followed by a crash, days of not being able to pull himself out of bed. he studies her face as she speaks, and it feels like his heart stops for a moment. why had he never asked? “scout…” he starts, reaching over to gently cup her cheek, “you don’t… you don’t do that anymore, do you?” 

“ this might be a stupid question but can you tell when you’re about to slip in or out of it? ”  the words get stuck in her throat for a moment. only one other person knows all this, and even though scout knows ezra won’t look at her differently, the worry sticks in the back of her mind. she’s still unable to meet his gaze, ashamed to tell him that even though she’s been in recovery for years, there isn’t a day where she doesn’t feel guilty for eating. “ sometimes, ” she admits softly, not knowing how to tell him that today is one of those days.   “ did you ever notice when we were kids? ”

“worse,” he says, trying to be as honest with her as he can, “i always tell myself i’m not going to do it again, because coming down is so shitty, but- i forget all about that when im in the middle of an episode. but i’d rather feel anything than this.” he remembers the first time he did it, his first semester of college, how the mania had felt so much better than the depression at the time. he doesn’t want to admit that out loud. his brow furrows for a moment as he thinks back to that summer, his heart dropping as he looks up at her, “where were you?” 

“ does it happen often? this feeling, i mean. ” scout understands the need to be anywhere but inside your own head. “ well, if you need a reminder, i can do that. ” her heart seizes in her chest as ezra’s gaze meets hers. “ in the hospital, and then a treatment centre. ” her eyes drop from his. “ i felt like i was in this dark hole and i just lost interest in everything. not eating was the only thing i cared about, it made me a better dancer. i finally felt -—,  ” she cuts herself off before she can say perfect, cheeks heated with embarrassment. “ i had fainted before but one time...  well, my heart stopped. so no summer vacation for me. ” a wry laugh rips from her lips, tears burning behind her eyes. “ a ballerina with eating issues. original, huh? ”

city stayed in the background, the last thing she wanted to do was get in the way or ruin a shot. she silently directing her crew as scout danced, making sure she was the only one seen in the mirrors, not the equipment. “that was amazing,” city admitted, with a smile on her face. “we got a lot of great footage here,” she nodded. “i can have the guys clean it up and send you the footage in a couple hours.”

scout didn’t do this for accolades or praise but she couldn’t help a swell of pride in her chest at city’s words. “ thanks, city.  yeah, sounds good. ” she paused for a few seconds. “ i was wondering if you wanted to get a drink? if you’re not busy or you don’t have any other crimes to commit. ”

city laughed. “well, if you feel any homicidal tendencies coming on, lemme know so i can start recording,” she joked. the smile on her face faltered, only for a second or two, as they spoke about zar. “something like that. he knew too much so he had to be extracted,” city played along. “thanks,” she mumbled quickly. the girl looked around the space as they entered the rehearsal hall, taking it all in as the crew began to set up. “the lighting in here is great. uh, honestly, you can do whatever you normally do. stretch, warm up. i’m sure we’ll get a lot of great footage.”

scout nods, dropping her bag at the back of the room before taking her place at the barre. with a deep breath, she works through her stretches before launching into the new routine. her new routine. for a moment, everything else melts away. it’s why she started dancing in the first place, why she could never give it up. she doesn’t know how much time has passed but suddenly someone’s yelling ‘cut’ and scout snaps back to reality. she takes a moment to take off her point shoes before moving over to city, wiping sweat from her brow. “ hey, how’d it look? ”

“probably not,” city shook her head. “i heard somewhere that people who fantasize about violence get their frustration out that way so they’re less likely to be violent.” it sounded true, or it least it did when she heard some stoner at a frat party say it a few years ago. “there was another fugitive,” she huffed. “he just couldn’t keep up with my life of crime.” city smirked, making it come across as a joke. “i– yeah, anytime. that’s what friends are for.”

scout pauses for a moment, considering this information. “ huh, well then i’m glad to say my homicidal tendencies are at a minimum. ” they round the corner and she adjusts her bag over her shoulder, fishing for her keys. “ too fast too furious, huh? ” scout wonders briefly if the words have anything to do with zar leaving. everyone who knew them could see how close they were. for a minute, scout considers asking but stops herself. it doesn’t feel like her place and she doesn’t really think city will tell her anyway. “ you’re a good friend. ” she glances over at city for a moment before unlocking the door to the rehearsal hall, stepping aside so the crew can enter. “ so, this is the scene of the crime. just let me know what you need me to do. ”

ezra had always been closest to his mom, she always knew exactly what to say. she’d bought him his first paint set, watched him paint and critiqued proudly. “i always wanted to be an art dealer, you know,” she’d whisper to him as she held his hand and walked him through museums, taught him about brush strokes and different canvases. the way she knew he was entering an episode without him having to say anything, the gentle stroke of her fingers through his curls when he couldn’t get out of bed. he missed her every single day. “there was nothing you could do, there’s nothing anyone can do,” he says softly. he looks down at her question, embarrassed by the answers, “sometimes. i did on vacation.” 

ezra’s relationship with his mom had always been something that she had admired, even if she had only really seen the end of it. it had made her wish that her parents were softer, that they were capable of that kind of love. “ maybe there is something. maybe you just haven’t found it yet. ” she doesn’t want to say blindly that there’s a magic cure all, that time heals everything. but she’s always hoped for the best, it’s just who she is, and she wants the best for him. she nods, not really in the position to say anything. there were a few things she regretted doing on vacation. “ how do you feel afterwards? ”  the idea of medication pops into her head but she knows that he was on it when he was younger and that he hated it. “ remember the summer that my parents said i was in europe? ” the words fall out of her mouth before she can stop them. “ i wasn’t. ”

“something else,” he says, thinking back to their summers spent together. he hadn’t really known scout before his mom was sick, in fact he thinks thats why they started taking summer vacations in the first place. to make his mom comfortable, give her a different kind of environment to try and heal in- obviously, it hadn’t worked. at least when he was upset about his mom it was tangible, there was a reason behind it. the hollowness he’d felt then, and now, seemed to come randomly and with no reason. “it started when i was in middle school. my mom- she had it, too, but she was medicated. i never really… saw her get like this. or if she did, i guess i don’t remember,” he sniffles lightly, “i don’t know if its gotten worse, but the thoughts have. i’ve made more mistakes, i have more to feel bad about i guess. and i… used to self-medicate a lot. when i was with city especially. i think that might have fried my brain a little.” 

her parent’s dinner parties and events had always bordered on intolerable, especially on the rare occasion that nic wasn’t there. one of her first memories of ezra was from one of those nights but it’s his mom that she remembers clearly. how kind she was, how her smile brightened up the room even though she was evidently getting sicker. her absence eventually filled the greene’s summer house and scout felt it when she peeked through the doors, food that her mom had sent her over with planted firmly in her hands. she takes his hand, squeezing gently as she listens intently. “ i’m sorry. i should have said or done something. ” she wants to ask what kind of thoughts run through his mind but she doesn’t want to overwhelm him. “ do you still ... self-medicate? ”

he nods slowly as she recounts the story, “i’m sure i’ll think of something good.” he can’t wait for that moment, when his brain clicks back into place, when he can enjoy her presence in a more meaningful way than he is now. his depression has always felt like time wasted, but it feels worse now, that he’s letting seconds with her slip by. he always comes out of it with blurred memories, and he’s not sure that he’ll remember this interaction in the way that it happened. the thought of that brings a small frown to his lips. “did you know?” he starts slowly, eyes opening once again, “when we were kids? did you know what was going on with me?” 

“ i know you will. ” scout lets her eyes travel his face as if committing it to memory, eyelids drifting shut only briefly until he speaks again. she considers the question carefully before she answers. “ i had an idea. ” it had confused her when the beautiful boy next door, the one she thought she knew so well, suddenly changed and twisted into himself. “ i heard your dad talking to my parents once about you being sad, how your mood would change suddenly. by the time i was going to ask, i didn’t know if it was your mom or something else. ” she can recall her own flashes of memory -— scared that she would mess their dynamic up by asking, scared that he would ask the same questions back. “ has it gotten worse since then? ” 

— OPEN. 

“UGH, plane travel is so bad for my skin,” diana whined, peering at her blemish-free skin in her little compact mirror. “it’s going to take at least a week to re-hydrate my skin.” she snapped the compact shut, turning a vaguely disinterested eye on the other person. “—anyway, what were you saying?” as if she really cared.

scout shook her head slowly, her tone bemused. “ i was asking how your trip was but i guess i already have my answer.  i’m surprised you didn’t speed dial your facialist right when your plane touched the ground. ”

A DAY OFF for raven was hardly a day off as she was cooped up in the coffee shop nearby the ten23 apartments with her laptop running all the other work she had to get done. but she’s running out of energy despite having at least three coffees before now so raven turns to the closest person to her , flashing a sweet smile their way. ❝ hey , so sorry to bother but do you mind just watching my stuff for a second ? i just need another refill. ❞ 

scout’s breaks were absolutely precious, as they were far and few between.  she was savouring her coffee and the latest book she was been tearing through when a familiar voice piped up over the din of generic background music and the hiss of the espresso machines. “ see, normally, i would resort to my life of petty crime and run off with it but you do know where i live, ” she jokes, waving a hand casually.  “ go for it. i don’t wanna know what happens when you don’t get your caffeine fix. ”